Today, December 14, 2023

Once again, I have been sporadic in writing in my diary here at DD. It has been quiet and less in my writing here at DD. Do I have a lot to say for some reason. Being here at DD for several years now proves that I do not have a lot to write about sometimes, now, this day. It’s late and I have one more treatment for the week, and next week, I have treatment on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, then it’ll be Christmas Eve on Sunday, and have dialysis on Sunday, December 24, 2023, because Monday, December 25th is Christmas Day, and the dialysis center is closed that day. It’ll be nice to be back on my regular schedule after January 2nd, 2024.

Anyway, today was a busy day. I had a counseling appointment at 9 AM and my nails were done up nicely at 2 PM. It was my first counseling appointment with D at Mercy Options. I believe it went ok establishing common ground with D (female). She asked questions to establish an idea of what needs to be worked on on my life, what medication I need for my anxiety. JP embarrassed more than once, and my thought about what she thought I needed to work on was nothing I actually expected. I just wished that she would have been a little quieter at times because she was talking more than I wanted to her to say anything.

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Today All Day

I can’t tell you when my day has started. I am still in bed waiting for Jackie to get here. She arrived by 10:05 AM. This is my first entry/journal of the day. I had my bathroom time on the toilet. By the time she here, I had to go poo.

Poo, Not Afraid to Say So……

When it comes to bowel movements, I am not afraid to say anything about it. It is a natural action we have on a daily to regular basis and I have them on a daily to regular basis these days. Sometimes I get plugged up in that department and it is very nerving and uncomfortable at times. I take a stool softener three times a week to keep my bowels soft when they get a little too hard and uncomfortable. My poo clogs the toilet at times, too! Ugh, that is horrible although I never had a overflowing toilet in the three years I lived at Garden Court this far!

Burbank Plaza Memories

With that said, however, I do remember when the neighbor above me, before her eviction, had her toilet overflow once when her boyfriend was there. It was a stinky mess that put a river in my apartment in my kitchen and bathroom. It left 4 inches of toilet water in my apartment that day! It was disgusting because it stunk. It was an embarrassment and humiliation to me as the neighbors laughed and taunted me about it after the neighbor was evicted because of her boyfriend. The neighbors became nasty when the neighbor got evicted because she was being nasty by taking things and purposefully dropping them between evening hours 6 PM until 2 PM. Other neighbors noticed what was happening and I didn’t have to say anything. The tenants who backed me up did not say anything bad about me, but those people who did say bad things about me were wanting me gone from the place. I did leave and now I am not happy at Garden Court now as well.

The Past Several Months

I will be very honest here. I have noticed a decline in my friendship with Julie M. I rarely text her now-a-days. It’s hard to say I love you or text Julie these days. Trust in Julie has been misplaced a long time ago when Jackie and Julie began working together and Debbie had some time off due to medical and treatment.  The friendship between the two then has put a wedge between me and Julie. Both of them have said hurtful words to me that have not been forgotten in these months passed. Words that still linger from time to time that remind me that they will leave me feel left somewhere stranded without any help whatsoever. I want Julie out of my life at this point. She seems to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing waiting for the right time to make her attack to strike and kill. That is how I feel. Having such feelings about people makes me feel like shit. Please excuse my swearing, but it is truth I am feeling like shit lately.

When my caregivers talked to me o. February 5th, I felt was being ganged upon, so they did not get the answers they wanted or expected. That day, the trust between me, Julie and Jackie has gone down quite a bit. My trust in those two has been damaged. I have been talked down about lately and it sucks to be in their care even though Jackie is the best caregiver out there now. It’s her overbearing ways that need to be knocked down and out of her. I hate being silent now. I want my damn voice back, people! Yes, I am kind of pissed off! Things need to change! How to get things to change is in the works. I will have to write about it and share with my mom. I will be using Pages and not Word for this project. Working on it this week. Protecting it with a password too.

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The Weekend Cometh

Oh, my goodness gracious, I am flabbergasted right now! I have a therapy appointment at 9:30 AM Monday morning and I don’t have dialysis until 11:45 AM right across the street from the rehab center where I have had physical therapy and now occupational therapy. It is just too early!  I am talking to Jackie about this as soon as possible.

Honesty is the Best Policy, Right?

To be very honest, I am wanting OT to be over with anyway! I just don’t want to have too many other people knowing my business.

Calls & Texts Disabled for a Short Time Yesterday

Wow! Yesterday all cellular companies were unable to call or text for a few hours because something made it happen—solar? Facebook was on it where friends and neighbors were talking about it. When people talk about it, assumptions were made, and the government was blamed for the outage. Umm, I just looked into it and this is CNN says about it: CNN. It was more an AT&T issue than other companies like Version and T-Mobile being hit. AT&T was hit the hardest.

