Dialysis & Winter

With the winter season here in Wisconsin, I have to say that I have been impressed with the temperatures. Today it feels like winter for the first time this season. I did not miss dialysis today. I am at the clinic right now.

Dialysis is going smoothly since I have had my catheter replaced in October during my second hospitalization with a hematoma, blood infection from my catheter, and it was replaced six times by the time in October.

I have been home since a week before Thanksgiving and things haven’t changed much yet. I have a new doctor, I have seen my new CP specialist, I am getting a power chair, a new brace is coming up in the near future, and my arthritis seems to haunt me once in a while. Today it’s in my left arm. Ankles, and wrists, elbows, and shoulders. My knees have an ache from time to time.

with two hours and nine minutes left to dialyze, I am having a good treatment. The catheter is doing a great job today.

The Other Day

Last week has turned into trust issues. Being called something I am not without an explanation to resolve the problem was indeed a major problem with me. The trust with a couple of people in the company I am using because my caregiver DH is out recovering from surgery. I had deleted my latest post for personal reasons. I was locked out of my diary at DD for a few hours because of a word. I was called the R word by a black woman who didn’t understand at the time I was making small talk. The R word hurt my feelings and upon my apology to the girls, I haven’t received any apology back. As soon as I can, I am going to dump this company and move on. So anyone doesn’t know, the R word was not ‘retard’ — that word hurts me, too.

Life Has Been Hard Lately

I have been in the hospItal in July due to covid, then got home. Two weeks later, due to a fall, i learned that i had a hematoma near the hip that cannot be proven from the nursing home i wad in. Evansville manor. I will not go back there. Now Im at St. Elizabeth In Janesville, Wisconsin with a plan in place to go home by the 8th of November. i miss my cat Magic. i have done a lot of crying because I have been dealing with anxiety and depression. Nursing homes are okay, but when they do understand me, there’s going to be problems.

Taking it Easy Today

Hello and good afternoon. Sleeping in a bed was okay, and I did sleep in my bedroom all night. Because cats are nocturnal, my Magic kitty was up all night playing because when DH cleaned my toilet, Magic had put a toy in the toilet bowl sometime during the night while I was sleeping. Silly cat! I woke up with my back aching, and my arms were sore. Waking up at 5:30 AM and having a challenge getting off the bed, I got where I wanted to be—the living room. I dealt with aches and pains in my back from 5:30 AM to 10:30 AM, taking acetaminophen 650mg at 10 AM when DH got here to work for me for a little while. I did not want to have a bath today because of the pain I was dealing with for a time. I wanted to sit and be lazy all day. This is my only entry of the day. 

With DH leaving around 12:30 PM through 1:00 PM, I am taking advantage of the lazy day. I have DH for backup with JP staying home since she is ill. No big deal. JP does not want me sick, too, just in case it happens to be Covid. I am feeling dry in some areas of my body and having a dry cough and allergies being a pain; I am keeping to myself and praying for JP to feel better soon and in God’s will. She is unsure if she has Covid, and her doctor did not order a test to see because she stays home and rests each day. She is missed, but when someone is sick, I have to be extremely careful not to get sick, too. 

I still have to get my nails for July, but I think it will not happen. It is okay, but I hope my nails do not break in the meantime; waiting for August after August 3, 2022, when I get my Social Security and SSI deposits. My nails are growing and showing signs of good wear, and they are getting long—too long, but managing with them. I find it difficult to open a soda can right now 😃. 

I am going to rest now, watch TV, and read a little throughout the day. I will be back tomorrow or later in the weekend—time to relax and get comfortable. 

July 14, 2022- Dialysis Update

Dialysis went great today. It was perfect. I sat and relaxed while sitting there reading and observing my surroundings. I was quiet again today, keeping to myself, but I did say hello to my dialysis patient neighbor. I did not strike up a conversation with other patients today, either. Since dialysis was going very well, I wanted to remain calm and quiet. I cannot wait for the new clinic because, from what I heard, there will be no more pods. I must take it one day at a time, and the new clinic will come whether I see it or not, but that is one of my goals—God willing. 

There was no problem with the catheter from the start to the end of treatment. My blood pressure registered low sometimes, but the cuff needed to be adjusted or changed from the arm to the leg. While dialyzing, I read and relaxed for the entire three hours. It pays to be calm. Dialysis goes smoothly. 

I got into my chair, hooked up at 8:30 AM, and got out of the clinic by 11:30 AM. I called Lavigne Bus Company thirty minutes before I was finished dialyzing and learned that my ride with them would not come until 12:45 PM. I would not have minded if I could not have gotten a ride at 11:30 AM, but DH came and took me home and did some work for me. 

A Few Words This Morning

Diaries

Hello and good morning. I found sleep between 8 PM and 10 PM last night. I remember waking up a few times wondering what time it was—asking Siri—and time seemed to go by quickly. It was not a stormy night, but tonight I am planning on sleeping in my bedroom for the first time in months. With my dialysis appointment this morning, DH came over to help with my bath and get me dressed for the day because JP is not feeling well, and she does not want to contact me sick. By her text this morning, it does not sound like covid, but it sounds like an upper respiratory infection or a terrible cold. I am glad I have DH for backup or when she is needed, like when JP was on vacation. 

Written In Blood: A True Story of Murder and a Deadly 16-Year-Old Secret that Tore a Family Apart 

After finishing my last book, I have decided to read Written in Blood: A True Story of Murder and a Deadly 16-Year-Old Secret that Tore a Family Apart. I am finding it very difficult to put this book down. I have read several chapters so far. A man named Michael Peterson is what the story is about. His wife, Kathleen, according to Mike, fell down the stairs in their home and is unconscious. When authorities and medical services arrived, the scene said something different—possible murder, not an accident. 

