July 14, 2022- Dialysis Update

Dialysis went great today. It was perfect. I sat and relaxed while sitting there reading and observing my surroundings. I was quiet again today, keeping to myself, but I did say hello to my dialysis patient neighbor. I did not strike up a conversation with other patients today, either. Since dialysis was going very well, I wanted to remain calm and quiet. I cannot wait for the new clinic because, from what I heard, there will be no more pods. I must take it one day at a time, and the new clinic will come whether I see it or not, but that is one of my goals—God willing. 

There was no problem with the catheter from the start to the end of treatment. My blood pressure registered low sometimes, but the cuff needed to be adjusted or changed from the arm to the leg. While dialyzing, I read and relaxed for the entire three hours. It pays to be calm. Dialysis goes smoothly. 

I got into my chair, hooked up at 8:30 AM, and got out of the clinic by 11:30 AM. I called Lavigne Bus Company thirty minutes before I was finished dialyzing and learned that my ride with them would not come until 12:45 PM. I would not have minded if I could not have gotten a ride at 11:30 AM, but DH came and took me home and did some work for me. 

July 9, 2022 – Dialysis Update

I want to admit that when it comes to medical rides, being set up by a middleman company like Veyo can be frustrating. I have always thought being able to call for a ride was easier before Veyo. I have permanent rides to dialysis on Tuesdays and Thursdays with a company called Lavigne Bus Company, but on Saturdays, my medical rides are bounced weekly. Either it is You Buy We Fly, MMM, All Board, or CMK Delivery LLC. Today I got a company called Carepoint Transit. I have not heard of Carepoint Transit until today, and believe me, when I do not know someone, a business, or where things are, I get a little anxious and feel unsure. At least I get to and from dialysis safely. 

Dialysis went as smoothly as possible because my blood pressure went up and down during treatment. I came into the clinic at 91.5 (kilograms) and left the clinic at the same weight, 91.5 (kilograms). It was a little nerving, but the dialysis machine cleaned my blood from toxins and wastes, and I could be dialyzed for the entire three hours. With my BP going up and down, the dialysis machine had to be put in minimum of three separate times. It was a little frustrating, but today was better than last Saturday when the dialysis machine could only clean my blood because my BP was below 100/50 the entire treatment. Today turned out to be getting some toxins and wastes out and cleaning the blood simultaneously with my BP going up and down and the machine being put to minimum. Dialysis can go fine or not go well at all. 

Because my ride did not get to me until 8:45 AM, getting hooked up to the dialysis machine, I got out of the clinic between 12:15 and 12:30 PM. S the technician (female) had put my time at three hours and thirty minutes when I am only dialyzed for three hours a session. I still got out on time because nurse S fixed the time when one hour and five minutes did not seem right to us. When Nurse S changed the time (set), I had thirty minutes left. Technician S unhooked me from the machine, and S the technician could not get the recliner down, so S the technician was on my right side, Nurse P was on my left side, and L the technician was holding onto the recliner behind me. S and P said to trust them, L said she had the chair stable, and S and P helped me slide to the end of the recliner, and I went on foot out the door. The recliner does not work right (broken but useable because there is no chair to replace it)

I cannot complain about how dialysis went today. I am glad I have my dialysis weekend and I just have to watch my fluids for the next two and a half days.

July 9, 2022 – Dialysis Update

Dialysis treatment went smoothly, although my blood pressure went down twice, and the machine had to put on minimum to clean blood. I came into the clinic at 91.5 kilograms and left at the same weight at 91.5 kilograms because the machine could only get .600 kilograms off and out of me today. At least my blood is clean at normal speed. Last Saturday, my blood was only cleaned because I had low blood pressure the entire session. Also, the speed of the machine was 200—below 250. Today, I got something off and cleaned, and the rate was 400. I have no complaints about dialysis treatment today. Now, my dialysis weekend has begun. 

I do have to admit that Saturdays are always a little more anxious for me than my Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have a company named Lavigne Bus Company to get me to take me to my appointments and back, but Saturday, I find that I do not know who is picking me up because the ride changes weekly. I ended up getting a company called Carepoint Transit. A company I do not know. I usually get You Buy We Fly, MMM, or All Aboard. The company that all these rides come from is called Veyo. When we need to get to an appointment, Veyo is called, and they find a vendor company to take us back home to the appointment. This is frustrating because I am not always ambulatory, especially after dialysis. I have always thought that calling a company that does medical rides was easier than having a middleman like Veyo. At least I get to dialysis every treatment most of the time. 

July 5, 2022 – Dialysis Update

GAMBRO Dialysis Machine

I felt that dialysis treatment would be wonky today, but treatment went well. My machine did not have any problems. The catheter behaved after technician S troubleshot its issue. I did not have any alarms because my blood pressure was below 100/50. It alarmed a couple of times because the bottom number was below 50. I had come in at 91.7 kilograms and left below my dry weight, which is 90.5 kilograms. The machine was set up to filter out 2.0 kilograms of fluid and toxins. I was impressed that the dialysis treatment went smoothly. 

