Ksmiley's Diary & Blog

Today is dialysis day. I woke up at 4 AM to plug in my phone  that was at at 88%. I always want my phone at 100% when I am at dialysis. When I am home, it is no big deal for a day, night, when I am home for the day. At this time, dialysis is going smoothly, my BP is normal again, and I am not reclining right now. Yep, I am sitting up without reclining. Unfortunately, my aches and pains are acting up a little bit this morning, but that is arthritic pain mostly. I hurt a little today, but I have taken some Tylenol—thanks to the dialysis nurse.

I do not understand JP sometimes. Today she barely said a word to S while at my house. It is an uncalled for attitude. I do not like it when Jackie has an attitude because it is not good for business. I do not care if she did not sleep well because she had to take a pain pill. She should go to bed early. I understand she, too, has anxiety, but her attitude acting like she does not want to be with me or working hurts my feelings. She talks about vacations in front of me and because I am not mobile at this time, it hurts my feelings. I do not like when JP and JM talk about going places together. It hurts. I can not wait until I am walking again, and that will be in 3 weeks or so. 

 Today is my mom’s 79th birthday. I called her to wish her a good day. I asked her yesterday if she was doing anything special for her birthday, she said she was planning on going to Mexico to have lunch and go to the dentist. The fun part is having a birthday lunch is fun, but going to the dentist is not fun. I get it.

Yesterday, dialysis went smoothly and my blood pressure was better until the end when one of the techs decided to prank another tech with a syringe of saline solution. I used my power chair yesterday because I had a mammogram at 1 PM and after my mammogram, I had an ultrasound. The reason for the ultrasound was because when I made an appointment for the test, I did say that there was a lump found. I got the preliminary results back from both tests back as no suspicious spots from the radiologist that looked at the results from the mammogram and ultrasound. After my tests, JM, JP, and I went downstairs to the hospital cafeteria for lunch having chicken and fries. My appointments went well. I only have cysts in my breasts. The right one has a new cyst, though. That is why I had a mammogram done yesterday.

Today I finished watching The Grimm on Peacock TV. Then I decided to watch Megan again. The only part I did not watch is Megan killing the next door neighbours dog or the part the neighbour found the dog. Before I go on I should explain that Megan is a doll that is 4 feet and 9 inches tall and was a prototype toy for her niece. The aunt came into Cady’s life because her parents were killed in a car accident because they were hit by a truck. Cady (pronounced Katie) survived. Also the aunt works making toys. After the movie, I decided to watch Law & Order; Special Victims Unit (SVU). I see it goes up to 24 years. Olivia Benson, Elliot Stabler, and many others on that show, I am watching the first season now. Will be watching Murder, She Wrote at 10 PM.

I am going to say good night.

I can say, without saying why I am not impressed with My Choice Wisconsin. JP noticed that T messed around in my closet again by rearranging towels and other items. That is uncalled for. My closet was arranged the way JP wanted it,  and T arranged my bathroom closet twice—today was the second time. I am not happy. I have a meeting with new people tomorrow at 2:30 PM after I get home from dialysis. The company is Summit Home Care.  I want to get rid of the girls who work for MR and owns My Choice Wisconsin. T has stayed only one hour, but before she came into the picture, SP was my caregiver. She ended up leaving me and T was trained. T is supposed to stay 3 hours on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and S is supposed to stay from 7:30 AM to 9 AM on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I have laundry done Mondays and Fridays. T does stay to get it done, but leaves in 1 hour and 45 minutes. JP believes that MR has told her girls to screw up and upset her. I incline to disagree. I do believe that MR is doing something to get me mad. Also, I think MR is going to get in trouble in the future. She has an attitude that seems questionable. Is she dealing with fraud? If she is, she will be caught one day sooner than later. I will be getting information to make a claim against My Choice Wisconsin once they are out. People do not want to get me upset and anxious and My Choice Wisconsin.

I am looking forward to my meeting with Summit Home Care Services at 2:30 PM tomorrow afternoon. JP had enough with My Choice Wisconsin being lazy, idiots, and Morons, lol. I am sick and tired of their crap as well to be very honest with everyone and God.

