Looking Forward to Something

Now, a having ten minutes before 4 PM, I have had a bath, got dressed for the day and dialysis tomorrow, and my hair washed for the week. I only have my hair washed once a week. As I had my hair washed, the front of my dress around my chest got really wet, but I never changed. Yep, I left the dress on, and it is completely dry now, two and a half hours ago. As far as DH goes, she is a good caregiver as well as JP. I like DH’s attitude. 

 With her here from 10 am to 2:30 PM, she and I got a lot done. She cleaned the kitchen and bathroom floors with a broom and dust, and mop, cleaned the toilet from its hard water stains, the bathroom sink. She also did the dushes, wiped down the living room and bedroom windows from Magic’s nose smudges, and did a load of laundry and put items away in the bathroom closet. Around 1:30 PM we had lunch from Whiskey Ranch Bar and Grill that is a block away from here. She had three cheese BLT and I had meatloaf. The food was delicious. DH left around 2:45 PM after JM got here. I will be seeing her again tonight for a little while. We are going to see a Christian program nearby. It will be fun. Something to do and hopefully enjoy. It is a program with music and skits and DH’s son has a cousin who is going to be a part of the program. DH and TH will be here pick me up later. I’m excited. 

Please Do Not Judge Me

I Have Been Thinking

One thing I had a little difficulty doing was having a good night’s sleep. I have been watching Forensic Files from Saturday evening through Sunday and this morning. I did get enough rest to the point that I had awakened at 2:30 AM, then fell back to sleep until 5:30 AM, and closed my eyes for another hour. Okay, at 6:24 AM, I decided to get up and begin working on a project that will be used for July 2022. One of those dreams made me think of a dear friend who passed away a year ago. Why? My friend who passed away left a wife behind, and she was a significant part of my dream. I will tell you about my goal today. I do not forget dreams easily when I am between wakefulness and sleep. It was not disturbing—exactly.

When I finally got some sleep, waking up occasionally, I have to admit that I have been thinking about politics lately. With my understanding of politics these days, I want to acknowledge that I have overheard conversations about other people’s thoughts and feelings about politics. I have heard that the Roe and Wade document had been overturned. When my mom called Sunday afternoon, I asked about the Roe and Wade document, and she told me that it was overturned, and the states decided on what to do. I was relieved to hear that, plus mom gave me more understanding of what it was all about—more details if she could elaborate. I knew something about the document and what it is for, and her state, NM, can take abortion up to the third trimester of the baby’s life. My mom and I find this crazy, and we do not like it.

We also disagree with abortion unless it comes to the fact that the mother and, or baby is in danger, and, rape can be a good reason. I have mixed feelings about that. A rape victim who gets pregnant is the decision-maker if they want to carry the baby to term or not, and if they do not want to keep it, they can give the baby up for adoption if they decide. Some women do not be reminded that their son or daughter is a product of rape. I get it, but it is still killing a baby. How do you stand? I am okay with the decision of the pregnant person, and to be brutally honest, I enjoy babies but do not have any of my own. I have chosen not to have children because I had a kidney transplant thirty-four years ago and did not want to carry a baby to term due to harm to the child or the transplanted kidney. Please do not judge me for saying what I just said because, before my kidney failure and need for a transplant, I thought about having my children if God allowed it—if God blessed me that way. But he has not done so, and I am okay with not having my children.

My Day This Morning

With JP gone on vacation, I have a friend helping me prepare for my day from 10 AM to 12 PM (at the latest). I will have the dishes done, a bath, and get dressed for the day and tomorrow. JP and I have a routine for my baths and dialysis days, and I want to continue that routine Monday, Wednesday, and Friday while she is away. On Thursday morning, due to my friend’s schedule, we will have a bath and get dressed for dialysis and be out the door by 8 AM so I can watch for my ride to dialysis. My friend is DH. She was my cook for Meal Magic for a couple of months before the business closed.

One of Those Things That Happened A Lot

Okay, I have been doing some thinking before going to sleep at night. When I wake up, I want to pick up my laptop to begin writing what I am thinking, but then I decide to wait until morning when I start working on my projects. Then, I cannot produce the words, so I need to wait until I am reminded of it again. When nights like this happen, I get annoyed and go on with my life anyway. Sometimes I do not make sense when I write. Do I write just to write? Sometimes.

Dialysis Update for the Week, My Life in Words, and Another Dream I Had

GAMBO DIALYSIS MACHINE: The Dialysis Clinic has this machine at their clinic. I did not realize it until a technician said it was the same dialysis machine used. Mercy Health Dialysis Clinic in Janesville, Wisconsin.

June 21 

Today was a good day with no major issues with the catheter. Treatment went smoothly for most of morning. For some reason it has been a little challenging getting 3.0 to 3.2 kilograms of fluid out while cleaning my blood of toxins my kidney can no longer filter on its own. My BP (blood pressure) goes below 100/50, and the machine needs to be put in minimum to clean the blood only and no longer pull any more fluid that accumulated in a day and a half during the week and then from Saturday afternoon to Tuesday. My dialysis begins Saturday afternoon after I leave the clinic parking lot, and we have Sunday and Monday with dialysis starting on Tuesday with a new week of three treatments. I know I am a little ahead here. 

