Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

I do understand that my mom and stepfather are happy together but the happiness I see my mother in seems to be fake to me. Why am I disgusted? Well, I have an off and on loving relationship with my stepfather and it is driving me crazy. We can get along if it is his terms it seems. Why is my mom happy with him? Can’t she see through him? He can be a jerk at times. I get e-mails from my stepfather at times that are not of any interest to me or my lifestyle. I am a person who hates to get pictures that have a sexual intent or are even dirty or fairly dirty. My stepfather still sends them to me now and then and I am not interested in those kind of e-mails. My mom knows not to send sexual or dirty pictures to my e-mail boxes no matter how cute they may be. That is why I am disgusted. He hasn’t stopped yet. My stepfather craves and loves dirty pictures. I am a believer in Christ but it does not mean that is why I don’t like dirty pictures or anything fairly close to dirty and not so cute. I have a heart that cares about the clean things of life more than the dirty things of life. I wish my stepfather would give it up sending me dirty pictures. I am not interested and if I told him to do so, it might get worse or he will be snickering under his breath about my dislike of dirty pictures. I think my stepfather has a very dirty mind sometimes…okay most of the time!

Another thing I have noticed between us, is talking about religion or beliefs. When I visited my parents in NM for the first time since they moved there from Wisconsin, my stepfather and I got into a discussion abou God and he immediately found a way to down God immediately as well as my feelings towards the creator I know is really and truly here watching over us. How he downed my feelings, was he had gotten online and found a few pages of someone’s writing about God and my stepfather had read the pages to me making me feel real dumb and stupid, I literally went to bed in tears that evening. If my parents heard my sobs from my room that night, they never said a word to me, and if they did, who cares now. This happened two years ago.

Why do I have this love hate relationship with my stepfather? I can say this, that I like to be kind to people no matter if they can be jerks at times I suppose. Now that I sit here rehashing some things, I do have to say I am GLAD not to be in a relationship now and I plan to not be in another relationship again unless God wants me to be in a relationship again. I am done looking myself at this time.

What I have just written here was a piece of my private/personal life that I have yet not shared with anyone but my closest friends and adoptive Mom. Now I have shared my private life here for the whole world to see. It is getting harder and harder for me to hold in my lfe – private and personal or not. I have been reading some real good journal entries here for the past two years now as well as write my own entries now and then on a regular basis. Many diarists have shared their most innermost thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I do get it to why people have troubles with other people as far as what they write but there always going to be a controvesry to face no matter where you go in life. We don’t always live life from a day to day basis in a very cheery state of mind do we? We have to count our blessings when things don’t seem right all the time, and be grateful for the goodness in life. I may not like my stepfather from time to time but he is married to my mom and I have no choice but to let their life alone.

More later

Okay, my day started out just wonderful…NOT! As my day got older, so didn’t the rst of me. After my friend Mark had called and told me that his truck was in the shop, I thought that we would have to take a rain check on this day to go grocery shopping and dinner but by 3:15 p.m., he his truck was on the road again and he was on his way to pick me up to go grocery shopping and dinner. Mark and I had decided to go to a restaurant closer to home than his workplace for dinner after we got done with shopping and dropped everything off and put it away but when we got there at the restaurant, there was going to be a fourty-five minute wait until we got a table so we went to another sit down place and ate. I still had my fish and potato and Mark had his sandwich. When we had gotten to the restaurant anyway, I learned that Mark did not like fish! Good timing in telling me because he loves to fish and we were going to a Friday night fish fry as planned even though our plans were changed once again.

Alas, no more crowding while I am on my computer! I have purchased a desk as you have read in my first journal of this day. I know have a kitchen table again where my computer was so tightly together and the amount of room there was very congested. The desk I have purchased was a neighbor’s who got rid of his computer and no longer needed a computer desk. I had looked at the desk before purchasing and it was something was very interested in. Now I have my computer on this beautiful, garage sake item, and there is a lot more room for me to work – either on the computer or just sitting and writing out all my bills. The keyboard is sitting on a drawer like shelf and ,y monitor is up a nit higher than what I am used to but I am gettng used t it very fast because of the shelf was taken down and the monitor was placed on the desk where I can work without using the computer, it would be a little bit congested again. My neck will have to get used to it and it is very fast, too! I even have a shelf where the printer is sitting now and so it is no longer maing things tight now. This desk is the perfect size for me and my place and I love it very much!

