An Emotional Mess

I surely was an emotional mess this morning.  Anxiety has hit the fan this morning big time.  I can not go into detail as to why because it is something I can not talk about.  It does have something to do with yesterday’s diary entry “Making Things Right” though.  I was in tears, my body was shaking, anxiety was rising and I was not sure what was going to happen to me.  I ended up talking to my worker at IDS and my social worker at Catholic Charities today in order to rid the rising anxiety in me.  I did not have my 9 am shower this morning because the shower gals have never seen me as upset and scared I was this morning and early afternoon.  I am not used to certain people not seeing me upset.  The only people I can share my innermost feelings with and allow them to see the real me are: my worker at IDS who is MM, my social worker at Catholic Charities who is AH and TG (former social worker now AH’s supervisor), KP my worker who comes on Monday and Thursday, my counselor SW, and my doctor Dr. K.  I have walked down a road in life where trusting in everyone is not a good idea.  I actually allow my mom and her husband see how upset I get because they understand the anxiety and panic disorder I have, and my mom has seen a glimpse of my disorder out of control before it was taken care of with the right medication.  I can only say that now I am recovering from what happened this morning and I am very tired and feeling exhausted.  It was an emotional morning and early afternoon.