For today, I saw Dr. A while he was making his rounds after I got hooked up on the machine. We talked about how well I have been doing on dialysis, and hinted about a kidney transplant, but told him I was not ready. He told me that there was a patient on dialysis for seventeen years. I believe it can relate to attitude and conviction and doing what’s right. I care, listen, and have a good attitude when I go to and from dialysis even though there are days of nervousness, frustration, and emotion. The only time I may have difficulty is when it is ridiculously hot and cold during the year. After Dr. A dismissed himself, I did my best to relax to allow treatment to work.  

June 23 

When it comes to catheters for dialysis, I am not the only patient. That does not matter. I have accesses issues. My fistula clotted off 10 months after it was placed and it never was used, and the two grafts placed in right and left arms gave a little trouble. The graft in the left arm worked for nine months before it clotted off and IR (Internal Radiology) doctors and nurses, and technicians did not get my graft to work for dialysis again. Because I was having the procedure done late, and because the graft was gone, I had a catheter placed. It was my fourth catheter placement, so I was not worried, but tired because it was a long day having two procedures done in one day. 😴😴. I do not remember if it was a Tuesday or a Thursday, I had left the clinic to go to the hospital, but because my procedures did not end until after 5 PM, I was admitted into the hospital that evening and had dialysis because not having dialysis until – I just remembered that it was a Tuesday – Thursday would be too long of a wait. Dr. A discussed it and agreed that it was a wise idea because by the time I got back to the clinic before it closed for the day. My former caregiver DKF was there for me that day and made sure I got me home the following day with no major issues. With the catheter back, I was back to sponge baths.😣.  

June 25 

What a rainy day this morning and early afternoon has proven to be. I do not mind the rain but having to go out in it gets my body aching and sore. Despite how rainy and wet it got today, getting dialysis today was not bad. With a company called Veyo issuing medical rides to companies in Milwaukee, Janesville, and Madison, Wisconsin, I find getting rides set up every Saturday makes me feel nervous when I do not know the company. Yes, I did not know the company, but getting to and from dialysis today was a pleasant experience. I do not like Veyo nor the company MTM very much, but I make it work. Anyway, today’s dialysis went smoothly until the last forty-five minutes of treatment. My blood pressure went below 100/50 and I got dizzy a little bit. I did my best to ride it out, but my dizziness got bad enough that I needed to be put on minimum for a few minutes. The machine was turned back on after ten minutes when my dizzy spell passed, but when I was thirty minutes away from being done, I asked to be put on minimum because my left arm started shaking uncontrollably. I have an appointment with Dr. H Monday afternoon over the airwaves – Google Doc – and will be discussing this shaking that has happened twice now this month. I left with only 1.8 kilograms of fluid taken out of my body today. As soon as I was unhooked and wheeled out to the scale and weighed, I was 107.3 kilograms, but we have to take off 17.9 and .5 kilograms before recording the outgoing weight. As far as I am concerned, I have mixed feelings about my outgoing weight today, but will check it out with Dr. A on Tuesday when we talk if he comes. 

DIARIES

Please forgive me for not writing to share my life the past couple of days. I feel I have not been writing in my diary or journal lately. I cannot say I have been swamped outside of going to and from dialysis three times a week or visiting my friend DC here at Garden Court. I have been staying close to home right inside my place, dealing with aches and pains and redness under my sagging boobs, and breasts for the past few days of hot summer in Wisconsin. I seem to get red in the folds of my body and breasts when it gets hot, which can sometimes be a little painful. I am glad it is healing now since Gold Bond Powder has been helping it. My air conditioner has been running off for several days, keeping it cooler. Since I was home from dialysis yesterday afternoon to today, I have been watching 3ABN or Forensic Files on the Roku channel. I have made Forensic Files my marathon show for the weekend since HMM has Christmas movies. From what I understand, these Christmas movies will run for a week. I do not watch too many Christmas movies when it is not Christmas these days.

Magic Kitty

Magic has been a good boy these days. He has moments in time where he is a wild, feisty cat, but it is him, and he is two years old. The other day, my caregiver JP went through the folder I had gotten with his adoption; she recognized his given name Kirk and said he was one of the few feisty kittens in humane society. She also said that Magic was deemed feral, which explains his demeanor sometimes and his not knowing the litter box the first several days of his new life in a loving home. Over the past several days, I have noticed that my temper with him has softened as he gets into the closets or kitchen cupboard above the refrigerator. The name Kirk sparked memories JP had when she once worked and volunteered at the local humane society. I have been putting up with Magic more these days because raising my voice does no good to him or me. My voice rises, and he does not listen anyway, LOL. When he gets into the closets, I aim a water bottle his way and squirt, listening to his protest as he runs away. He voices his opinion on discipline, yet I love the little stinker very much. He is my fur baby today and always. Thank God for helping me with my patience and temper with Magic today and in the future. Thank you for helping me, Jesus.

Some Emotion Lately

I must admit that I have been a little emotional these days, but it comes from the redness under my breast and body folds. I have been quieter at dialysis this past week because I have known the known and thoughts about July coming and what happens on July 3, 2022. That is a week from today, and I will be fifty-two years old. I feel older than that sometimes – like today – muscles ache and moving about can sound like a creak and crunch along the way.  I feel older than my actual age and using a walker sometimes can be frustrating. Having to put a brace and shoe on) to walk any distance is not a problem, but I wish it were not happening. Do not take what you once did so long ago for granted. I am grateful that I can still walk, be independent and do things for myself even though I want to be safe in following through with my routines using and sitting on a walker. I have fallen so many times because of balance issues.