Hello and welcome to my Dear Diary after a bit of time away again. I am fine, but I am a little tired today. I have been sleeping okay but dealing with some stress because of My Choice Wisconsin. The company has workers who come and take care want to come and leave within the hour. It is very frustrating, and I wish them not to be in a damn hurry. The workers are pissing me off. They act like idiots and morons, seriously and it is not a laughing matter these days. DH is out due to having chemo for her aggressive cancer treatment surgery in February. She is greatly missed.

Treatment for dialysis went okay last week. My blood pressure proved to be high. I will be talking to Dr. S tomorrow at the clinic when she makes her rounds in the morning. I no longer have Dr. A. I am okay with it, but I want to admit, and say that I am still a little shocked with the change, but the time frame has changed for Dr. A.

Yesterday it snowed in Janesville, Wisconsin. The snowflakes were very big and beautiful, too. Please do not get me wrong, I live in a state that has very cold winters every winter season, and I love it when it falls, but getting out in it is hard. The trees and ground look beautiful when the snow falls. Remembering my childhood in the winter months were pretty cool, but when I became an adult, winter became harder to like. Today, I still like winter, but it is liked a little less. Winters in Wisconsin has been a little strange lately. We did not have a white Christmas the past two year. It was just cold and raining. Oh well, lol, I am satisfied.

The other day I thought about going back to school. I do not know what I was thinking about school. I do miss the learning and the review of math, English, social studies, and psychology and sociology. That is a plus in my life. I can order stuff for kindle or paperback books for my books of interests. Hmmm? I will do that. Amazon? Okay.

Life has been good to me. My health is not perfect but stable these days. My blood pressure has been questionable. If it is high, I will be talking to Dr. S. There is no way my BP is going to stay high if it is still high. No way.

Tomorrow, I get to use my power chair for my appointment. Yahoo! i am excited–my first time using my chair for the day, too. Another yahoo in my vocabulary this evening, lol. 

Oh, Where, oh, Where Did My Happiness Go? 

The past few days, I have been in tears again because I am frustrated and overwhelmed. I have two appointments tomorrow at UW Hospital & Clinics in Middleton. It will be a long day, although I look forward to seeing the two doctors I met in February. I need to take it one day at a time, or anxiety will come and drive a wedge anywhere. It is causing me to break down in tears lately and bothers me. 

Remembering

I got hooked up at 9:45 AM on the dialysis machine. The machine is cleaning and taking 2.4 kilos of fluid and toxins out of my body. I do not think that is horrible because I do watch my fluid intake as well as my salt. I watch what I eat. I love food, too, lol. Life on dialysis is not horrible, either. I understand that everyone I have met in the past 4 ½ years have different reasons why they have to be doing dialysis like me, everyone has walked the same path as me although their reason for kidney disease is different from my situation. Also, I had done peritoneal dialysis for three months from November 1987 through to March 1988 which was when I had my transplant. Dialysis this time around, thirty-one years after the transplant, my kidney had stopped functioning properly. My kidney does produce urine, but not enough to live with dialysis. I chose hemodialysis for my second time. Peritoneal dialysis in 1987 through to March 1988 had been a bumpy ride as I got sick three times with peritonitis two times and cellulitis once. No way would I go through that again.

I found a doctor, Dr. A, at Mercy West, in 2016 when I learned that my kidney was slowing down after sixteen years. We monitored my GFR and other lab counts together for these years and began dialysis in April 2019. What came along with my experience in the hospital was something I will not forget for a long time. I look back at some of my stay and laugh or chuckle about the experience. There are parts of the experience that we’re very scary and seemed real. That is a chapter of my life that yet needs to be shared. Who is interested in it?

As I Sit Here

With time under two hours for dialysis to do what is necessary for treatment, the dialysis machines in one large room continue to do what is necessary to have treatment. Dialysis is going smoothly for me, but my BP is running a little high today. Uugghh. I tho k I need to sit and be still for a while. I will write more later.