I found it a little frustrating and not threatening, but I did wonder how long it would take to fix it from when Jackie mentioned it that people were talking about the outage all over the nation. I did not think it being the government doing it, but people were speculating and talking about it among one another on Facebook. Let them, I guess, and I will stay away from discussing it with anyone around me. Nope, not discussing it. It is being investigated through the company because it was something that was internal more than a cyberattack. At least, I hope it was not a cyber-attack, anyway. That would not be good. I have been with AT&T for a few years.

I Feel I Have A Lot to Say Today, Peeps!

Oh my, I feel I have a lot to say today! My day had started by 7 AM playing games on my phone, watching Live TV on Roku. I have been watching Midsomer Murders on Freevee and Roku Live in my bedroom. 

Dialysis Update

I’m okay with how dialysis has gone for this week. Believing it could have been a little better, but I am comfortable with being at 184 lbs at this time anyway. I am watching my fluid and sodium and potassium intake very closely. Today is the last day of the week for treatment and the weekend is upon me.Woohoo, the weekend is finally here. I was able to run at 400 speed in reverse today without the pump stopping today. I got 2585 out of 3000 fluids out of me before I began to feel weird and cramped. Phooey all, not close enough but acceptable. I am 184 lbs at this time. I will accept that.

Getting up on the scale is getting easier and I am a little faster, too. I still have my reservations with some of the techs helping me, but I am staying at Mercy as far as my kidney dialysis is.

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Thursday, February 22, 2024–The Weekend Will Come Soon! Woohoo!!!

Ahh, Thursday night looms to close to bedtime here this evening. With the time being a few minutes past 9 PM, I thought I would get an entry of thought in for the day.

I did not go anywhere today. I watched a Netflix program called The Tourist, a movie that is a BBC, a British movie. Jackie went to Culver’s to get fish dinners. I had thee pieces of fried fish, some cheese curds, and a roll. I have coleslaw in the fridge. It was delicious and I feel I devoured the meal pretty fast. All three pieces of fish went down the hatch. Delicious!

Looking Forward to the Weekend

With my last treatment of the week at dialysis tomorrow at 11:45 AM to 2:30 PM, I am looking forward to the weekend for the first time I. A long time — a very long time to be honest with you. Debbie has the weekend off, again.

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Hmm?

An Earlier Post

Ok, just out of curiosity, I read a post written in 2021 since it popped up on my search engine on my edge browser while loading my DD site to write another post. The part about my friend Janessa Olson was in this post. Janessa and I are not friends anymore. Our schedules are no longer compatible. I had to since 2021 ended the friendship because of her continuous lying and going out with a blind gentleman who uses marijuana on a daily basis and Janessa was given some. No man or woman should be doing re recreational drugs on top of prescription medication because of the interactions of mixed drugs can be damaging or even deadly if not careful. Even overdose can be fatal for goodness sakes! I can’t have drama in my life because it causes me stress and other health issues along the way. I lose sleep when I get stressed because my brain is always running amuck o er what stresses me out, people! Not being friends with Janessa right now has been good. I don’t miss her. I don’t like liars and people who use people for their benefit, or do I like to be ignored when I give my opinion to someone.

With Janessa’s constant lying and dramatic antics, I don’t bother talking to her too much. She’s gone out with a gentleman who does recreational marijuana and gave her some on top of her prescription medication. That is a no no. Why Janessa said anything when I could call the police on her boyfriend because marijuana is not a drug that is used for medical purposes in Wisconsin yet. She said she got sick from it. How nasty is this man is is beyond me. Janessa is an idiot sticking with this idiot. I will be friendly to Janessa in public, but I will not be friends with her anymore! I will say hello and have a good day, but I never know what her mood is going to be at times. Because of that, I keep Janessa at a distance.

Disappointed in My Friends

I have two other friends I guess are a little distant as well. Jennie lives with her boyfriend most of the time but does have an apartment in Garden Court with a friend on get lease. I rarely see her and her doggie Luke. My friend Kelly is rarely seen as well. She has her friends and I have mine. I moved to Garden Court because when I stayed with Kelly and her husband, I felt right at home. Living at Garden Court, until 2022 when I caught covid, I was happy living at Garden Court. I was finally home! Not anymore and have plans to move again to find my happy place. Now, with Jimmy gone, I rarely see Kelly and she has yet not visited my apartment for the 3 ½ years I have lived at Garden Court. I am very disappointed in Kelly.