Ideas

As I continue to write my Life in Words blog and share what matters to me with others, ideas come and go. I add what comes to mind, or I do not. I know I have lacked my idea of writing in my blog like a newsletter, but that does not stop me from creating innovative ideas to add to my blog, right? It is my blog. Even though ideas still come through, I have yet to make some of them known to my readers. I have not been super busy, but I have been affected by the heat of the summer that has put my blog aside, and I get to it when I can. Sunday is the day I can get caught before relaxing and getting it done. I have been taking the time to read and play games on the phone or iPad these days as well to relax.

Time to Go

Even though it is only 6 PM here this evening in Wisconsin, I am going to say it is time for me to go to do other things. It is still early enough for me to begin a project that I plan to follow through.  I am going to good night early and come back tomorrow or during the week sometime. This weekend has been great! Good night.

DREAM

Okay, I had another dream that I remember, and had last night. I will be honest that I had watched two seasons out of three about people being haunted. The show is called Haunted. It was a big mistake watching the episodes that was before me on Netflix. Want to talk about strange or whatever, it was some dream.e 

 I was visiting a country because there was a convention. The country was London, England. I was not the only American who was at this convention, but I was having an enjoyable time, and meeting other people without the feeling nervous or small. I met people my age and a little younger, and I became a part of a small group of people who I spent time with when the convention was done for the day. We went to see the sights of famous places in London, and we found a wonderful and beautiful place that was open to the public day and night, and yet the place closed at 3 AM like a pub or bar. As we explored the place, I was beginning to see things that were there my group of friends did not see. It was not that they did not believe me, the group thought that I was hallucinating or something. I pointed at the floor and one of the girls in the group said that she could see a plate of food that had cheese and crackers, and venison on it. She went to pick it up and hand it to one of boys who could not believe what was happening as he began to see what I was seeing. He turned around with the plate, and suddenly we see a bunch of garbage bags in the room we were in, and they were ready to go outside. The boy ended w witalking toward the garbage bags and suddenly jumped into the pile and disappeared. The rest of the group and I ran out of the room and went into another room that had a long table with chairs. We sat down to catch our breaths and discuss what we just did and saw. We did not know of any hauntings nor cared to know, but one of the men in our group decided to investigate hauntings in London, England, and he did find that the place was not on the list. We found that very strange indeed. We got out of the room and began to leave when I had started to talk like a little girl, and the group looked at me with strange faces as if they thought that I was being possessed. The plate of food that disappeared with the boy in a different room was on the floor, and I needed help picking it up. One of the girls did pick up the plate and scattered food, and handed it to me, and then I left the room from another door, and exited out the building with no problem. The group of people I was with never came out, and I was alone on the street. I got back to the convention as if I knew London, and people there were asking questions and one of them asked where I have been for the past four hours of my day. I looked at the people and thought I had gone crazy, and I told them I went for a walk with some friends I had met there at the convention, and they looked at me with awe, and one of my roommates said that she saw me leaving alone and talking to myself. I looked at my roommate and I said that I could see the people I was talking to. My roommate asked me to give more detail of my new friends and did just that with precise and perfect descriptions, and the next thing I know, I was being shown some pictures, and my friends were in several. My roommate showed me the back of the pictures that said 1945 on them, and this group were killed in a fire. My roommate asked me where I went, and I told her only three blocks away to a building that was beautiful on the outside, and it had one room with garbage bags ready to go out to a dumpster, and another room had a long table with chairs where we sat and discussed the strangeness in the building, and how one of the boys jumped into the pile of garbage bags, and disappeared with a plate of cheese, crackers, and venison, then the plate reappeared before I left the room on the floor of the last room I was in with the group. My roommate said that the place I went to the very place where the fire was, and what I saw were the people who died in that fire in 1945. My roommate had explained that the building I went to was has been remodeled on the outside only, but the inside of the building has been the same since 1945. I told her there was a sign that read from 8 AM to 3 AM. My roommate said that there is no sign, but she believed I saw the sign. The building used to be a rest home for the mentally challenged young folk from 1905 to 1945 when the fire killed the group of people I was hanging with. I told her that I wondered why the group never came out with me. My roommate said that I must have taken them home where they lived for a reason, and I looked at her and told her that I even talked like a little girl before one of the girls picked up the spilled plate of food that had materialized in the room. My roommate said that was a sign to let them know that I was going to be okay and that is why the room had two exits, and I took the one that was the opposite from my group of friendughs. I was allowed to exit the building without any hesitation from my ghostly friends who were solid in my eyes. Looking at my roommate, I had this strange look and feeling to tell her that this was a bunch of baloney, but I did see that there was information about this haunted place. I mentioned that there was a man who was looking for information about that very building, and my roommate said he was just going through the motions to make it look like he was. I said that he said it was not haunted. My roommate mother said after listening for the past forty-five minutes that the man who said that was a relative of hers, and that he was killed in that fire in 1945 along with his two sisters. My roommate looked at her mother and said something that scared me a little, because her words were muffled and short, and her mother stopped talking and continued to listen. The others at the convention were there listening and quiet until they realized that my experience had ended with the idea that I was prone to outside forces of strange things. I looked at all those people and saw faces I no longer knew and walked out of the convention for good, and as I did so, I walked into my apartment in the United States and shutting the door to the life I left, living a life that became my very own without limitation. I had a cat who became a part of my world, and we had bonded without any problems. I never went back to London nor saw my new group of ghostly friends again. 