Oh my goodness, not sleeping early last night and being up until 1 a.m. in the morning, I slept until 9:52 a.m. and missed the fist hour of Murder, She Wrote. I did not even really watch the second hour of Murder, She Wrote because I was makung important phone calls to my doctors and counselor and I still had to get dressed and ready for my day so when my friend Mark gets done with work, we were going to go grocery shopping for me and out to dinner for Friday night fish fry. I am still feeling a bit dazed, half asleep and half awake and I want to just lay down and go back to bed. Emilee has meowed at me several times after I had awakened to remind me of taking my medications because I was two hours past my usual time of taking them and also she was hungry and it was time for me to feed her, LOL Right now Matlock, another one of my favorite past time programs on television is on and I have only listened to it instead of watching it because I have gotten dressed and began my day on line after all the calls I had to make that were very important. Anyway, according to my grandfather clock, the show is ten minu8te away from finishing up. I had decided to write an entry before this one, that included my thoughts at midnight because I had written my thoughts on paper instead of on line because of a storm was going on outdoors and I am NEVER on line during a storm if I can help it. So you now, those who do take the time to read my entries, have a minute by minute play of my life at midnught last night, which does not happen much because I do not usually write my thoughts on paper much anymore. I use my computer most of the time for writing and I have been here at Dear Diary on a regular basis writing my thoughts down for the whole world to read and see whether my life is boring from day to day or not boring. Please excuse my punchy attitude at this time. I am yet a lot tired even though I have slept nine hours and my morning was practically gone now.

12:16 a.m.

Oh my goodness. Here I am, so wound up, not able to sleep. I have picked up a little bit to make my place a little bit more respectable and at the same time not making any noise to wake up any of the neighbors. The walls are so thin here you can actually hear your neighbor snore if she snores! LOL Tonight I must have something just nagging to come out into the world or something close to that. I do have to admit this though, I am not the least bit restless.

As I sit here writing my thought of the moment now being 12:25 a.m. my eyes are beginning to droop some and a yawn has escaped my mouth just now. Here I am awake and I have plans to be with my friend Mark to g grocery shopping and Friday night fish fry. Why is it I am still up?! LOL Something in the dark recesses of my mind is bugging me crazy and I am unable to understand. I hate that when that happens because I may be awake but my brain has shut down for the night. That happens to me often.

It is now 12:32 a.m. and I just heard someone go past my apartment door. i do know that our maintanance man, J. C. does do some work when everyone is snug in their bed, or like me, snug in their appartment. I did hear that sound a second time and went to investigate it and it was J.C. waling down to the other end of the building. I live at one end on the third floor.

Now at 12:39 a.m. my eyes are beginning to become more heavy than they were almost fifteen minutes. Emilee, my sweet kitty cat, has awakened from her lengthly cat nap and now is prowling about quietly checking things out being herself. Nothing unusual about my cat;s life.

I think now, at 12:43 a.m., I am going to shut off all the lights I have on in this place and get some shut eye now. My eyes are tired now. I will write more in the morning when I go about my day – boring or not.

Here is a letter I had written last night after this part of my journal entry.

J.C. –

I want to thank you for letting me purchase your computer desk as well as help me move my computer from the kitchen table to the desk and help me hook it back up. i also want to let you know that your work as a maintanance man does get noticed by me. Nellie’s job also get noticed as well and I do appreciate both of you for what you do. The computer desk looks great here as well as a perfect look in here. Now, I have a kitchen table again. “Smile”. Thanks again, J.C.

Sincerely,

Kristi K #308

🙂

Last entry before shutting off the lights for the rest of the night.

12:59 a.m.

I wrote a short letter to a neighbor so my apartment lights are still on. “SMILE” I am nt asleep yet. “YAWN” My yawns are more frequent now. Thank goodness. Good night everyone.

What a day! It has been a little bit cooler for a change. YEAH! It has actually been very quiet and nice all day long. A breeze actually was amnng us today. Sorry this entry is so very short today but I have done very little except clean house, take a little cat nap, watch television, and laid low all day long. What a boring life really.