Since last Tuesday, I have wanted to talk to Dr. A, and I got the chance today. I told him what happened Saturday. He told me that I could take medicine an hour before going to treatment to keep my blood pressure above 100/50, and if I needed to have another dose during treatment, it could be done. We also discussed that I have not been withholding extra fluid. Because of the summer heat and humidity, I have not had excess fluid weight gain. From Saturday to today, it has been hot, muggy, and humid in Wisconsin, and what I drink or eat is considered liquid—ice cream, sour cream, ice cube popsicles, soda, water, juice, milk, etc.–seemed not to affect me this weekend. I did not understand right away, but when Dr. A mentioned the hot weather, I said, ‘well, duh,’ silently. I felt embarrassed. Dr. A said that I was doing great. He told me about a procedure, and he is going to see if I am a candidate or not. Technician T spoke to me about sharing information about having a leg graft so I can understand it better and decide what to do—no pressure. As far as Technician T goes as a human being, he is a decent young man who cares about others. I have reservations about having a leg graft because I have had two grafts placed in my arms that clotted and became unusable, as well as not being able to be fixed. The graft in my right arm did not even get used because it began to clot a few days after it was placed. The graft in my left arm was repaired twice, but it clotted in six hours later the second time it was fixed. I returned to the catheter nine months after the graft (left arm) quit working. Dr. A left, and I relaxed the rest of my treatment the best I could. 

Dialysis ended three hours later, and I got home by 1 PM, had lunch, and saw my friend JM after she got off work for the day. I often remind myself that I have had dialysis for four years, yet I am not ready for a second kidney transplant. I have become a private person—more so than a year ago—to this day. Why? I have had my transplanted kidney for thirty-one years; my donor was my mom. The memory of my first transplant, although pleasant, my second kidney may not be as good as my mom’s has been all those years before, and I do not feel comfortable with how patients get on the transplant list. In a way, telling Dr. A that I am protesting about the covid vaccine and boosters—be a choice and not be forced. 

It has been an excellent dialysis day. I had allowed the technicians and God to do their jobs. I need to let God do what he does best—guide and take my health into his hands more. When I allow God to rule the day, my world seems to spin precisely right. My anxiousness is not there. Yes, I have been anxious again. 

July 2, 2022 – Dialysis Update for Today (Saturday)

Throughout treatment today, my blood pressure was low from the beginning to the end, and I could not have any fluid taken off. The machine was only forced to clean my blood, and I got frustrated and wanted to cry. I was not a happy person whatsoever. I was taken off the machine fifteen minutes early, and my blood pressure was 98/49. I came home, took medication to raise my BP above 100/50, and ate two burritos from my freezer. Because of what happened today, I will keep an eye on my fluid intake. Tomorrow is my 52nd birthday, and I will enjoy my outing to Texas Roadhouse with my boyfriend KB and his mom, TB. If it was not for S, the technician (female) told me that I still need to enjoy my birthday tomorrow as she gave me ideas on what to do to have less fluid at lunch. Because I wanted to cry, I found S; the technician’s advice immensely helpful. I want an appetizer, too. It’s my birthday tomorrow, and I will have an enjoyable time. 

Hopefully, on Tuesday, Dr. A will make his rounds to his patients. Today’s experience could not be helped because my BP was low the entire time. At least my blood was cleaned. I could see that my come-in weight was—92.0, but my going-out weight would not compute. It would read 84.0 or 83.0. It should have read 92.0 kilograms because no fluid was taken out. S had to manually record it at 92.0 kilograms without a recording on the scale today. ‘Ugh!’ It was one of those off-days today for dialysis treatment. 

July 1, 2022: News, Dialysis Update for Thursday, & My Diary: My Life in Words

Golden Steals a Tub of Peanut Butter and Masterminds Hilarious Getaway – Pet News (pethelpful.com)

I had a good chuckle with this one.

My day at dialysis went smoothly until thirty minutes away from being done for the day. My blood pressure went below 100/50 at least once. The machine was put in minimum to clean the blood only. My goal was 2.5 kilograms, but by the time we were unhooked and had to have .600 fluid put in because my BP still ran low, I had only taken off 1.9 kilograms of fluid and toxins from my body. I left at 90.3 to 91.4 kilograms. It can be a little frustrating at times—today being one of those days. Another thing that frustrates me is being reminded to watch my fluid because they had to give me some to get my blood pressure up to 100/50. I do dislike it with the feeling of small and my smarts were not there. It is like, “well, duh, who do you think you are talking to here?’ I will be talking to Dr. A about my dry weight and see what I can do to keep my blood pressure above 100/50 before, during, and after treatment. I do have a medication that will bring my blood pressure up if it goes below 100/50, and this medication will not be bothered by the cleaning of the blood like some medications do.

Hello. What a fine day today has been. I had my caregiver DH (back up when JP is away on vacation) come over this morning to do some cleaning and help me get two things out of their boxes and set them up to use. I have two sets of parents. My dad and his wife SK live in Arkansas, while my mom and LLL live in New Mexico. On my birthday on Sunday last month, I texted my parents in Arkansas about what I wanted for my birthday. An air fryer, oscillating fan, and a toaster. The toaster was an afterthought when my toaster of five years stopped working correctly. The air fryer and fan were the two gifts I got from my Arkansas parents. 

The bonus with the air fryer is that it is also a toaster oven. No need for a toaster. Woo hoo! I wanted to get the two items out of their boxes for two reasons: safety and the other to get the boxes out of my apartment and taken to the dumpsters on the property. The toaster oven/air fryer box was large and blocked my getting into or out of the kitchen one way when two ways are getting into the kitchen. One way is from entering the apartment to the left, and the second way into the kitchen is from the living room. I prefer going into the kitchen by the apartment entrance and exit. I exit the same way. Why? I use a walker to get around, so I find it easier to go that way. Sometimes I leave the kitchen by going straight to the living room, but my cat. Magic’s food and water dishes are by the wall, and sometimes Magic is eating, and I cannot get around him without running over a tail or occasional paw. All the things a human will do for their fur baby. Anyway, my air fryer is where I want it in the kitchen, and my older fan has been put in the bedroom while the new one is in the living room. My air fryer is a brand I have heard of but never have had a product with its name. I did get the one I requested without too many questions. 