Why 1945 London, England? My group of ghostly friends were dressed in an earlier period, but I did not mind. The ghostly friends were not transparent or had any aura about them that made them go through walls. Hmm?

Some News and a Dream I Cannot Forget For Some Reason

Robin Williams’ Autopsy Results Show Case of Lewy Body Dementia Was Unusually Severe (msn.com) 

It is hard to understand that years after Robin Williams death that I read about an illness that does make sense in my way of thinking. As human beings in perfect health or have illnesses ourselves, we may not always understand another person. We may never understand someone when it comes to the life of other people before their death like Robin Williams. Reading this article about Robin Williams health that was founded in 2013, months before his suicide, could have been mentioned sooner and years later. Why do I feel so annoyed? When I heard of Robin Williams death in 2014, my heart ached that we lost an iconic comedian and actor, yet my planet spun normally, I was saddened to hear one of my favorite actors pass away.  

VIDEO: Cincinnati Zoo’s newborn cheetah cub, Rozi, meets her puppy companion for the first time (msn.com) 

It is nice to see this. A cheetah having a companion to grow up with even though it is not a cheetah. 

Proud Service Labrador Retriever Shows Off Her Newborn Puppies and It’s So Sweet (msn.com) 

I have respect for companies who help the handicapped and the blind out in the world. This mama pup is proud of her babies. 

A teen was ticketed at school for a theft she says didn’t happen. Years later, she’s still fighting. (msn.com) 

Setting any of my prejudices aside one of them is of people of color or nationality differences. I have grown up in my family respecting others no matter what color or where they came from. This story amazes me that people would think this is because one’s color. Of course, the black and the white have been battling this for years, and I am sad and my heart aches. I do not care if a person is black or Chinese. Reading what happened to the graduate may not be fair and yet it happened. I have seen communication mishandled throughout my lifetime this far, but I am wanting to follow the story from this day forward. 

My Sunday, June 19, 2022 – A Good Day

Diaries

Today is my day to get to my journaling and blogging done with no one to interrupt me except for my kitty Magic. JM came over a few minutes this morning for me to sign her timesheet. to send to Premier services through IRIS, but she did not stay too long – about a half an hour. I enjoy my Sundays at home. It is what I call ‘my veg out day’ even though I do not veg out with food all the time. It is my day to relax and not worry about my routine for one day. Anyway, with today being Father’s Day, I called my dad and we spoke for five minutes, then I texted my mom’s husband a happy Father’s Day and asked him what he was doing for the day, and he told me. I texted my brother a Happy Father’s Day, and I got a call from him thanking me for the day’s wishes. My heart swelled with happiness that my brother and I caught up a little bit today. My mood is happy, and I decided to watch A Killing in a Small Town again.

Speaking of mood, I watched movies and TV programs on HMM, and YouTube. I was in the mood to watch A Killing in a Small Town once again and saw that the 1990 movie and the book Evidence of Love are close in the details I have already read in the book. With the book almost finished, I can say that I will have to finish reading the story I was reading before Evidence of Love got my attention three weeks ago. Yes, I put the book I was reading aside to read the story about Candy Montgomery and Betty Gore. Anyway, after watching A Killing in a Small Town, I found another movie titled Girl Fight. The story was able teenage girls in high school. A girl, named Haley, and a group of girls become friends, but there was one girl who did not like Haley and Haley did not like the girl. With the internet and social media groups always having dirty laundry spilled out to the public such as gossip and argument, Haley had gotten beaten up by her so-called friends, they were arrested and released on bond after Haley told her parents and the police what happened after being told not to by her friends. Before I continue, I want to mention that the girls lied to Haley’s mother about making a video of the fight to post online, and the grandmother of one of the girls saw the video on her granddaughter’s laptop and made a copy and taking to Haley’s parents. The parents saw the video and got a lawyer to take the case to court. As the case was being investigated and the court date was set, Haley, her parents, and the girls involved in the fight being videoed and put online, the judge gave the girls involved their judgements one at a time leaving them all in shock and Haley and her parents walking out of the courtroom feeling justice has been done the way Haley felt most comfortable. This story was based on actual events like A Killing in a Small Town. 

After my movie binges, I decided to finish watching the 8 PM movie on HMM and watch Murder, She Wrote until I fell asleep. I know I had fallen asleep before midnight with excitement about my Monday in the making of routine and getting more things done before late – hopefully. I did plan on watching a specific movie at 6 PM that I have been interested on a couple of Sundays ago, but I got busy with what I was doing on my computer and time went by quickly, but 6 PM went by so fast because I was on my computer getting my blogging done before going to sleep for the night. Also, watching Girl Fight took to be a must watch in my way of thinking 😘. The movie at 6 PM can be seen another time. As you can see, my mood can change as the day goes on as far as what I watch on my Roku for the day. I even watched a couple of episodes of Dr. Phil on YouTube yesterday, and I have not watched him at 3 PM on Spectrum TV for a long time. 

Dream

When dreams happen, sometimes I wonder why they are so weird or do make sense. As a patient, I understand the HIPAA Law and the privacy between doctors, nurses, and patients, this dream I had because I watched a movie called Girl Fight. As a patient, technicians at the dialysis center also fall into that category of privacy. In other words, it is not appropriate to hang out with the workers at dialysis, making this dream a little weirder than it makes sense. I want to admit that I had this dream several days ago. 

