A Variety of Thought

Drama and Axes To Grind

Since yesterday when I wrote “I have old friends who have drama or an axe to grind from time to time when I see them out in public” has triggered some thoughts all afternoon. I did talk about a former high school colleague who was a year behind me just out of the blue in counseling explaining that I have walked away from dramatic people in my life but I did try calling this high school colleague to apologize for walking away from her and it did not work. This high school colleague could never stand on her own and speak for herself and always allowed others to do her talking for her. Why bother with a friend like that?   I wouldn’t. I can’t anymore anyway.   It would give me too many headaches and I have had my share of them while being friends with this person. After trying to throw the ball back in her court, she rejected it without any explanation, while I left the understanding that my now friend no more has never spoken for herself and allowed others to do her talking for her. Sad.

While I was talking to SW about it in counseling we both agreed that it was best that I did walk away from this friend and go our separate ways. The last time I saw this high school colleague was at the counseling office while I was leaving and her angry look at me could have killed anything in the room. I was glad I was out of focus with my eyes to some extent and rolled on out of there with my power chair and my IDS worker MM was with me at the time.   Honestly, what happened between us that was my choice at the time and something I felt was right at the time needs to be left in the past where it belongs but the looks I had seen showed differently that she would never forget me walking away from her for my health emotionally and mentally. I do not deny how I handled the situation at the time when I walked away was the wrong way to go about it but the damage was done and I really hurt this person to forever anger at me. Very sad and an axe to grind, and I am not the one who has the axe. Makes my heart ache to the extent but I am moving ahead with my friends, family, church, God at the helm guiding me the right direction, and my emotional wellbeing intact for the most part.   I have God on my side and He is my fortress today and always. I need not be thrown a den of hungry lions like Daniel was so long ago or thrown into a burning furnace like Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego for someone’s anger to subside. I will just mind my own business and go on with my life as if certain people do not exist and if I see them in public, I will be civil and kind and walk on through to wherever my destination. I am not the one who has an axe to grind.

I Have A Voice

Let me explain, “I have a voice” more clearly. I have had troubles being my own advocate for a long time. This was four years ago now. Today I have my own voice and I will speak for my own behalf on a lot of things. When I run into a snag or have questions, I am not afraid of ask questions or get advisement from others. Yes, I have my own voice now when four years ago and before then was difficult. I am very happy to have my own voice now. I can reason with others and myself around me, ask questions, and understand what is going on in my own life. That is an awesome feeling to have. When someone can not stand up for himself/herself I feel bad inside and understand that I have been there at one time but my anger does come up from the surface when others speak for others when I know well enough that someone can speak for themselves without help from the peanut gallery. I am so happy to have my own voice today.

A Voice For the Ones Who Cannot Speak Our Language


Now, that I have a voice, I do speak for those who are not able to speak for themselves or speak in the same human language we do. I am not talking about a foreign language that I cannot speak for know some words and numbers in German or Spanish; I am talking about animals who meow, bark, oink, moo, bleat, or nay. Yes, I have a voice for animals that cannot speak our language. You can consider me an advocate for animals who are being abused, neglected, or damaged by humans who do not care about animals. I have grown up around farming communities, my dad’s brothers and sister farmed most of their lives and I have never seen an abused animal on the property nor have I ever seen my cousins, aunts and uncles ever mistreat an animal. My dad has saved animals from abuse, neglect, and abandonment situations. I have always grown up around dogs, cats, farm animals, and people. Never did I ever see an abused animal personally but have seen enough in stories and pictures throughout my life. I am an advocate, an activist, and a voice for those who cannot speak the same human language we can.

I do not remember when I began signing petitions all over the world for animal abuse, neglect, and abandonment issues. I have seen a couple of success stories of petitions signed and those who wrote the petitions have seen results being done about their petitions. That makes my heart sing with joy that something was done. Now, I do find it harder to sign petitions for petitioners who live outside the United States so I ask the best questions possible and pass my concerns to my mother who advises me to either sign or let it go. This is where my heart sinks to its lowest because I cannot help or my signature may not be a good idea. When things get very political my signatures are very hard to come by. I do not like getting politically involved in some areas that do not have anything to do with me individually. I have, however, found time to defend for myself and other individuals when it came to needing funding for specialized programs for the handicapped and disabled who are able to live in the community in their own place or apartment. I have gone to at least five hearings for funding for the handicapped and disabled. I am a voice for other people as well and not just animals who do not speak our human language.