Garden Court

The first year of living at Garden Court was a happy year. I felt at home as I was home. Well………… I am not happy at Garden Court anymore even though I have my good days. Those days are a few days here and there, though. I am dealing with depression and anxiety, and a lot more anxiety these days because my caregiver and I butt heads a lot because we are so much alike. Odd? No, buts its true unfortunately. 🥲 Things need to change, too.

Garden Court has its problems and management issues. Maintenance has not fixed things in a long time. There’s mold in the walls, and they do not do background checks anymore. Apparently, a young man was held hostage in his apartment with his rapist for four days. The police could not do anything because the boy was disabled and changed his story too many times. This gentleman who raped him lives in Garden Court and a known sex offender has to be on the registry and other neighbors have the the right to know there is a sex offender in the neighborhood. He should’ve been rejected living in Garden Court to be very honest. Garden Court is falling apart.  I think and believe the building needs to be condemned! Please excuse me talking ill about an apartment building I live in, but what I am saying is my observation of Garden Court. I am not happy at Garden Court anymore. 🥹🥹

IRIS

Things need to change in the near future. I want a meeting with Julie R with everyone and my mother at the meeting on FaceTime. Jackie is overbearing and the day that I wanted to talk to Julie M privately f did not happen and Julie told Jackie I wanted to talk to her in private. That day. Julie, Jackie, and Debbie had a meeting with me and what 

they did was gang up on me and did not get any answers. I was ganged up on and when people hang up on me, you do not get any answers from me because I will shut down. Jackie’s overbearing was needs to end!

Another Friendship Check

My friendship with Julie M has cooled down quite a bit. I rarely text her good night and love you anymore. Yes, I still love her, but it has been hard to do so when I feel trust has been misplaced after a couple of weekends ago I felt I was being ganged upon by my three caregivers. No answers could be found. With this gang up, it has drawn down the friendship to forget it and let it go. I need to let Julie M go. She should not be my friend anymore. 

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The Weekend

Jackie was here between 9:30 AM through to 11:30 AM this morning. She wants me to have cares and time for myself on the weekends.for the afternoon and evenings without caregivers around for four to five hours a day. In other words, be caregiver-free for hours.

I have been watching Midsomer Murders all day—my weekend genre is mystery. I’m almost done with the first thirteen seasons with John Nettles. This weekend I am watching Midsomer Murders on the Roku Live channel 522 just for something different other than on Freevee and Tubi. I do change it up from time to time. I’d rather watch British programs over American US programs these days. I wonder if I would be happier in England? Hmm? Interesting thought! Maybe? What a silly thought?

Good Night

Time to shut up shop and close for the night. The door is locked, the closed sign is in the windows and the do not disturb is on the door handle, and I am here saying good night, folks.

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Days Like This

Please forgive me for not writing every day these days, peeps! I have been busy or feeling a little blah or emotional. Winter is one season I am not very fond of anymore now that my childhood has been gone for a few years now. Those happy days are only memories now. Nope, I don’t like winter much anymore. Yeah, I still love the snow falling on the ground at times as it is beautifully at times. Just those toboggan and sledding days are no more. I wish, though. Those were fun times!

Now, I dread the winter months! The ice and slush make it difficult to get around either on foot with my walker or power chair. The idea of slipping frightens me. I would rather hibernate in the winter months than go out, but I have dialysis three times a week for now and have done dialysis for 5 ½ years now. Winter is not as fun anymore. Oh well, right? Right!

Writing in my diary on a regular basis isn’t hard, but there are days I just cannot write anything . It is not because I do not have the anything to write about or say, I just cannot find the words.  I have days like that at times.

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Valentine’s Day? Not Too Bad

Dialysis Update

Today the technician who hooked me up to the machine did not see that she no fluid being pulled out for over an hour and a half. I was not sure if it was an oversight or plain brainless moment the technician had. I know, the gentleman tech broke down beating himself up not noticing it right away. At least my blood was getting cleaned in two hours and forty-five minutes for now as Dr. Anjum said on Monday. Hemodialysis is working for me. Now, Kay G, the social worker at the dialysis center is going to refer me to Freighter Hospital for bring put on the list for a kidney transplant.

Valentine’s Day

I had to wish my sweetheart a Happy Valentine’s Day since today was Valentine’s Day all day.  We texted our love to one another and let it go at that since I was at dialysis at the time we texted. Techs and nurses were festive for the holiday that the nurse Chrissy brought Dum Dum suckers for the patients and she gave me a Kinder Bueno chocolate candy. It was delicious and sweet. I liked it, anyway.

