On My Mind Today

Friday was one very busy day for me.  In fact, this past week has been one of those interesting weeks I can say “went weird” starting Tuesday morning before 830 am.  My new chair I got from Crazy Joes Discount store quit working for some reason or another.  I called the store and learned that my chair was a discontinued item and the warranty was either over with or non-existent because of the chair being a discontinued item.  In the meantime, because of the chair being only two month old, the manager of Crazy Joes called a representative to come out to see what the problem was with the chair.  I gentleman did come out at 4 pm and we found that the connection was loose at the bottom of the chair and we got the chair to work properly once again.  At the time this incident happened, I was NOT in my chair, when the chair stopped working.  I was playing with it and it went into full recline mode when it stopped working because the connection was loose and not known at the time.  It was an experience I was glad was not harrowing but a small crisis.  Have I reclined in it since?  Yes, but once.  I am sitting in it while doing work on my computer and writing but not in recline mode.  I need to let the fear pass and go from there.  At least I am sitting in the chair.

Today I did not go to church in Beloit because the Pastor and his wife went on vacation last week and are at the Delavan church.  I will be attending church in Beloit next week Lord willing.  So here I am, not able to have a shower today because my worker’s car broke down and will resume her work tomorrow.  I do have to admit, not having control over some things in life… not having a shower today was not one of the things I was really expecting.  The gal who called me this morning after 10 am felt bad that she could not find anyone else to help me and we talked about me trying to take a shower by myself would not be a good idea.  I agreed even though my plan was a good one.  The gal asked me “what if you fall? And that would be a risk not worth taking.  I actually understood and let it go at that.  I was not going to take the risk being by myself and no one else here.

I have been thinking about the friendship between me and RS lately and I am not vercomfortable with what has been happening.  I have tried calling her but her phone is always off or the battery is not charged so I have decided just to leave a message from time to time in hopes she will get it another time and not a week or so later.  I am done hunting her down and I do not see her at my place much anymore.  It is almost like it is now a friendship of convenience now and it is when it is convenient for her.  It is like she has blown me off and I am now sitting on the sideline rooting for her team to win.  The friendship now is of no importance to her but very important to me.  Whatever the relationship, it takes two to make it work, and the feeling of it is “I am hurt.” and my world will go on whether or not RS is in my life.  I have to get past it.  RS could be going through something right now or her health is not what she would like it to be.  I just have to remind myself that she is the one who has the problem and not me – whatever she is going through.   As far as problems, I have problems of my own to take care of and handle so what problems I do have are not RS’s problem.  I am giving RS her space but I am not going to allow her to come into my life when it is only convenient for her anymore.  Our friendship is not going to be the same anymore.  I am going to take control of my life from this day forward.  I have friends … I know who my friends are … I know cares about me and I know who I care about.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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