The fan is a Pelonis, and I had never heard of that name until now, yet it is nice, and I am using it now. I have birthday gifts from my mom and LLL still in the box they used to ship the package from New Mexico to Wisconsin, and I will wait until July 3, 2022, to open the box to see what I got. The temptation is there to open the box, but then I will not have something to look forward to when I wake up Sunday morning. I have a lunch planned with my boyfriend KB and his mom TB Sunday at 11 AM. I want to go to Texas Roadhouse for my birthday. Today, from 10 AM to 3 PM, I had company over getting things done, and I now have time for myself, and the bed is looming close. I will say good night for now and come back tomorrow sometime. Good night! 

Dialysis Treatment Day 1

Gambo dialysis machine

June 28, 2022 – Dialysis Treatment Day 1 of 3 a Week

Dialysis today went smoothly. The technician J (male) did not have a lot of difficulty with the catheter. The blood pulled and pushed enough that getting on the machine was not too difficult. T (male) had helped J by power flushing the catheter and got it going for the next three hours, which was my time being dialyzed. My blood pressure stayed above 100/50 over most of the treatment, but it did go to 96/55. Nurse S (female) put the machine’s temperature down, so my blood pressure had a chance to get back above ake100/50 in the last forty minutes of treatment because I was not being g symptomatic. Time went by, and my eyes started to show signs of dizziness was coming, and my blood pressure was checked and read lower than 96/50. J took the time to readjust the BP cuff on my leg and recheck my BP, and it still read a little low. I was dialyzed to 2.3 kilograms, which was .20 kilograms from how much was being taken out at 2.5 k50ilograms. I asked J to put the machine on minimum. I left at 89.7 kilograms which is .8 kilograms. I have a feeling I am mathematically incorrect. It does not seem right.

There were no doctor rounds today. No, Dr. A, not Dr. S (female). While I was dialyzing, I sat and played a game on my phone and read for a few minutes. I wanted to be quiet so dialysis would go through the three hours of treatment with little to no difficulty today. Also, whoever a patient or staff member complained about me did not make me very happy. While waiting for a technician to call my name, the social worker K (female) came to talk to me about something, and being reminded or told that someone complained did not make me feel comfortable. It made me feel small and embarrassed, and it made me quieter. That was part of the reason I took the time to play a game and read. There is one patient I like, but her attitude sometimes does not please me. I think she is boisterous and loud, and if she does not want her talks being overheard, she needs to lower her voice. That is my opinion. I am still a little pissed about the complaint. I want to know who said anything. So, from now on, until further notice, I will keep to myself.

Dialysis Update for the Week, My Life in Words, and Another Dream I Had

GAMBO DIALYSIS MACHINE: The Dialysis Clinic has this machine at their clinic. I did not realize it until a technician said it was the same dialysis machine used. Mercy Health Dialysis Clinic in Janesville, Wisconsin.

June 21 

Today was a good day with no major issues with the catheter. Treatment went smoothly for most of morning. For some reason it has been a little challenging getting 3.0 to 3.2 kilograms of fluid out while cleaning my blood of toxins my kidney can no longer filter on its own. My BP (blood pressure) goes below 100/50, and the machine needs to be put in minimum to clean the blood only and no longer pull any more fluid that accumulated in a day and a half during the week and then from Saturday afternoon to Tuesday. My dialysis begins Saturday afternoon after I leave the clinic parking lot, and we have Sunday and Monday with dialysis starting on Tuesday with a new week of three treatments. I know I am a little ahead here. 

For today, I saw Dr. A while he was making his rounds after I got hooked up on the machine. We talked about how well I have been doing on dialysis, and hinted about a kidney transplant, but told him I was not ready. He told me that there was a patient on dialysis for seventeen years. I believe it can relate to attitude and conviction and doing what’s right. I care, listen, and have a good attitude when I go to and from dialysis even though there are days of nervousness, frustration, and emotion. The only time I may have difficulty is when it is ridiculously hot and cold during the year. After Dr. A dismissed himself, I did my best to relax to allow treatment to work.  

June 23 

When it comes to catheters for dialysis, I am not the only patient. That does not matter. I have accesses issues. My fistula clotted off 10 months after it was placed and it never was used, and the two grafts placed in right and left arms gave a little trouble. The graft in the left arm worked for nine months before it clotted off and IR (Internal Radiology) doctors and nurses, and technicians did not get my graft to work for dialysis again. Because I was having the procedure done late, and because the graft was gone, I had a catheter placed. It was my fourth catheter placement, so I was not worried, but tired because it was a long day having two procedures done in one day. 😴😴. I do not remember if it was a Tuesday or a Thursday, I had left the clinic to go to the hospital, but because my procedures did not end until after 5 PM, I was admitted into the hospital that evening and had dialysis because not having dialysis until – I just remembered that it was a Tuesday – Thursday would be too long of a wait. Dr. A discussed it and agreed that it was a wise idea because by the time I got back to the clinic before it closed for the day. My former caregiver DKF was there for me that day and made sure I got me home the following day with no major issues. With the catheter back, I was back to sponge baths.😣.  