The Rest of the Day

Jackie had an appointment to be somewhere today so Deb met me at the apartment building. With my two appointments being occupational therapy and dialysis, I had to drive myself with the power chair on only 4 to 3 pegs left of battery power because MTM did not check the status of my rides as good while creating a ride system, I had to drive myself in the wind and cold to my appointments that my body was cold all day and night. Yo get it, it is winter in Wisconsin aiming for an early spring I have heard.

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Dialysis Update

Dialysis Update

Dialysis did go smoothly, however, the machine above 2500 kilos of fluid was taken before the tech and the nurse had to stop the machine to only cleaning the blood. I did not have any fluid to worry about. When taking the Seroquel, I gained some weight within a month, been weaned off the drug then put on Prozac for depression and anxiety. I am about 84 kilos or more at this time. It is getting very frustrating for me! I am very disappointed in my weight gain. I worked hard in 1 ½ years to get the weight off and my weight gain took one month to gain it all back Zfrqnbecause of Seroquel. Also, learning something from my mom has taken me back to how in the world am I going to explain this! My world is messed up.

Today, my BP went below 100/50 today, and I had to take a Midodrine for the higher my BP. While talking to Dr. Anjum today and I got a little dizzy and cramped, and all of a sudden, nauseous for a few minutes. I was given a zolfran tablet for the nausea. Ugh, that was a trip I did not want to take—for sure! I haven’t had nausea for 6 years since I started doing hemodialysis on April 24, 2019!

My weight has changed enough that it is now 82 kilos at this as my goal weight on dialysis chart with Dr. Anjum. I am not leaving Mercy Healthcare at this time — even the idea does not please me.

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February 11, 2024–My Thoughts of the Day

Locker #666 & Hatred

Locker #666

Ok, yesterday was Sabbath and during the day I remembered having a locker #666. I got teased about it because those who do not understand the Bible said it was the number kc Satan and I had Satan’s locker. I was teased that I was Satan’s child. Geez, what a memory right? Well, I did get teased that I had Satan’s locker that year all year round. It was embarrassing and downright mean of kids in those days. I never got teased in school until 5thgrade from my peers and school colleagues. Even my neighbors who I been friendly to for 4 years in school got unfriendly with me during 5th grade because of the kids they hung around with. It was a harder time for me through 5th through 12th grade as we grew up. I learned hatred is a bad thing.

When it comes to 666, yes, if is the mark of the beast we know as Satan, but again 666 has may notations of it in the mathematics department and 666 does have a meaning behind it. I am going to some research on the #666 during this week! That is my project for this week.

Hatred

It has come to be known that hatred has come into play from so long ago to the present. There is so much hatred in this world. What does hatred mean? It means: Ill will or resentment that is usually mutual: prejudiced hostility and animosity. A good example is prejudice against a group of people versus another group.

I have a good example of prejudice in my own life. A young man I got to know in my adult years named Joe. He is an autistic man who lives in society. His autism is in the high end of the spectrum where he is very smart and able to manage a living in the community as all humans can. He thought that Seventh-day Adventism is a cult. Look up Seventh-day Adventism and you will see it is not a cult, but a religion that has church on the seventh day of the week which is Saturday.

Apartment Living

I do not like it any more than the next person to be very honest with you and myself. I actually hate it more than ever here at Garden Court on N Main St. The management seem to not care for the place anymore. Nothing really gets fixed here. If things get fixed around here, it has to be really bad. A tenant was told that she was responsible for pipes bursting in her apartment and got a substantial amount of money with a lawsuit because it was not her fault. She moved from here a few years ago. I met her at a bingo night game when she visited a neighbor friend of hers. So, Garden Court is not any better when it first I was very happy here — until Covid hit me, and then my happiness fell down to looking for new places to live.

I wish I had my own home. As my maternal grandparents’ home comes to mind, I wish it was my home. I loved that home growing up. Yeah, the 1970’s may have been a certain time period, but it cannot be denied when I was born in 1970. Yes, fifty-four years this year as July 3rd. I’m 53 ½ years old now—today. 

My Day

Jackie came at 10 AM. Made me breakfast and lunch, got my daily snacks and water, and ice. I ran to the bathroom and then back to bedroom to watch tv—Midsomer Mysteries all day! 

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iOS Versus Windows

Ok, in December I broke down and got a Chromebook Pro from Best Buy, so now I am not only an Apple user, but a Chromebook Pro user now. I have a ROKU system on my old Phillips TV while my new Amazon Fire TV in my bedroom that uses Alexa and not Siri. So in a way, I am back to Windows in a way. No, I am not going. A k to Windows. I am an Apple user: iPhone, iPad, and Apple Watch ‘Hello, Siri, what time is it?’ I use a man’s voice for my Siri and a woman on Alexa.

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