Thinking About Total Independence

Am I worried about being more independent than I have been for the past two years?  Yes and no.  I cannot quite get my thoughts out on it just yet since my total independence is somewhat new once again after ten years.  I do remember being independent between 1997 – 2007. I do not deal with changes very well unless I have enough warning ahead of time but then again changes can happen in a blink of an eye. I was and I am still not very happy that IDS’ closing their doors had given the company time to let their clients know of the company closing.  Learning about it, two months ahead of time was an unexpected for IDS.  The day I found out was the day after IDS learned that they had to close their doors.  All the workers knew the day before while the clients knew within a couple of days.  It was upsetting for everyone.  I was truly upset but the idea did not really hit me until the evening of finding out.  I have always considered one of the workers one person the bearer of bad news when it came to her visiting me so my liking this person was kind of hard.  I did like only when she something good to say that would not feel like something was falling crashing through my happiness.  I just could not get past this one person but now I believe I can now.  When I had learned that my former worker MM was planning on coming to say good bye to with the worker I did not really care for, I told it was not necessary for the one worker to come and say good bye because I do not like good byes.  Without going into detail about why here, I did explain to MM why and she did understand.  Seeing MM for the last time was Friday, September 29, 2017, at 10:30 AM.  I did not cry or wipe a tear but as the weekend played its days and hours out, I did find myself thinking about being totally independent.  When my dad called Saturday, I could not think of it being perfect timing because it was timed perfect.  Independent Disabilities Services does not exist anymore.   I am totally independent now minus the personal cares and with DB’s help with groceries, laundry, and cleaning, and an occasional outing.  Sometimes life throws a curve ball and we can avoid being hit by it or we can move to hit that ball right out of the ballpark if we choose to do so.  No, I am not worried about being totally independent now because I have help coming in today and every day to make my independence tolerable and run smoothly.  The yes part of my question is that I have lost one wonderful person who was a wonderful support for me but I know that my total independence will now be a work in progress every day for the rest of my life.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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