June 25 

What a rainy day this morning and early afternoon has proven to be. I do not mind the rain but having to go out in it gets my body aching and sore. Despite how rainy and wet it got today, getting dialysis today was not bad. With a company called Veyo issuing medical rides to companies in Milwaukee, Janesville, and Madison, Wisconsin, I find getting rides set up every Saturday makes me feel nervous when I do not know the company. Yes, I did not know the company, but getting to and from dialysis today was a pleasant experience. I do not like Veyo nor the company MTM very much, but I make it work. Anyway, today’s dialysis went smoothly until the last forty-five minutes of treatment. My blood pressure went below 100/50 and I got dizzy a little bit. I did my best to ride it out, but my dizziness got bad enough that I needed to be put on minimum for a few minutes. The machine was turned back on after ten minutes when my dizzy spell passed, but when I was thirty minutes away from being done, I asked to be put on minimum because my left arm started shaking uncontrollably. I have an appointment with Dr. H Monday afternoon over the airwaves – Google Doc – and will be discussing this shaking that has happened twice now this month. I left with only 1.8 kilograms of fluid taken out of my body today. As soon as I was unhooked and wheeled out to the scale and weighed, I was 107.3 kilograms, but we have to take off 17.9 and .5 kilograms before recording the outgoing weight. As far as I am concerned, I have mixed feelings about my outgoing weight today, but will check it out with Dr. A on Tuesday when we talk if he comes. 

DIARIES

Please forgive me for not writing to share my life the past couple of days. I feel I have not been writing in my diary or journal lately. I cannot say I have been swamped outside of going to and from dialysis three times a week or visiting my friend DC here at Garden Court. I have been staying close to home right inside my place, dealing with aches and pains and redness under my sagging boobs, and breasts for the past few days of hot summer in Wisconsin. I seem to get red in the folds of my body and breasts when it gets hot, which can sometimes be a little painful. I am glad it is healing now since Gold Bond Powder has been helping it. My air conditioner has been running off for several days, keeping it cooler. Since I was home from dialysis yesterday afternoon to today, I have been watching 3ABN or Forensic Files on the Roku channel. I have made Forensic Files my marathon show for the weekend since HMM has Christmas movies. From what I understand, these Christmas movies will run for a week. I do not watch too many Christmas movies when it is not Christmas these days.

Magic Kitty

Magic has been a good boy these days. He has moments in time where he is a wild, feisty cat, but it is him, and he is two years old. The other day, my caregiver JP went through the folder I had gotten with his adoption; she recognized his given name Kirk and said he was one of the few feisty kittens in humane society. She also said that Magic was deemed feral, which explains his demeanor sometimes and his not knowing the litter box the first several days of his new life in a loving home. Over the past several days, I have noticed that my temper with him has softened as he gets into the closets or kitchen cupboard above the refrigerator. The name Kirk sparked memories JP had when she once worked and volunteered at the local humane society. I have been putting up with Magic more these days because raising my voice does no good to him or me. My voice rises, and he does not listen anyway, LOL. When he gets into the closets, I aim a water bottle his way and squirt, listening to his protest as he runs away. He voices his opinion on discipline, yet I love the little stinker very much. He is my fur baby today and always. Thank God for helping me with my patience and temper with Magic today and in the future. Thank you for helping me, Jesus.

Some Emotion Lately

I must admit that I have been a little emotional these days, but it comes from the redness under my breast and body folds. I have been quieter at dialysis this past week because I have known the known and thoughts about July coming and what happens on July 3, 2022. That is a week from today, and I will be fifty-two years old. I feel older than that sometimes – like today – muscles ache and moving about can sound like a creak and crunch along the way.  I feel older than my actual age and using a walker sometimes can be frustrating. Having to put a brace and shoe on) to walk any distance is not a problem, but I wish it were not happening. Do not take what you once did so long ago for granted. I am grateful that I can still walk, be independent and do things for myself even though I want to be safe in following through with my routines using and sitting on a walker. I have fallen so many times because of balance issues.

Ideas

As I continue to write my Life in Words blog and share what matters to me with others, ideas come and go. I add what comes to mind, or I do not. I know I have lacked my idea of writing in my blog like a newsletter, but that does not stop me from creating innovative ideas to add to my blog, right? It is my blog. Even though ideas still come through, I have yet to make some of them known to my readers. I have not been super busy, but I have been affected by the heat of the summer that has put my blog aside, and I get to it when I can. Sunday is the day I can get caught before relaxing and getting it done. I have been taking the time to read and play games on the phone or iPad these days as well to relax.

Time to Go

Even though it is only 6 PM here this evening in Wisconsin, I am going to say it is time for me to go to do other things. It is still early enough for me to begin a project that I plan to follow through.  I am going to good night early and come back tomorrow or during the week sometime. This weekend has been great! Good night.

DREAM

Okay, I had another dream that I remember, and had last night. I will be honest that I had watched two seasons out of three about people being haunted. The show is called Haunted. It was a big mistake watching the episodes that was before me on Netflix. Want to talk about strange or whatever, it was some dream.e 