The way the author wrote this book tells the story of all the people involved. The victim and there are two victims as far as I have gotten as well as the possibility that Michael Peterson is the suspect. Authorities believe he is the murderer of his wife, Kathleen Peterson. I will continue reading today while I have time at dialysis and when I get home. Because I have read at least 21 chapters, I will be reading about Kathleen Peterson next. I love how the author has put the story together. 

Magic Kitty 

He has been terrific the past three weeks. He can still be wild, but he seems to be calmer. I am still in the crosshairs of his jumping to get to his cat tree, but that is okay. Sometimes I see a flash of black, and sometimes I do not see him until he is dancing around one of the five poles on the tree. He does not always jump in front of me. He is swift and can jump far because he is a young two-year-old cat. He is not a kitten anymore. I love him very much. 

More Later 

I have to leave for dialysis shortly, so I will return later if I can. 

Afternoon and Evening Thought

Another day is ending. I was not planning on journaling tonight, but I have some energy to stay up for a bit longer. Today has been a good day. Dialysis went well today—more details in Dialysis Updates. I got home early because I got done early. I visited with my friend DC for a few minutes in the lobby before going to my apartment on the third floor—apartment 314. I could see her mom as she was leaving for the day. Mrs. C is a wonderful person who visits DC every day, and DC stays at her mom’s every weekend. After visiting DC, while heading to the elevator, another friend SR said hello to me, and we chatted for a few more minutes, and she helped me get to the third floor safely. I had been home shortly after 1 PM when I stopped talking with DC and went upstairs. Since eating dinner, I have been relaxing and watching Monk and the back-to-back movies from 2 PM through 10 PM. Tonight the back-to-back movie is Murder 101. 

I wanted to take the time to write because something has been on my mind since yesterday afternoon. I did not write about it at once because I could not find the right words. Today, the words have been found, and I will write about them before going to sleep for the night so I can sleep better. What I will be sharing is a form of a vent—a vent indeed. 

JO 

I love JO. It is all on her if she does not want to text or call. I posted after my friend JS and mentioned names, but not JO’s. It was not that she was not a part of the post; the post was about me and not her. I may not have mentioned her name, but I mentioned three friends and said ‘and more’ that does include friends that have not been mentioned openly. I saw JO’s comment and found it interesting when she said, ‘where’s me?’ I decided to remove JO’s comment because I was not going to start an argument with her. Since the post, I have not heard from JO at all. She has taken my post personally, and my friend JS did not mention her in the same post; I got the post from her page. I do not want to sound mean, but not hearing from her has been a relief from stress. I have talked to DC, JS, and my caregiver JP about it and let it go. JS keeps JO at a distance. I am going to do the same for now as well. I have friends and neighbors who will help when necessary. 

Good Night 

Up late, now, tired, I have to say time to close shop for the night. Good night. 

Morning Thoughts

I was so tired yesterday that I did have a couple of naps during the day after JP left after noon. JP surprised me because she said she was coming over today. She came back with candy and cookies, and cream fudge for me. I do have to admit that she had me a little confused for a few minutes. I am glad she is back, and I get back on track with my routine and schedule. Having DH here was fantastic, but with her busy schedule, we had a different routine scheduled for the last two weeks. I managed to get things done, as each caregiver I have had throughout the past seven years has different ways of doing things. Change, and I have conflicts sometimes unless I have time to prepare for the change or changes ahead of time. I find change very hard at times, depending on what is changing in my life in the short or long term. I have had trouble with change since I was a teenager. 

With that said, I have to say the DH is a keeper as a caregiver. Although it differed from JP’s, I found the routine not inadequate. I want her to work for me again when JP is not here when I need a hand. I want to admit that with JP returning, I was getting a little anxious as her vacation ended and she was heading home. Getting back into the routine has been thought of since my caregiver JP left and changed my routine for two weeks. 

I am glad that my routine is getting back to normal. My place is shaping up slowly after being here since October 1, 2021. My kitchen table is lovely after JP took care of its clutter. My birthday gifts have been put in places throughout the living room. Garden Court has in-house inspections this week, and I am unsure if management will choose my apartment because the people I call “the big wigs” will be inspecting apartments. Management does not know. Since I moved in October 2021, this will be my first inspection since I moved here. I hope my apartment passes inspection. I am a bundle of nerves. 

With my schedule back on track this week, I am dealing with emotions settling down slowly but surely. I must remember to take deep breaths, sit back, and allow God to help me. I cannot do this on my own—without God’s help. 

Dear Jesus, 

Please help my emotions settle down as I get back into a routine. I know I need you. Amen 

Time to Go for Now 

I have to go to dialysis this morning, and it is almost time for me to return later today if I am not tired from treatment. 

Dialysis Update for July 12, 2022

Dialysis went well today. It went perfectly—no problems with the catheter. I have decided to have my arm blood pressure done instead of the leg, which stayed above 110/80. It was a lovely day to relax and get through treatment with no alarms. I was hooked up to the machine in minutes, and I have not had a perfect day like today in a long time. 

Dr. A dropped by during his clinic rounds, and we discussed my phosphorous level is high. He wants to recheck my phosphorous in two weeks to see if it has gone down. When Phosphorous levels are high, the patient deals with itching. 

What a wonderful day it was.