I was in the passenger seat of a vehicle with the driver, who happens to be a technician at dialysis and has been my technician since we met. Her name is Sam. I was confused as to why I was in her car as she told me I would be fine and would have fun. It was a party she was taking me to. It was her rented property she was having the party, and she thought of bringing me. We get the house, and there were others from the dialysis center, and I began to feel the tension release; then, I saw people I did not know. I felt a little nervous being introduced to the partiers I did not know, so I distanced myself from those who were rowdy and noisy because of alcohol. It was only early afternoon on a Friday, and the party started early. The next thing I remember is I was being coaxed out of a bedroom back to the party and was in the living room watching the partiers until I had fallen asleep. The next thing I remember is waking up to Sam hovering over me. She was not yelling at me, but she was a blur asking me questions, and I was answering them willingly, and I was confused. 

Then I woke up wondering why I had a dream like this and have been thinking about it ever since, and Sam is on vacation until July 2, 2022. Maybe, I am supposed to tell her when she comes back. It was weird because I am not a party goer where there is alcohol, people getting rowdy, or even a bar hopper – although there was no bar hopping in this dream. Sam knows this in my life, but we still talk about her parties and liking certain alcoholic drinks. She is young and enjoys life her way. 

June 18, 2022 – My Diary & Blog: My Newsletter

Diary on Google search
Diaries (not mine)

7:30 AM 

It is Saturday morning, thirty minutes before 8 AM, and I have been up since 5:45 AM ready to begin my free period before JP gets here. I have to say that sometimes waking up in the morning can be challenging when I do not get sleep past 10 PM but by 12 AM. I did not get my eight hours of sleep last night, but I am awake enough to stay awake for the day with no nap later. 

9:30 AM 

At dialysis having treatment, so more details later. 

A Deja Vu moment 

About ten minutes ago, I had a moment, I thought I had dreamt the scene was seeing before, but it just happened at that moment. It mystifies my thinking process to think I have seen and heard and yet it just happened, but I have not seen or heard before. I know we dream when we sleep, but I know I did not dream what a technician was saying and doing as if I saw and heard it before today. 

Stranger Things on Netflix 

When it comes to science fiction and fantasy movies or TV shows, I want to say that Stranger Things on Netflix is a favorite. I watched the first three seasons last year before I even thought of moving out of Burbank Plaza. Yesterday I noticed that the fourth season had come out or at least the first seven episodes of the program. I made my afternoon a Stranger Things marathon. I was so engrossed in a part of the show, hearing my friend JM unlock my door to come made me look at the door and watch her come in and her say hello. I FORGOT she was coming. OOPS. LOL. Did the show have something to do with me looking at the door when JM unlocked the door? Let me say that I was a little spooked because the sound seemed louder, and she put the key in the lock. Because I forgot that JM was coming Friday after work, and I felt embarrassed for a few minutes, then laughed at the idea that Stranger Things was the cause of my spooked moment in time. Anyway, I watched all seven episodes and I loved it. It was the dream that I do remember having after getting to sleep after midnight. I rarely stay up late past 9 PM on the night before dialysis day the following morning. To tell the truth, I am always asleep between 8 and 10 PM each night because I fall asleep while watching TV. I sleep in the living room in my chair. My bedroom is warm all year round. 

Jurassic World Dominion Thoughts 

Even though I have already talked about the fact I saw the movie earlier in the week, I want to admit that seeing dinosaurs in commercials reminds me that I saw the latest movie in the Jurassic Park and World franchise. Computer graphic imaging intrigues my senses and mind how a computer program can do such graphics these days. I use a computer daily or my iPad, Kindle Fire. I am into electronics. I was introduced to Mac when I was in 8th grade and got a Commodore C64 when I was a junior in high school. My mom’s husband who I call ‘Dad’ or ‘daddy’ had taken my passion for computers seriously and helped me make my knowledge of computers grow through the past forty years. Now, as well, I have been getting Perdue chicken nuggets shaped into dinosaurs, LOL. My friend JM said, ‘so what’ the other day when I told her the nuggets were chicken meat with vegetables. Chicken is a clean meat in the Bible. Please understand that I am not shoving my beliefs and Bible knowledge down anyone’s throat. I am here doing what I want and need to do as a diarist and a blogger. 

My Saturday (Most of the time) 

After getting home from dialysis, I had a little bit of time to relax and get some lunch before my company came. My friend JM, my boyfriend KB, and his mother come over to worship the Lord with me since dialysis takes me away from going to church Saturday mornings and has been for the past four years. If KB and TB do not make it over on a Saturday afternoon, it is because she is on call at work during the weekend, but JM comes over after church or work. JM works at the hospital as the morning cook every other weekend. Also, depending on Magic’s mood and need to cuddle, Magic and I share a few moments of cuddle time and kisses. 

Today 

JM arrived first then a few minutes later because the security doors are made to let tenants in if their key fob does not work, TB and KB came in. We sat and talked for a few minutes, then we did Saturday’s daily Sabbath school lesson, and then chatted some until a little after 3:30 PM when JM announced that it was time for her to get ready for supper with her husband MM. TB and KB left at the same time leaving me alone to do what I wanted and needed for the rest of the afternoon and evening. 

After everyone left, Magic and I shared the same space in the living room for a couple of hours, watching TV and resting. I was watching movies on HMM.