 I was visiting a country because there was a convention. The country was London, England. I was not the only American who was at this convention, but I was having an enjoyable time, and meeting other people without the feeling nervous or small. I met people my age and a little younger, and I became a part of a small group of people who I spent time with when the convention was done for the day. We went to see the sights of famous places in London, and we found a wonderful and beautiful place that was open to the public day and night, and yet the place closed at 3 AM like a pub or bar. As we explored the place, I was beginning to see things that were there my group of friends did not see. It was not that they did not believe me, the group thought that I was hallucinating or something. I pointed at the floor and one of the girls in the group said that she could see a plate of food that had cheese and crackers, and venison on it. She went to pick it up and hand it to one of boys who could not believe what was happening as he began to see what I was seeing. He turned around with the plate, and suddenly we see a bunch of garbage bags in the room we were in, and they were ready to go outside. The boy ended w witalking toward the garbage bags and suddenly jumped into the pile and disappeared. The rest of the group and I ran out of the room and went into another room that had a long table with chairs. We sat down to catch our breaths and discuss what we just did and saw. We did not know of any hauntings nor cared to know, but one of the men in our group decided to investigate hauntings in London, England, and he did find that the place was not on the list. We found that very strange indeed. We got out of the room and began to leave when I had started to talk like a little girl, and the group looked at me with strange faces as if they thought that I was being possessed. The plate of food that disappeared with the boy in a different room was on the floor, and I needed help picking it up. One of the girls did pick up the plate and scattered food, and handed it to me, and then I left the room from another door, and exited out the building with no problem. The group of people I was with never came out, and I was alone on the street. I got back to the convention as if I knew London, and people there were asking questions and one of them asked where I have been for the past four hours of my day. I looked at the people and thought I had gone crazy, and I told them I went for a walk with some friends I had met there at the convention, and they looked at me with awe, and one of my roommates said that she saw me leaving alone and talking to myself. I looked at my roommate and I said that I could see the people I was talking to. My roommate asked me to give more detail of my new friends and did just that with precise and perfect descriptions, and the next thing I know, I was being shown some pictures, and my friends were in several. My roommate showed me the back of the pictures that said 1945 on them, and this group were killed in a fire. My roommate asked me where I went, and I told her only three blocks away to a building that was beautiful on the outside, and it had one room with garbage bags ready to go out to a dumpster, and another room had a long table with chairs where we sat and discussed the strangeness in the building, and how one of the boys jumped into the pile of garbage bags, and disappeared with a plate of cheese, crackers, and venison, then the plate reappeared before I left the room on the floor of the last room I was in with the group. My roommate said that the place I went to the very place where the fire was, and what I saw were the people who died in that fire in 1945. My roommate had explained that the building I went to was has been remodeled on the outside only, but the inside of the building has been the same since 1945. I told her there was a sign that read from 8 AM to 3 AM. My roommate said that there is no sign, but she believed I saw the sign. The building used to be a rest home for the mentally challenged young folk from 1905 to 1945 when the fire killed the group of people I was hanging with. I told her that I wondered why the group never came out with me. My roommate said that I must have taken them home where they lived for a reason, and I looked at her and told her that I even talked like a little girl before one of the girls picked up the spilled plate of food that had materialized in the room. My roommate said that was a sign to let them know that I was going to be okay and that is why the room had two exits, and I took the one that was the opposite from my group of friendughs. I was allowed to exit the building without any hesitation from my ghostly friends who were solid in my eyes. Looking at my roommate, I had this strange look and feeling to tell her that this was a bunch of baloney, but I did see that there was information about this haunted place. I mentioned that there was a man who was looking for information about that very building, and my roommate said he was just going through the motions to make it look like he was. I said that he said it was not haunted. My roommate mother said after listening for the past forty-five minutes that the man who said that was a relative of hers, and that he was killed in that fire in 1945 along with his two sisters. My roommate looked at her mother and said something that scared me a little, because her words were muffled and short, and her mother stopped talking and continued to listen. The others at the convention were there listening and quiet until they realized that my experience had ended with the idea that I was prone to outside forces of strange things. I looked at all those people and saw faces I no longer knew and walked out of the convention for good, and as I did so, I walked into my apartment in the United States and shutting the door to the life I left, living a life that became my very own without limitation. I had a cat who became a part of my world, and we had bonded without any problems. I never went back to London nor saw my new group of ghostly friends again. 

Why 1945 London, England? My group of ghostly friends were dressed in an earlier period, but I did not mind. The ghostly friends were not transparent or had any aura about them that made them go through walls. Hmm?

June 18, 2022 – My Diary & Blog: My Newsletter

Diary on Google search
Diaries (not mine)

7:30 AM 

It is Saturday morning, thirty minutes before 8 AM, and I have been up since 5:45 AM ready to begin my free period before JP gets here. I have to say that sometimes waking up in the morning can be challenging when I do not get sleep past 10 PM but by 12 AM. I did not get my eight hours of sleep last night, but I am awake enough to stay awake for the day with no nap later. 

9:30 AM 

At dialysis having treatment, so more details later. 

A Deja Vu moment 

About ten minutes ago, I had a moment, I thought I had dreamt the scene was seeing before, but it just happened at that moment. It mystifies my thinking process to think I have seen and heard and yet it just happened, but I have not seen or heard before. I know we dream when we sleep, but I know I did not dream what a technician was saying and doing as if I saw and heard it before today. 

Stranger Things on Netflix 

When it comes to science fiction and fantasy movies or TV shows, I want to say that Stranger Things on Netflix is a favorite. I watched the first three seasons last year before I even thought of moving out of Burbank Plaza. Yesterday I noticed that the fourth season had come out or at least the first seven episodes of the program. I made my afternoon a Stranger Things marathon. I was so engrossed in a part of the show, hearing my friend JM unlock my door to come made me look at the door and watch her come in and her say hello. I FORGOT she was coming. OOPS. LOL. Did the show have something to do with me looking at the door when JM unlocked the door? Let me say that I was a little spooked because the sound seemed louder, and she put the key in the lock. Because I forgot that JM was coming Friday after work, and I felt embarrassed for a few minutes, then laughed at the idea that Stranger Things was the cause of my spooked moment in time. Anyway, I watched all seven episodes and I loved it. It was the dream that I do remember having after getting to sleep after midnight. I rarely stay up late past 9 PM on the night before dialysis day the following morning. To tell the truth, I am always asleep between 8 and 10 PM each night because I fall asleep while watching TV. I sleep in the living room in my chair. My bedroom is warm all year round. 