Emilee Marie Cuddles and Bing Noel-Nuggles Crosby Kitty

I had adopted Bing from our local animal shelter on December 18, 2006 one month and four days after my first fur baby Emilee Marie Cuddles passed away on November 14, 2006 from old age at 16 ½. I have rescued both Emilee and Bing from the same shelter almost two decades apart and having Emilee in my life was the greatest thing for me emotionally and mentally. I have always made sure Emilee had the best care possible when it came to me traveling because she was more so a one person cat and not the friendliest to men and some women but she sure did love my mother’s husband and would take awesome pictures for him. Do I miss Emilee? Yes, I do but it has been ten years now and I have had Bing for ten years this coming December 18, 2016. He has filled my life with great joy, love, peace, and understanding. Emilee did those things as well even though she had a little more attitude. It was nice to have Emilee from 8 weeks of age to 16 ½ years old. I was able to watch her grow into her personality but when I had adopted Bing I had decided to adopted an older cat who already had his or her personality and allow them to be themselves. Emilee was a very good cat with me but when it came to other people she was not very friendly nor was she sociable. Bing loves people, the attention, and is very friendly with others. He will talk your ear off with his stories and tales of his life as my cat. He loves attention. Emilee and Bing were two opposites like each end of a pole of some kind.   I loved Emilee and I do love Bing.

As far as Bing is concerned, I make sure he has the best care in the world for him when I go places, plenty of food and water, and alone time. I allow him to be a typical cat but most of the time he is my loving fur baby who is loved by other people. I am home practically 24/7 now and leave to go grocery shopping and leave my apartment from time to time for a couple of hours or so like to church and Bible study and an occasional outing outside shopping and church. I love Bing very much. Whatever happened to him the first few months before I adopted him is unknown but one day he had injured himself and I took him to the vet and had x-rays done to find out if anything was broken in his paws but found out nothing was broken – thankfully – sprained paws. When his x-rays were shown to me I noticed something in his right front leg, right back leg, and chest. I had then learned that someone took the time to shoot Bing with either BB or shotgun pellets! I was on fire and very upset, and the tears in my eyes welled up and I kept wondering if the person or persons who decided to do this would enjoy having BB or shotgun pellets in them in the same spot(s) Bing’s were. I realized that from that moment on, I have been very careful of who got to know Bing for a while until I realized that my protecting him too much would do more harm than good for both of us. Even seven years later the memory of that vet visit to make sure my fur baby was going to be okay from his injury has not entirely left my memory but I have calmed down considerably after a while and allowed Bing to be himself.

A Busy Morning

With Monday always being the busiest day of the week for me, I do have to admit that I have had a very busy morning today. After my shower at 8:30 AM – 9:30 AM, got dressed for the day (or comfortable) since I decided with Pastor V that I will not go to Bible study tonight, I had gotten ready for a very important meeting here at my home. You see, in Wisconsin, we are having some changes occurring starting July 1, 2016, and the meeting I had today was with a gal who works for ADRC (Aging & Disability Resource Center). I will be leaving Catholic Charities in the near future and have a new case manager through IRIS (Include, Respect, I Self Direct) Program. The websites are ADRC and IRIS. I do not like change very well but it can be tolerated with time and need. Someone from IRIS to get in contact with me to pick a case manager and have our first meeting once the paperwork is taking care of will contact me. I will be ready and prepared when July 1st rolls around. At this time I can work with Catholic Charities until IRIS takes over and I will still be working with IDS, and that is something unavoidable at this time. I will have to say goodbye to Catholic Charities before too long. This is something that will be tolerated but greatly missed. We are getting more family care in Wisconsin because there is a lot of people on the waiting list so saying goodbye to Catholic Charities is something I have to do with a heavy heart. Anyway, if I stayed with Catholic Charities under the contract they are under, I may not have JM anymore anyway or TG. I have decided to be my own advocate today – had to be anyway – for this meeting and move on ahead in my life the best I can and know how. Now the transition dreams may not totally end but I might have fewer of them anyway.

The Rest Of My Day

The rest of my day has been relaxing – too relaxing…. I ended up taking a nap for almost 1 ½ this afternoon. The weather has been perfect temperature wise but cloudy and overcast for the past forty-eight hours or so. The weather has been yucky and boring.   When I get bored while watching TV I ended up napping. I have found my afternoon a little boring and I did not have any afternoon time to read any more of the story I am now reading titled “Defects”.

It is going to be bedtime real soon here. I am usually on the computer early in the morning between 6 AM – 8:30 AM Tuesday – Thursday, 6 AM – 9 AM Monday and Friday, and 7:15 AM – 8:30 AM Saturdays, and 7:00 AM – ? on Sunday. I do not get online very often anymore in the evening but since I take naps during boring afternoons, I may get online on my computer now.

Good Night

I am going to say good night. “Good night”… I hope everyone sleeps well or have a good night whenever you all are in the world. It has been a very good day despite some of it was boring.







About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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