Garden Court sign in front of building

Here we are, in the second to third week, the apartment building is at risk of strange people and the homeless getting into the building. With 132 apartments and tenants coming and going from the front and back doors, the unseen can see that the security locked doors are not working properly. There is a part that the security locked doors need and right now the part is on back order, and many of those strong minds know that when something is on back order, it takes time. I am glad I live on the third floor here at Garden Court, but because of the safety measures right now are questionable, and I am not saying that management does not care about the tenants’ safety. I keep my door locked when home. 

Also, as of Friday, June 17, I had an appointment with the management at 1 PM. It was time for my recertification for the year 2022. Every year, HUD subsidized housing apartment buildings and complexes have recertifications of all the tenants four months prior to the day they moved in no matter when they moved in. As of October 1, 2022, I will see what my rent will be raised up to, stay the same, or it goes up a little bit because the cost of living goes up every year in January. I have moved to Burbank Plaza in March of 1998 and moved out October 1, 2022, after twenty-three years. I am happy to be away from a place that took my happiness away and found my happiness at Garden Court. Even though right now the building has security lock problems that need to be fixed, Garden Court is my home now, and I love it here even though one room which is the bedroom is used seldom because it gets warm in there all year round, and it is hot in the winter because of the heat, and since I live on the third floor, heat rises like a fast volcano about to erupt. I have been sleeping in my chair in the living room at night. 

Being a tenant here for nine months since June 1, I want to admit that there are tenants in my age group here whereas at Burbank Plaza, before the rule changed to 62 and over, but those who are younger than 62 can continue to live at Burbank Plaza until they move. I have moved out from a place that has turned into a place that the management would not stick to enforcing the rules of living in a community, and there has been rule breakers and troublemakers that should have been evicted. Yes, a tenant and her boyfriend were legally evicted, but after that court case, nothing was done with other tenants who caused trouble. It even took a while after my former caregiver DFK and I had some difficulty with a tenant and his ex-wife, nothing was done except for a write up and a warning to both troublemakers at the time. The male tenant called DKF a bitch and tried to tell her that she was parked in a handicapped stall, and that it was reserved to a couple in the building. The management told us that there is no assigned parking for anyone. Okay, I get it, management at Burbank Plaza had her hands tied and had difficulty with the eviction of the tenant three years ago, but honestly, not being able to enforce the rules made for all the tenants made me feel uncomfortable living there for three years until I moved out October 1, 2022, to Garden Court. More thoughts later about Burbank Plaza. I am glad to be home where I am happy. Remembering also that I was afraid that I was not sure if my AR parents would be upset that I moved, so one day I texted them and told them that I was moving to Garden Court downtown two weeks before I moved. I got a response from my parents that they were happy for me, and I was moving to a new place and moving to a new home is always exciting. I am not sure because packing and unpacking for and from a movie is tedious and troublesome.

Gsmbro dialysis machine for hemodialysis
Dialysis Machine

June 14 

Treatment today went fine. The catheter behaved through treatment with little hitches that were easily managed. My blood pressure ran below 100/50 and the machine had to be put in minimum thirty minutes before I was taken off for the day. For some reason, my blood pressure runs low or cannot be read when the cuff inflates and deflates. Today, the cuff could not read my blood pressure. This happens with kidney disease. I asked Dr. A about it in my one of our appointments at the clinic when he was making his rounds to all the patients. Today, being a clinic visit with the doctor, I have to admit that Dr. A is not worried about my labs and wants to keep things as things are at this time. My labs from last week are excellent, and I got to see all my labs but one and that was my phosphorous level. When I got to the clinic, I asked the dietitian what it was because the result was not showable on Mercy MyChart this time. We get labs drawn once a month and hemoglobin and hematocrit twice a month. We will get, what the clinic calls it, H&H done again next Thursday. Labs are drawn on the second Thursday and two weeks later H&H is done a second time. 

June 16 

Before I go on to how dialysis went today, I would like to explain a little bit about myself beginning dialysis in 2019. Yes, I have been dialyzing for four years now since my transplanted kidney contracted kidney disease. My transplanted kidney is seventy-eight years old, and my mother was my living donor in 1988. I have had twenty-six years with the kidney when glomerulonephritis attacked the kidney. Also, my kidney was seventy-four years old. Today the kidney is seventy-eight years old has a GFR function of 5. That tells the nephrologists in my care and on my case that dialysis is necessary, and I am dialyzing three times a week. It is something I must do to survive from the toxins and fluid buildup because the kidney cannot do it anymore. Hemodialysis is where the blood is cleaned of the toxins and fluid buildup in the body. A person needs a fistula, graft, or catheter to do hemodialysis. When I found out that I was sick with total kidney failure in 1987, I had to do peritoneal dialysis because my kidneys were too far gone to wait for a fistula to mature. I was seventeen and did not know nor I was given any explanation between the two forms of dialysis. From 1988 to 2022, there has been some great strides in the medical field as far as nephrology is concerned, but I still have mixed feelings about thirty-four years ago when my kidney journey began as a patient. 

Today, choosing to have hemodialysis this time instead of peritoneal dialysis, I have made the decision because of my experience with peritoneal catheter, getting peritonitis twice, cellulitis once, and now I have a belly button hernia, and having cerebral palsy that limits my ability to hook myself up every night at home. My right side is weaker than my left, and my right side of my body, and so many changes have happened since 2011—eight years before losing my kidney enough to have dialysis a second time in my life. 