Jurassic World Dominion Thoughts 

Even though I have already talked about the fact I saw the movie earlier in the week, I want to admit that seeing dinosaurs in commercials reminds me that I saw the latest movie in the Jurassic Park and World franchise. Computer graphic imaging intrigues my senses and mind how a computer program can do such graphics these days. I use a computer daily or my iPad, Kindle Fire. I am into electronics. I was introduced to Mac when I was in 8th grade and got a Commodore C64 when I was a junior in high school. My mom’s husband who I call ‘Dad’ or ‘daddy’ had taken my passion for computers seriously and helped me make my knowledge of computers grow through the past forty years. Now, as well, I have been getting Perdue chicken nuggets shaped into dinosaurs, LOL. My friend JM said, ‘so what’ the other day when I told her the nuggets were chicken meat with vegetables. Chicken is a clean meat in the Bible. Please understand that I am not shoving my beliefs and Bible knowledge down anyone’s throat. I am here doing what I want and need to do as a diarist and a blogger. 

My Saturday (Most of the time) 

After getting home from dialysis, I had a little bit of time to relax and get some lunch before my company came. My friend JM, my boyfriend KB, and his mother come over to worship the Lord with me since dialysis takes me away from going to church Saturday mornings and has been for the past four years. If KB and TB do not make it over on a Saturday afternoon, it is because she is on call at work during the weekend, but JM comes over after church or work. JM works at the hospital as the morning cook every other weekend. Also, depending on Magic’s mood and need to cuddle, Magic and I share a few moments of cuddle time and kisses. 

Today 

JM arrived first then a few minutes later because the security doors are made to let tenants in if their key fob does not work, TB and KB came in. We sat and talked for a few minutes, then we did Saturday’s daily Sabbath school lesson, and then chatted some until a little after 3:30 PM when JM announced that it was time for her to get ready for supper with her husband MM. TB and KB left at the same time leaving me alone to do what I wanted and needed for the rest of the afternoon and evening. 

After everyone left, Magic and I shared the same space in the living room for a couple of hours, watching TV and resting. I was watching movies on HMM.

Garden Court sign in front of building

Here we are, in the second to third week, the apartment building is at risk of strange people and the homeless getting into the building. With 132 apartments and tenants coming and going from the front and back doors, the unseen can see that the security locked doors are not working properly. There is a part that the security locked doors need and right now the part is on back order, and many of those strong minds know that when something is on back order, it takes time. I am glad I live on the third floor here at Garden Court, but because of the safety measures right now are questionable, and I am not saying that management does not care about the tenants’ safety. I keep my door locked when home. 

Also, as of Friday, June 17, I had an appointment with the management at 1 PM. It was time for my recertification for the year 2022. Every year, HUD subsidized housing apartment buildings and complexes have recertifications of all the tenants four months prior to the day they moved in no matter when they moved in. As of October 1, 2022, I will see what my rent will be raised up to, stay the same, or it goes up a little bit because the cost of living goes up every year in January. I have moved to Burbank Plaza in March of 1998 and moved out October 1, 2022, after twenty-three years. I am happy to be away from a place that took my happiness away and found my happiness at Garden Court. Even though right now the building has security lock problems that need to be fixed, Garden Court is my home now, and I love it here even though one room which is the bedroom is used seldom because it gets warm in there all year round, and it is hot in the winter because of the heat, and since I live on the third floor, heat rises like a fast volcano about to erupt. I have been sleeping in my chair in the living room at night. 

Being a tenant here for nine months since June 1, I want to admit that there are tenants in my age group here whereas at Burbank Plaza, before the rule changed to 62 and over, but those who are younger than 62 can continue to live at Burbank Plaza until they move. I have moved out from a place that has turned into a place that the management would not stick to enforcing the rules of living in a community, and there has been rule breakers and troublemakers that should have been evicted. Yes, a tenant and her boyfriend were legally evicted, but after that court case, nothing was done with other tenants who caused trouble. It even took a while after my former caregiver DFK and I had some difficulty with a tenant and his ex-wife, nothing was done except for a write up and a warning to both troublemakers at the time. The male tenant called DKF a bitch and tried to tell her that she was parked in a handicapped stall, and that it was reserved to a couple in the building. The management told us that there is no assigned parking for anyone. Okay, I get it, management at Burbank Plaza had her hands tied and had difficulty with the eviction of the tenant three years ago, but honestly, not being able to enforce the rules made for all the tenants made me feel uncomfortable living there for three years until I moved out October 1, 2022, to Garden Court. More thoughts later about Burbank Plaza. I am glad to be home where I am happy. Remembering also that I was afraid that I was not sure if my AR parents would be upset that I moved, so one day I texted them and told them that I was moving to Garden Court downtown two weeks before I moved. I got a response from my parents that they were happy for me, and I was moving to a new place and moving to a new home is always exciting. I am not sure because packing and unpacking for and from a movie is tedious and troublesome.

Gsmbro dialysis machine for hemodialysis
Dialysis Machine

June 14 

Treatment today went fine. The catheter behaved through treatment with little hitches that were easily managed. My blood pressure ran below 100/50 and the machine had to be put in minimum thirty minutes before I was taken off for the day. For some reason, my blood pressure runs low or cannot be read when the cuff inflates and deflates. Today, the cuff could not read my blood pressure. This happens with kidney disease. I asked Dr. A about it in my one of our appointments at the clinic when he was making his rounds to all the patients. Today, being a clinic visit with the doctor, I have to admit that Dr. A is not worried about my labs and wants to keep things as things are at this time. My labs from last week are excellent, and I got to see all my labs but one and that was my phosphorous level. When I got to the clinic, I asked the dietitian what it was because the result was not showable on Mercy MyChart this time. We get labs drawn once a month and hemoglobin and hematocrit twice a month. We will get, what the clinic calls it, H&H done again next Thursday. Labs are drawn on the second Thursday and two weeks later H&H is done a second time. 

