Who & What Triggers
I have been out of the woods with this last anxiety/panic attack for a few days now. I thought about it since not trying to find out what the underlying problem was that triggered my anxiety and panic attack the past couple of weeks. I actually know who and what will trigger anxiety in my life and I could give you exactly who and what causes my attacks to come on. CSE and NMS are two people who do not help matters at times so I have not really talked to NMS since she has been back home. I’ve tried calling her during the week but her phone was off the hook for hours one day so I could not get through to her. CSE has not been here for a few days now either. The last time she was here is not remembered but I do remember how difficult it was for me to get her to hear me clearly as if she was in her own world and did not act like she wanted to be here. She was gone for two hours that evening because she ended up having unexpected company leaving me hanging once again in a world of sheer annoyance. I decided that she would have to call, text, or come down herself if she really wants to see me. I find CSE rude a lot and I do not need to stand for it anymore. I am, I guess, avoiding her again so my anxiety and emotions stay in check and clear of danger. Even JSL triggers anxiety and panic in my world. I guess some new friends! Now that it is official after realizing I may have known this for a long time in some areas, I can go on to healing some more and deal with problems more openly instead of a closed mind with denial written all around it. I am still not ashamed of my anxiety and panic disorder but I am surely having a rough time dealing with relationships and people in my life!
Good Night & God Bless
Tomorrow is Sunday. Another day to write is in the prospects. I am going to shut down shop here for the evening, take my Kindle reader into my bedroom to read some of Little Women, and then go to bed for the night. So I am going to say good night and God bless and come back sometime tomorrow. Everyone else have a good evening and a good night, and please be safe wherever you are at. God bless!
