Chapter Three: Finding Out I Was Ill

it was Friday, November 13, 1987, I went to the doctor to find out why I had blood pressure at 230/130. Yes, my BP was that high…scary! I had blood work done and a general physical. Even my face was covered with severe acne that only good medications would work on it. Washing my face with soap and water worked too, but not as good. Too dry. On November 20, 1987, a week later and another Friday, I went back to the doctor who had taken all the tests and I learned that I had kidney failure. As I sat on the examing table waiting for the doctor to get off the phone – unknown to me that the phone conversation was about me – I was hoping that I was not seriously ill. I felt fine but always a little tired and short of breath walking great distances or even up the basement steps of our home. I took it as being out of shape and not like those high school kids in athletic sports like basketball, softball, and football. I also took as a person who did not run much because trying to run with a condition called cerebral palsy was somewhat hard to do. I did not care to run because I thought I looked very funny.

As soon as the doctor got off the phone he went through the lab work chart from the Friday before. My dad just walked in from policing the streets for a few minutes when the doctor was getting to the worst part of the news. When I learned that I had total kidney failure, everything became a blur in my eyes as the tears formed in my eyes but I would not let them streak down my face. I was seventeen and big girls didn’t cry at that age anymore – I thought so anyway. When the doctor told us, myself, my stepmom, and my dad where to go from here, we proceeding to leave the room as the appointment was finished. I ihad left the office last hearing the doctor say “good luck” before both feet were out the door. When I heard those words, I wanted to turn around and go after the doctor screaming at him, “good luck, how dare you say good luck, I am sick and need a transplant!” By then the tears that formed in my eyes were strolling down my cheeks in full force. I did not care about big girls don’t cry attitude anymore. My throat was sore because I held the tears in so long. Sandy, holding my ten month old sister, turned around and rubbed my back while Dad grabbed me to hug me one of his cuddly bear hugs of I understand how you feel and say I love you in that hug. We were off to Madison, Wisconsin to get the best care in the world and get myself on the good healthy track again.

All that day I was dumbfounded with all that went on. I was scared and I did noto want to listen to all the questions or want to hear what was going on around me. Everything was deaf around me it seemed. My ears did not want to hear but I knew it was just me tuning out on everything. I remember, after getting to Madison and in a room, I turned on the television and began watching Sesame Street. Yeah, Sesame Street! I wanted to be a little girl again…not a teenager or age seventeen going on eighteen in a few months. Thoughts raced in my head that I could have died, what would happen to my family after I died and was buried, and there goes my trip to New Mexico to visit my mom and stepfather now. I was mad enough that I was upset about not going to New Mexico for Thanksgiving. I had won that deal with my mom. Also, my job as manager of the girls’ basketball team was going to be put on hold for a while. i just wanted to crawl somewhere and die and forget about the good health for a while. I wanted to run away forever and not be found whatsoever. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was.

That evening, I began to come around. Things started to look a little brighter for me after hours of talking to the doctor and my parents had left. I knew I was sick and I should have been dead already but wasn’t because of a miracle that took place, and I needed a kidney transplant. My illness progressed through the years that I never knew how good it was to feel good and I had learned that the kidney transplant would make me feel a lot better and I would notice it. I began to fulfill my nickname Smiley as the day got older and time slipped away. All thoughts earlier seemed to disappear but only for a short time.

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Please look forward to Chapter Four tomorrow or Friday. Thanks! This chapter of my life was a little more difficult to write because this was the beginning of all that I will have to face for the rest of my life. I am, at this time, smiling.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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