Leap Year
This is that year that we have leap year. Cool, right? I have to admit that it is not always cool to have a leap year day in my book. That usually means we vote for a new president or Biden will get another damn four years and I rarely vote because I think the polls are rigged anyway. I am neither republican or democrat—I’m independent because politics in my book is crooked on both sides these days. I am left-handed and I don’t like politics much these days because people don’t care for the disabled anymore anyway. It sucks as far as politics go these days anyway! I am only one person and who in the hell will listen to me these days when I have two caregivers who don’t listen to me already. Yeah, o am talking about Jackie and Julie M. Sometimes they are bitchex who don’t deserve their damn jobs working for me today! I really want to fire Jackie and tell Julie M that our friendship has been toxic for a long time now and that’s because of the friendship between jackie and Julie M is — to me very toxic and strange like lesbian lovers or something more horrible than that! It’s, to me, toxic, and I think gross! They make lesbian relationships more unattractive to me. And for lesbian and gay relationships, I don’t care as long as it does not include me.
Nail Appointment
I had my nail appointment today. Got a cobalt color mixed with blue today. I get my nails done twice a month at a place called The Cat’s Meoww. Yes, with two w’s for this nail place. The gal Jacque did it on purpose that way as she has a license plate that says cats meoww on it and she ran that direction for her business as a gal who does hand and feet nails. She does a great job and is a small business establishment owner compared to Grand Nails and Spa. She is $10 to $20 cheaper, too! She also helps a local fireman who sells localized honey for $8 a bottle! Yummy!
Project For Mom
Okay and oh my, I got my project done for my mom today and sent it her way as well as Julie R, my IRIS consultant. I need to have a meeting with Julie R to take a care of the problems I have been having with my caregiver Jackie lately. Her shit has to quit! I am not happy with Jackie at this time! Things need to be changing or I will let her go—unfortunately! I also need to say audios to my friendship with Julie M, too.
This is what I wrote on Pages because my mom does not use Microsoft Word like I do:
I began to notice things when I got back from St. Elizabeth’s Nursing home. This is almost two years ago now. It is not at all what Jackie and Julie M has done for me being unappreciated when disagreements come about, but Jackie has thrown that in my face more than once when we have had our shouting matches. That is not acceptable behavior for a caregiver to be having shouting matches with their charge!
During the times when Jackie and Julie M were working together, they would say if I fired Julie or jackie, they would both leave and quit together. They would say that together and it was said several times to me making me feel like shit.
Julie R was here and Julie M was there messaging relatives and mumbling under her breath about things. I was getting the vibe from her acting like my Dad and told her to knock it off and stop sounding like my dad. She got pissed and left because I was watching her mumble and grumble over her texts with family members while she should have been not when Julie R, Jackie, and I were having a meeting on how things were going. Her grumbling may have not been about me, but Julie’s family should have dealt with it later and not while at a meeting with Julie R there.
Also Jackie and Julie M would grumble out loud about my things. On day while they were grumbling about the vacuum cleaner my dad bought, Julie M told me I was not a part of the conversation and to shut up when I told them to stop grumbling about my stuff. That is grounds to say time for them to leave! This is my home, not yours and if you don’t like my stuff, get out! No one tells me to shut up in my own home! You get out and stay out!
Both of them would say to one another that I was stressing them out in front of me! They said if one gets let go, they would both quit, and Jackie would laugh about it. That is not a laughing matter and it is grounds for immediate grounds for dismissal of both! This went on and off for three months and Jackie could not wait until she had her vacation making me feel worse and crying a lot at night because if I showed any feelings of hurt with them, I was looked at in such a way like when kids would tease a child. Look at her face, her reaction was priceless. Jackie and Julie acted like bullies in this fashion. Wrong way to treat someone no matter the situation!
Debbie was out for a while because she found out her cancer returned and she was having chemo treatment. Once Debbie returned, Julie’s schedule changed and she has not been working since. I want her as emergency only and on contact when emergencies come up. She is the morning cook for patients at the hospital at Mercy and a great cook!
On Feb 5, 2024, I wanted to talk to Julie M privately about something and the next thing I knew was Jackie had talked to Julie for advice and she was told that I wanted to talk to Julie privately about something. The next thing I know is Jackie had Julie on the phone and they bombarded me with questions and made me feel like I was being ganged upon about not wanting to walk great distances, have therapy, do what they wanted me to do to become more independent. They want the old Kristi back, but that Kristi is not here right now.
I don’t want to worry about distance! I can transfer from bed to recliner, walk to the bathroom and back, go from bedroom to living room to power chair and back from power chair to with my walker when it is locked and the wheels are not moving as the walker feels weird when unlocked. I don’t care if I go 200 feet. I am finding it not feasible anymore. Being pressured to walk about my apartment makes me feel very uncomfortable and it can become painful and I get warm fast. I transfer great, I stand on the scale at dialysis everyday now, but I need some help staying steady. The only people wanting distance is Jackie, Julie M and Debbie as they want the old Kristi back. That Kristi is still here. Stop saying you want her back. Her physical has changed and medically she has changed because Mercy has caused emotional and physical trauma to Kristi that has been taken from her. Severe depression and anxiety has changed her and what she has been observing has been not at all pleasant lately as if my life isn’t mine anymore. I feel I am living the life of my caregiver Jackie and her life is definitely not my life. I am feeling I am living her schedule and not my own. Jackie is not a morning person and she has been taking care of me for 2 years now. Getting here at 10 AM is fine, but I am a morning person. I am awake by 7 AM every morning, can watch my shows, play games, and wait, as I don’t mind waiting, but if she’s not a morning person, this job needs to have a new plan with me I charge, not Jackie.
Jackie’s overbearing ways need to be curbed. Julie M needs to stay out of the cares from now on and be emergency contact only. The friendship between Jackie and Julie is none of my business as my friendship with Julie has changed considerably in the months I feel can’t be rekindled at this time. Seeing how close Jackie and Julie got while they worked together has made me feel frustrated and grossed out. I think their relationship is way too close and I think it’s not good. I think they are too close. I was never that close to Julie M! Sometimes I think both Jackie and Julie M are wolves in sheep’s clothing!
I am not lazy. I am not wanting to walk in the hallway. I don’t want to go for distance! I have pushed to my limits and I’m done being pushed. I do what I can when caregivers are here, but please to push me. I can walk my speed fine one day and maybe not the next day. I have been battling with my thoughts remembering that I could walk a 5k walk I. Germany and across town in Janesville, Wisconsin are fond now. I will never walk a marathon for a long time. Please bear with me. Don’t want the old Kristi back because she is still here.
Yes, I have gone through bought of depression and great anxiety through the past two years. There are things I miss before Covid hit and what made it worse was the hematoma. That was the worst I experienced. I’ve been in two nursing homes and my now former doctor Dr. Jennifer Hussli was not going to let me go home because I could not walk yet. Yeah, I didn’t do any therapy while at my last stint in a nursing home because I was being discouraged and felt threatened, and Magic was being used as a pawn. Dr. Hussli did not contact my mother on several occasions nor did she call me. Dr. Hussli stated I needed 24 hr care where my mother and caregivers did not think so. In fact, I broke free from the nursing home anyway. I got home and have been home ever since 11/14/22. What happened at the nursing home is a whole different story that will be dealt with later. I have complaints that need to be dealt with regarding Mercy Hospital and Clinics
My mom said that I write my feelings well. Yep, I do. I write better than I talk!
