Okay, I really do not feel comfortable with CSE in my home alone now for sure. I know she will not do anything to harm me but I notice now that her lagging and taking her time to help me and my cat out when she comes down. I believe she expects me to let her stay for a visit or allow her to bring her laptop down to get online for a while. I won’t do that anymore. I do not like it that she uses her laptop using my internet connection in the public areas of the building which is in the laundry room, by the mailroom, and the community room but I do not want her in my home any longer unless she is here to help me out. Her visits will short, sweet, to the point, and out the door she goes. The memory of her staying here for a while concerned those who work with and for me. I had to have her pack up and go back to her apartment. She left a mess in her area of the apartment that made my apartment look pretty cluttered.
Yesterday I had an appointment with my counselor SW and she asked if anyone was living with me and I told her it was just me and my cat. The experience of having a roommate for the time I had CSE stay here proved enough that I love my space and place for myself. I do not mind it when a tenant comes and goes when visiting like my neighbor and friend BS — the tenant who lives above me in #213. I love BS very much, and yes, I know her initials could mean something else but it doesn’t.
Here I am – venting – once again. CSE needs help and lots of prayer for her because her life is not the same as it was over ten years ago. I understand now why she changed her name but it does not get rid of the past. CSE used to be CKR, and now and then she brings up the past she wants to remember but then when certain things pop up from her past she does not want to remember when she was CKR, she always says “That’s not me.” or “That wasn’t me.” I am worried about her but right now I find myself holding my own without her constantly here and I appreciate my space and home more. She has to knock and be let in just like everyone else in the apartment building or those on the outside. I have to keep myself safe, secure, and comfortable in my own skin.
Living My Life
My shower gal will be here this morning at 1015 am to 1130 am, and then I have the day to myself, and then I have Weight Watchers at 5 pm and my ride will pick me up at 430 pm.
I was planning on sleeping in this morning but it turned out that I had gotten up between 530 and 545 am. I guess my body is trained or conditioned Saturday through Thursday to get up early. Now I fully understand why I look forward to the weekends when they finally arriving. It makes a lot of sense now. 🙂 I am okay with this arrangement. I will just go to bed early every night Saturday through Wednesday night, and when Thursdays roll around, I do what is in my schedule, I can stay up a little later and sleep in a bit. Getting up between 5 and 7 every morning is not a big deal but I do go to sleep early, lol.