Where Am I Heading?

~Dear Diary~

Good evening from Janesville, Wisconsin.  It was a good day.  Had personal cares/IRIS time with DKF this morning.  The laundry got done.  The rest will be done on Friday depending on what does not get done tomorrow.  With tomorrow not here yet, I won’t talk about it, but I do have plans.  I do know that three things will be done tomorrow and what does not get done with IRIS time will be done on Friday.  Anyway, today was bath day, getting dressed, Criminal Minds marathon, reading, and some gaming.  Even Bing Crosby the Cat wanted and needed some cuddle/snuggle time and I enjoy doing that.

As I continue to sit here and let my thoughts be typed across a computer monitor with a computer/laptop keyboard, I have been doing a lot of jabbering the past two days here and the format on how I write in my diary is yet to be perfected.  One of the things I do need to perfect is how to write sentences correctly.  That’ll be the start of something new to work on and that should be BEFORE perfecting the look of my diary and the way I write or why I write.  It is not an easy to task to perfect something so important to me.  I am always a work in progress.

There is so much I need to write about and get off my mind, but first I need to prioritize everything and do what is most important to what is least important.  It is like God comes first than my health, happiness, Bing Crosby the Cat, friends and family come second, my finances come third so that I can pay my bills and keep up with the cost and prices of what I pay monthly and what I need for food and groceries and some good, clean, fun and excitement, and what else falls after number 3 follows suit.  My life without God is a horrible entanglement of clutter that needs to be sorted and sifted carefully.  Decluttering the mind is a tough procedure when times are not going smoothly.  Writing in a diary is a priority, but not the most important one.

One of the things about writing in a diary that is very important to me is my feelings, understanding, experiences, thoughts, and life publicly and personally.  When it comes to personal, I do my best at not allowing the whole world see my troubles to the extent that harms me or those I love and appreciate dearly in my circles.  You see, I have circles, and those circles cannot collide with one another or they will clash and explode into chaos I cannot handle.  I will truthful in my diary entries as well express what I feel without feeling that I have done something wrong or said something that would hurt someone because my diary is my diary, and if I share it publically, I will pay for any consequences that come my way if that happens.  Today’s Sabbath School daily reading lesson did teach me about culpability and Eve, our first mother/parent knew that did wrong by disobeying God and listening to Satan’s lies.  The consequences to her wrongdoing that led Adam to follow suit was losing their status in the Garden of Eden and dealing with what God called later “sin” of the world because now man and woman had the ability of knowing right from wrong, good and evil.  For the longest time, since I have had become interested in the Bible and its teachings and stories of good and evil people, what it would be like if Adam and Eve were not deceived the very cherub God called Lucifer, but my imagination cannot compare to God’s plan for me and the people I have in my life today or have had in my life.

Had in my life?  Yes, that has come across my thought processes as well throughout the years now as well.  I know what I have done to hurt others cannot be undone, but the idea of what I have done has affected me in some way or another for years with some people – some real good people.  If I could take back what I had said and done, I would not hesitate for even one second of my life.  With some of the things I have said and done in my past, I have found it very hard to move forward and continue on with my life without certain people who have been so good to me until I ruined some major chances.  I have walked down roads I wish I did not even begin to walk on.  Holding onto what I have left and getting rid of what I no longer need is not easy to put away for good.  That is the sad part.

Here I am sitting here pouring out my heart like I have never poured it out before, but I have done so privately for the most part.  I have become a private person to some extent and yet I am willing to share about my life to the whole world in a diary – a public one at that.  I am a human being with feelings just like everyone else on this very earth.  Private or public, someone is going to get to know me and relate to me and my thought process, and most importantly, what I share can be relatable to someone without a doubt.

It is going to be 8:30 PM here real soon and I do have a busy day ahead tomorrow.  I am getting tired and sleepy, and almost falling asleep while writing in my diary this evening, lol.  I still have a lot to say, but that will come in time as the days continue to go ahead.  I am beginning to feel more comfortable expressing to others who I am from the inside out, and what I will be sharing is of me and my experiences, thoughts, feelings, and understandings of life around me as I am in the center of it from this day forward.  Even though I have shared some major feeling in this diary tonight, I will say that I have been very happy for the past month because I have found where my stress was coming and going and eliminated what was needed to be taken care of to be happy again.  The past month has shown where my happiness was and wasn’t, and that can be an eye opener.  More thoughts to be shared tomorrow, okay?  Time for me to say good night and God bless.

Good night and God bless and thank you for taking the time to read my diary tonight.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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