8/27 – Times of Change Again

I am somewhat moody today … have been for the past couple of days … since yesterday afternoon to be exact. I learned, yesterday afternoon, that our onsite manager stated that she is quitting, and that was a shock to me and I am in shock still. I grew to really liking the manager very much, too, so I feel that my heart was ripped out of my body and stomped on. At least that is how I feel at the moment about the place I live in. I don’t know who to trust anymore in here so I am keeping to myself and I know who my true friends are and I do believe that the two people who are planning on leaving are my true friends. It is the tenants who live in here are the people I do not know who to trust and that is a scary feeling. I had spoken to my case worker today and she had told me nothing but the truth that I have to take care of me and whatever is going on with the management right now is not my problem and that it does not pertain to me, and that she knows that I am hurting inside. What my case worker had told me today was nothing but the truth and it did feel like a little slap across the face but it did not hurt. I did not cry because the words hurt me or anything even though I was upset about the idea of our management quitting. I think I am still in some shock because the tears have not really spilled yet, so I am beginning to wonder if I am going to ever cry about the loss or am I am getting sronger in my emotions to be able to deal with change again? I will find out sooner or later in my own little world.

Oh please…I am not asking for sympathy or anything … another day to kind of get my thoughts out in the open so please do not feel sorry for me at all here. Don’t want it. I have already kind of wallowed in my own self to some point here the past 24 hours or so now and I have had enough self pity. I hate wallowing in it. It stinks so much that I can not even stand wallowing in my own self pity. I know who my true friends are in this world and that is all that matters to me right now. Any wallowing I do is my wallowing. It is a party that no one will come to anyway.

Once again we are at a time of change again here where I live. I may not accept change all that well if it is too quick but I feel I am getting better at accepting changes in my life to better my health in a sense of comfort, safety, and routine and I have a nice routine going for me now for the past few weeks in my life. I have to take care of myself and myself alone with God at my side walking with me.

As for now I am going to go. Good night.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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