When it comes to kidney transplantation to mind, I have some mixed feelings about having another transplant right now. When Covid came about in the United States, affecting the entire nation, we had several months of businesses closing and reopening, and so many people have gotten sick and died from Covid itself. The world had to make some changes and ever since Covid, I have been wearing a mask while in public to my dialysis treatments three times a week, other doctor appointments, errands, and when necessary, at home. I have been careful and mindful of who comes into my home. I have no plans right now when it comes to a second transplant. I understand that the medical professionals want all their kidney patients vaccinated because kidney disease is a pre-existing condition and transplants are working with immune systems that are low, but my feeling about having to be vaccinated should be a choice and not be forced by medical officials. I see the understanding on the medical side, but some patients have other medical issues that may interact with the vaccine, and the vaccine may harm the patient. Because of the fact the transplant team want all patients to be vaccinated and have the boosters to the updated time to get on the transplant list. Also, how the government officials have scared everyone all around the world is beyond me when the Covid tests are updated flu tests annoys me. A former caregiver of mine had come over one day with her usual mask over her nose and mouth, and she said she want feeling well. It was the weekend, and the following Monday, she told me that she had tested positive for Covid, and her symptoms were a real bad headache and having no energy. I never got Covid although my chances were great because we were a mere few inches the Saturday, she was giving me a sponge bath, and I was not wearing a mask, but she was. 

Now, as far as dialysis is concerned for today, I have to say that I was able to have treatment and go home feeling safe, but tired and wiped out. My catheter worked through the three hours I was dialyzing, but it had a couple of quirks to get kinked out during the three hours I sat or reclined there. It was a little nerving, yet the catheter worked. Catheters are temporary forms of dialysis; catheters need to be replaced when they do not work well or as well as they have done from the beginning of placement can be nerve-racking. I want to praise and thank God for my medical needs and catheter working well enough to get through treatment each week despite the quirks and occasional issues that clear up with flushing, pushing and pulling of saline solution, and having medication call Cathflo (that is how it is spelled) put in the catheter after every treatment for catheter maintenance because my blood clots faster and easier for some reason. I may not be a complicated patient, but my case is. The technician was having some difficulty with my catheter today, so one of the nurses got involved to get the catheter working again. The catheter behaved after a tweak or two and when my blood pressure went below 100/50, the machine had to be put in minimum, and I was given a medication to elevate my blood pressure a little to get it above 100/50 before turning the machine back on to taking toxins and fluids. The nurse who was taking care of the patients in Pod 1 decided to lower my goal from 3.0 kilograms to 2.7 kilograms since had a few about an hour left of treatment. 

It always gets busy at dialysis. Technicians and nurses on the floor at times managing their assigned pods (there are four pods of four chairs a piece). When technicians go to lunch at 11 AM, there is always two other technicians and a nurse on the floor. I have my favorite technicians who seem to keep the anxiety at bay, and a couple of the nurses as well. Today, I did my best at allowing them to do their jobs by not worrying about what was going on with my catheter. I do not think I did too bad because I was able to get through three hours of treatment without significant issues. When I am upset or anxious, my catheter will not work properly. When I get in early, I can get out early and go home so I can relax and be with my Magic Kitty who hates it when I leave for a little over three hours on dialysis days. I do not like leaving him, either. I have separate anxiety from time to time, but it has gotten better since I moved in at Garden Court Apartments on October 1, 2021 

Thank you for taking the time to learn more about my dialysis and how dialysis works in my behalf. I know this was a long entry today, but I wanted to give more details of dialysis as an update. More on Saturday. 

June 18 

Dialysis went smoothly for most of the treatment. My BP does not always register on the machine these days, so the technician or nurse will have to readjust the cuff and retake my BP. During the week my BP did not register three times at one of my treatments. That does not bother me too much, but it is annoying. The reason why blood pressures do not always register on the machine is because the access points or area of the veins can be harder to detect with kidney disease. That scares me a little bit. 

While at dialysis today, I learned something about fluid in the cardiovascular area of the body. When there is fluid in there, the fluid is pulled from around the heart, the machine indicates by your blood pressure reading when it registers, and if blood pressure reads below 100/50, the machine needs to be put on minimum until BP gets back up above a little above 100/50. The clinic does not let a patient leave if BP is low. Low blood pressure causes dizziness and cramping, I have experienced both at the same time as well as separate occasions. Today out of 3.2 kilograms, I was able to dialyze to 2.73 kilograms leaving at 91.0 kilograms (½ kilograms to my dry weight). 

June 17, 2022 – A Compilation of Things today – My Newsletter

News

Although this is old news, I have been wondering what happened to everyone involved, and when I have time and wakefulness to do research, I am looking about online. This article is about what happened to Betty Gore’s home after her brutal and horrific death, and this article tells about it.

What happened to Betty Gore’s house in Texas where she died? | Fort Worth Star-Telegram

The miniseries titled Candy has been watched four times now. The 1990 movie titled A Killing in a Small Town has been watched one time, and I am reading the book Evidence of Love that gives details of what happened on June 13, 1980, in Wylie, Texas. From the movie and miniseries, it does look like that Candy Montgomery did defend herself, but the idea of continuing to hack Betty Gore with an axe up to 41 times is horrible. I found it amazing in a shocking way, that Candy Montgomery got acquitted and spent little time in jail according to what I have read so far in the book. I have read up to chapter 22 out of twenty-seven chapters in the past two in a half weeks.