June 16 

Before I go on to how dialysis went today, I would like to explain a little bit about myself beginning dialysis in 2019. Yes, I have been dialyzing for four years now since my transplanted kidney contracted kidney disease. My transplanted kidney is seventy-eight years old, and my mother was my living donor in 1988. I have had twenty-six years with the kidney when glomerulonephritis attacked the kidney. Also, my kidney was seventy-four years old. Today the kidney is seventy-eight years old has a GFR function of 5. That tells the nephrologists in my care and on my case that dialysis is necessary, and I am dialyzing three times a week. It is something I must do to survive from the toxins and fluid buildup because the kidney cannot do it anymore. Hemodialysis is where the blood is cleaned of the toxins and fluid buildup in the body. A person needs a fistula, graft, or catheter to do hemodialysis. When I found out that I was sick with total kidney failure in 1987, I had to do peritoneal dialysis because my kidneys were too far gone to wait for a fistula to mature. I was seventeen and did not know nor I was given any explanation between the two forms of dialysis. From 1988 to 2022, there has been some great strides in the medical field as far as nephrology is concerned, but I still have mixed feelings about thirty-four years ago when my kidney journey began as a patient. 

Today, choosing to have hemodialysis this time instead of peritoneal dialysis, I have made the decision because of my experience with peritoneal catheter, getting peritonitis twice, cellulitis once, and now I have a belly button hernia, and having cerebral palsy that limits my ability to hook myself up every night at home. My right side is weaker than my left, and my right side of my body, and so many changes have happened since 2011—eight years before losing my kidney enough to have dialysis a second time in my life. 

When it comes to kidney transplantation to mind, I have some mixed feelings about having another transplant right now. When Covid came about in the United States, affecting the entire nation, we had several months of businesses closing and reopening, and so many people have gotten sick and died from Covid itself. The world had to make some changes and ever since Covid, I have been wearing a mask while in public to my dialysis treatments three times a week, other doctor appointments, errands, and when necessary, at home. I have been careful and mindful of who comes into my home. I have no plans right now when it comes to a second transplant. I understand that the medical professionals want all their kidney patients vaccinated because kidney disease is a pre-existing condition and transplants are working with immune systems that are low, but my feeling about having to be vaccinated should be a choice and not be forced by medical officials. I see the understanding on the medical side, but some patients have other medical issues that may interact with the vaccine, and the vaccine may harm the patient. Because of the fact the transplant team want all patients to be vaccinated and have the boosters to the updated time to get on the transplant list. Also, how the government officials have scared everyone all around the world is beyond me when the Covid tests are updated flu tests annoys me. A former caregiver of mine had come over one day with her usual mask over her nose and mouth, and she said she want feeling well. It was the weekend, and the following Monday, she told me that she had tested positive for Covid, and her symptoms were a real bad headache and having no energy. I never got Covid although my chances were great because we were a mere few inches the Saturday, she was giving me a sponge bath, and I was not wearing a mask, but she was. 

Now, as far as dialysis is concerned for today, I have to say that I was able to have treatment and go home feeling safe, but tired and wiped out. My catheter worked through the three hours I was dialyzing, but it had a couple of quirks to get kinked out during the three hours I sat or reclined there. It was a little nerving, yet the catheter worked. Catheters are temporary forms of dialysis; catheters need to be replaced when they do not work well or as well as they have done from the beginning of placement can be nerve-racking. I want to praise and thank God for my medical needs and catheter working well enough to get through treatment each week despite the quirks and occasional issues that clear up with flushing, pushing and pulling of saline solution, and having medication call Cathflo (that is how it is spelled) put in the catheter after every treatment for catheter maintenance because my blood clots faster and easier for some reason. I may not be a complicated patient, but my case is. The technician was having some difficulty with my catheter today, so one of the nurses got involved to get the catheter working again. The catheter behaved after a tweak or two and when my blood pressure went below 100/50, the machine had to be put in minimum, and I was given a medication to elevate my blood pressure a little to get it above 100/50 before turning the machine back on to taking toxins and fluids. The nurse who was taking care of the patients in Pod 1 decided to lower my goal from 3.0 kilograms to 2.7 kilograms since had a few about an hour left of treatment. 

It always gets busy at dialysis. Technicians and nurses on the floor at times managing their assigned pods (there are four pods of four chairs a piece). When technicians go to lunch at 11 AM, there is always two other technicians and a nurse on the floor. I have my favorite technicians who seem to keep the anxiety at bay, and a couple of the nurses as well. Today, I did my best at allowing them to do their jobs by not worrying about what was going on with my catheter. I do not think I did too bad because I was able to get through three hours of treatment without significant issues. When I am upset or anxious, my catheter will not work properly. When I get in early, I can get out early and go home so I can relax and be with my Magic Kitty who hates it when I leave for a little over three hours on dialysis days. I do not like leaving him, either. I have separate anxiety from time to time, but it has gotten better since I moved in at Garden Court Apartments on October 1, 2021 

Thank you for taking the time to learn more about my dialysis and how dialysis works in my behalf. I know this was a long entry today, but I wanted to give more details of dialysis as an update. More on Saturday. 

June 18 

Dialysis went smoothly for most of the treatment. My BP does not always register on the machine these days, so the technician or nurse will have to readjust the cuff and retake my BP. During the week my BP did not register three times at one of my treatments. That does not bother me too much, but it is annoying. The reason why blood pressures do not always register on the machine is because the access points or area of the veins can be harder to detect with kidney disease. That scares me a little bit. 