Hello and welcome to my Friday evening. I am doing my best at relaxing before going to bed for the night. I am already laying down, but will be putting things aside to get some rest because tomorrow is dialysis day. My weekend has begun with Sabbath in tow until tomorrow night. I need not talk about how my day went because that is not really important. I had my cares throughout the day, had to change my disposable underwear twice, had breakfast and lunch, snacks at my side through the evening and night. I am not in the snacking mood tonight. That is okay, though. I have been dealing with some ups and downs these days.

I do have to admit that I found out that my boyfriend changed his phone number with Verizon. Why he did it confuses me, but I love my boyfriend very much, and his reason for getting a different number is his choice. I had, accidentally blocked his new number because it was an unknown number. With unknown numbers, I do not answer and immediately block. I have friends and family in my contact list. I had changed my phone number a couple of times for reasons at the time were fitting. I saw a call from Mercy North, my former doctor’s office. Apparently, they called in December. I never called them back and I have a different doctor anyway at Mercy South.

All day, until 5 PM, I watched CSI: Miami, an episode of S.W.A.T. I switched to CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. After my cares this morning and afternoon were done for the day, I have to admit it has not been a bad day. I learned how to reset my ROKU device using the remote. It is a lot of steps, but easy. You press the home button five times, the up arrow once, the rewind button two times, and then the fast forward button twice, and your ROKU will reset, and the sound will come back. Whoever thought of this was clever. I have had sound/audio go out three times now, but did not worry.

Well, it is time for me to say good night and God bless. My phone and watch are charging, and my iPad will be charging in a little bit.

I remember being upset yesterday. The worker T from My ChoIce Wisconsin did not bring a mask to wear while at my place. She did this twice this week. It was annoying. She also stayed for only one hour and a half. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, the girls should be staying for two to three hours. On dialysis days, they can leave after my ride to dialysis comes and goes. Today, S got me between the doors and the outdoor door was opened and it began to shut so she touched the door to reopen it, and the driver came and got me because she left when the driver came toward me. Oh my goodness my , what laziness. This company is, excuse my words, pissing me off big time. Please forgive me, Jesus.

When it comes to my being upset yesterday, I expressed my feelings to JP the best I could. She did not say anything to me about it, and she knew that I needed an alprazolam for my nerves because I was anxious all day. I ranted when JM was in the kitchen. I did not see JP right away. I think she understands that I was having a bad day, gave me alprazolam, and commented on the idea that T stayed for only one hour and thirty minutes. I texted JM and JR that information at 8:30 AM when T left. JM and JP must have communicated during the day. My anxiety was bad yesterday.

Dialysis

I am at dialysis and have an hour left to dialyze. Yay! No fluid today and my blood is being cleaned. Woohoo. 

My Thoughts Are Going Rampant 

The questions that are running rampant is “Is Jackie lying to me about something or is twisting things round and round?” or is she just trying to take advantage of me somehow? That is where my brain is going. I think no way, it cannot be true. No way. She mentioned the move again today making me mad at her. I do not want to move again. GC is my recent home and I do not want to move again. My friends are here. For five-month last year, I was in and out of the hospital and in two nursing homes that took me away from Magic Kitty and my home. I had gotten real sick/ill due to Covid, blood infection, and while at the hospital, I got potassium poisoning from eating breakfast potatoes at the hospital and had to be dialyzed for twelve hours. Apparently the hospital’s potatoes have more potassium than my body could handle. 

With yesterday’s rant and anxiety, I am tired today. It is not because I did not sleep. I slept from 10 PM to 3 AM before waking up to see what time it was. Last night my Roku lost sound and I was searching to see if I could reset the box before in settings, and during my search I decided to load Hulu. It got stuck on the Hulu and the box reset itself. Woohoo. When the Roku reset itself, sound came back. I did not get upset this time. I texted JP and told her about the incident before it reset, and said it can wait until morning since I have an iPad. After the reset, I was able to get to watching CSI: Miami. I watched Speedle die because he got shot by the automatic weapon that continues to fire. I cried. I cried a lot yesterday because I was releasing stress that accumulated from anxiety. I have my shows I change from time to time. No, I have not watched Grimm lately.