Had a Bad Night

My day with my mom went well, but after getting home and being somewhat idle, I became such a crying idiot for a few hours. While my mom and I were heading to lunch yesterday, we went past a situation with a police officer, a man holding his hands to his face crying because his dog got hit by a car. It was sad to see the dog getting hit my a car. Mom’s stomach just got sick so we decided to make a little detour before eating so we could settle our emotions a little bit. After lunch, I got home, looked at my birthday presents and finding that the jelly roll pens were not there in the package. I had called Mom and told her that my pens were not in my bag or my purse/bag and thought maybe she ran into them in the truck to let me know. She told me that I did not need to get upset over it and I did tell her if they are not there they can be easily replaced and that was not the problem. I just looked a whole bunch of pictures of my grandparents and I was crying over them and also told my mom that I was sorry for the family who just lost their dog because some idiot hit their dog. I had three reasons to be all tears in reality but it just seemed odd that the tears lasted for hours and sleep was just difficult for me all night long. In fact, I remember falling asleep and waking up in the night and shutting off the television, and I had awakened with tears still in my eyes and my eyes were moist from something. I felt awfully tired and fell in and out of sleep as I watched television and missing the last bit of Murder, She Wrote. I had fallen in and out of sleep until 12 noon this afternoon. Even right now I still feel tired and out of it and kind of low in spirits but it is not depression or anything. Just still reacting to yesterday’s crying spell, and decided not to go anywhere at all today but stay home with Emilee, pack my bag of clothes and things I needed for the four day weekend up north, and just stay in my pajamas. I am, what a frieind calls, preparing myself for the weekend of family togetherness and seeing my grandma and grandpa’s gravesite and seeing what relatives who are still alive. Right now I wonder what is going to really happen this weekend…if I am going to have a face of happiness that will be totally fake or I will be strong in reality…and I know God will be with me. Strange…so very strange!