While at dialysis today, I learned something about fluid in the cardiovascular area of the body. When there is fluid in there, the fluid is pulled from around the heart, the machine indicates by your blood pressure reading when it registers, and if blood pressure reads below 100/50, the machine needs to be put on minimum until BP gets back up above a little above 100/50. The clinic does not let a patient leave if BP is low. Low blood pressure causes dizziness and cramping, I have experienced both at the same time as well as separate occasions. Today out of 3.2 kilograms, I was able to dialyze to 2.73 kilograms leaving at 91.0 kilograms (½ kilograms to my dry weight). 

Dialysis Update and A Relaxing Day

On May 28, 2022, I remember my catheter not wanting to work properly, causing dialysis to not happen that day. Then last week, technicians were doing their best to get extra fluid out of me. By Saturday, May 4, 2022, I was a little bit below my dry weight 90.5 kilograms. I will not argue or deny how hard the technicians worked me. This week has proven to start out aa little rocky. I was able to dialyze, but when my blood pressure ran low, the machine had to be put in minimum, and I was hoping that was not necessary today. Dialysis went smoothly from the start when I was hooked up. The catheter did not want the arterial line to pull at first, but the technician taking care of me had flushed the line and the line finally pulled. I was able to sit and relax and read for a while. Waiting to talk to Dr. A about last week was hard as I saw him go from patient to another before getting to me, so when he finally came to me, I was ready to talk to him. 

I told Dr. A what happened last week, and he told me that he understood that I could not dialyze that Saturday, and that happens at times. I told him that I was 6.1 kilograms coming into the clinic last Tuesday. I was disgusted with myself, and the emotion of the day ran into the weekend—as if I did not care. I did care, I was frustrated about it all and the weather did not help me. He understood and told me that he was not worried about me in the circumstances I had last week. He said that I left Saturday with my weight being below my dry weight, and he was not worried. He also said that I am doing fine and will keep my dry weight at 90.5 kilograms. He then left me and went on his way. He sees all his other patients before seeing me. Am I the best for last? Hmmm? Not always, no. 

Dialysis went smoothly for the three hours, except for the last ten to twenty minutes. I began cramping in my left leg and foot. The technician put the machine in minimum leaving me at 2.62 kilograms out of 3.0 kilograms. When I was taken off and the last blood pressure reading was 104/??, so I did not need to have fluid added in my lines to put it up a bit. I was able to walk out to the scale and get a weight. I left at 91.4 kilograms. 

Dialysis went smoothly from beginning to end—three hours of getting toxins and fluid out. Within the last ten minutes of dialysis, I started to have some eye trouble which usually means that dizziness is coming. I asked to be put the machine on minimum. I got close to 3.0 kilograms, and when weighed, using a wheelchair today, I was below my dry weight a little bit. I will not argue with how dialysis went for the day. 

Treatment on Saturdays is the end of the week for me, and I have two days once I leave the clinic after dialysis. Sitting for three hours was not too bad today, even when my blood pressure went below 100/50 in the last twenty minutes of treatment. The machine was put on minimum at 2.6 kilograms out of 3.2 kilograms.I went into the clinic at 93.9 kilograms and left at 91.4 kilograms. For the first time in a while, I was able to walk out of the clinic to the scale and before I hit the lobby, I sat down on my walker to wheel myself to a chair and call my ride to take me home. I walked out to the vehicle with someone watching me and got in the vehicle with help and no problem. I have difficulty getting into high vehicles, but with help and patience from my driver, I got in without too much worry and anxiety. It pays to have a caregiver at my side from time to time and a company I do not know yet. 

Today I talked to a nurse at the clinic openly about one of the patients. Trying to not throw him under the bus, I am very observant, so seeing this patient not listening or caring that he is at the clinic, I wonder what his walk of life was before he started dialysis. I have been dialyzing for four years and two months now, that I have been coming and going to the clinic because I want to live with not being ready for a second transplant currently. I have my reasons and they are personal and medically related to the latest pandemic—Covid-19. I am not impressed that everyone who has kidney disease must be vaccinated, and that is a choice the patients should make, not medical advisors. Then again, I see the side of medical advisors as well. To be put on the list, you need to be vaccinated to be protected from Covid, and this is where I disagree and feel it is a patient’s right or not to be vaccinated. Anyway, I went off the subject and need to get back to the subject at hand – the patient. Every now and then, when sitting in chair 1 or 2, seeing how the patient in chair 5 does not care if he crosses his leg and his blood pressure reads low, he does not want his feet being put up. He allows the nurse and technician to put his feet up, but he wants them down within minutes. He complains by moaning and groaning noticeably loud to get the attention of the nurse and technician. He always asks, ‘can I put my legs down?’ This patient is 80-something years old, and his actions are child-like. Okay, I get it that we dialysis patients are from different walks of life and do not know this patient’s life and history, but being obvious and noticeable, I find that hard to swallow. The alternative of not being dialyzed is death, and this patient comes because he must stay alive. The nurse I spoke openly about this patient through what I see, and she understood where I was coming from when I said the patient acts, he does not want to be here but needs to be here to stay alive. I feel I should not have spoken so openly. 

With it being Sunday, June 12, 2022, I am chilling, relaxing, reading, watching Murder, She Wrote on the Roku channel, and enjoying my day that is my day with no company. I am still reading Evidence of Love. I am more than halfway through the book. Because I love mystery and stories that are based on true stories are my favorite books to read, the story is good. It is an enjoyable read. From watching the miniseries and movie a couple of weeks ago, I cannot believe that Candy Montgomery got acquitted for killing Betty Gore. From the movie I saw that Betty Gore brought out the axe. Did she start it? That is properly why Candy was acquitted. I have also played Monopoly Solitaire as well for a couple of hours.