I know that Candy Montgomery, according to the 1990 movie and miniseries has brought the community to anger and confusion. Friends and family could not believe that Candy could do such a thing until one day she was hypnotized, and her past produced getting hurt and screaming it hurts because at age 4 she broke a jar and got cut on the forehead and remembering that while she was killing Betty Gore until she mutilated to death with an axe forty-one times. She should be in prison and not out free living her life with a new name. The idea of protecting herself and having the defense that was called self-defense surprised me. I must finish the book to the jest of the entire true story now, so I am not confused.

Evidence of Love (Book) 

I have been reading the book Evidence of Love for the past two weeks now. I am watching the miniseries starring Jessica Biel again to see the differences between the book and miniseries, and I want to admit that the book is very good compared to the miniseries. I am one person who does not like to make assumptions because it can bite me in the butt later in life, but the thought of the 40th anniversary of the murder in Wylie, Texas in 1980 has sparked producers to create a miniseries on Hulu. I was ten years old, living with my mom in Milton, Wisconsin and knew nothing about the murder at that age. Although living in Wisconsin for the past 42 years, I have seen the movie A Killing in a Small Town when it aired on TV throughout the years. Right now, I am reading chapter 22 out of twenty-seven chapters. It is kind of hard to put the book down and believe when I force myself to put the book down to get up and do what I need to do from time to time. 

Magic Paw Look-A-Like (not Magic)

In the mornings, most of the time, I am a little wild to mommy’s satisfaction. Today was one of those days I was not wild. Mommy says I have been pretty good today and I respected her caregiver better than days in the past, but I still showed a little that I wanted to play. I am a two-year-old cat now and dislike the word no, have issues with being picked up by some people and not with my Aunt JM. Grandma TB, and daddy KB. KB is mommy’s boyfriend. I let JP (caregiver) pick me up this morning when she walked in. I liked that. I got a few treats before not biting to be put down. Mommy is training me not to bite now. JP, too. My bites and scratching hurts mommy, and so I need to learn that is a no no. I was good today. 

A Long Day

Another day is ending, and it is around 5 PM on a Wednesday evening. I had an appointment with Dr. H regarding my power chair, had my bath and got dressed for the day. JP came by 9:45 AM so she could be here with me during my telehealth appointment with the doctor, make me lunch, and then head back home. I have been watching Matlock and reading Evidence of Love, relaxing. I was planning to go to DC’s tonight, but the weather has gotten me in a sluggish state of mind and body. The elevated temperature for Wisconsin today is 93 degrees. Tomorrow is going to be only 3 degrees cooler from today. We are indeed having summer weather now. I did want to go to DC’s tonight, but it is hard for me to get around right now. Getting up and out of my favorite, once my corner chair, has been challenging the past couple of days. Yesterday I had more difficulty than I do today, but it is still troublesome. My body is here, but the strength in my upper and lower extremities has been drained as if I were a slow leaky tire. I am better today. My pain yesterday was a ten and today it is between 5 and 10. I do not like sitting if I can help it, but the past two days there have been a lot of sitting. Winter and summer are the toughest seasons to endure. I do not like extreme heat and extreme cold anymore. It is hard to maneuver outside. Still, I do my best on days like yesterday and today. 

JP and I have discussed the time she will be here on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. I am always up and awake by 6 AM each morning no matter what day it is, but JP does not have to be here until 7:30 AM. I am okay with the frame of time as I can relax more before she gets here. I am up by 6 AM every morning as it is, and I take advantage of my free time online, to read, and watch TV. Sometimes I am up and waking up before 6 AM, and those days are longer that way. Last night was a hard night for sleeping and I have been up and down since 2 AM. It has been a long day for me. That is why I am sluggish today and the weather cannot be entirely blamed because I have a fan and air conditioner running. It is hot and muggy outside. 

It is time for me to say good night and close the shop for the day. Good night and I plan to be back tomorrow or Friday. 

Good Morning From Wisconsin

Good morning from Wisconsin around 8 AM. I have an appointment at 10 AM with Dr. H regarding a power chair. I am looking forward to the appointment yet a little apprehensive as well. It is one of those days when feelings and emotions are mixed making a combination that is questionable, but I am dealing with it like a champ. So, for the next two hours, I am relaxing and watching Matlock until my caregiver JP arrives to be here for the appointment, then leave for two to three hours and come back to give me a bath and dressed for the rest of the day and tomorrow. As far as the weather is concerned, the highest being 93 degrees today, I am staying home where it is a little cooler. I have texted my dad’s wife SK about another birthday gift idea, and she replied with a thumbs-up. I want an air fryer another oscillating fan. I have one for my living room, but I need one for my bedroom because it gets warm in the bedroom all year round. Because it gets hot, I do not sleep in the bedroom like a normal person. I want to sleep in my bedroom again, though. I want to be a normal person again.  

Not Always A Typical Day

Summer Has Arrived 

Summer has indeed arrived in Wisconsin. It was already in the eighties by the time I left for dialysis treatment. Warm and muggy do not go well with me. I feel sluggish and yucky if out in the heat too long. Y Since I do not move very fast some days, I would prefer to be in where there is air conditioning. With my A/C running at home, getting home to enjoy the coolness of my living room pleases me more than being out in the heat and hot. After getting home and cooled off, the A/C was turned off and my oscillating fan was turned on. I got cold with the A/C running. Summer has arrived in Wisconsin without fail—heat and all. 

My Day Today 

With dialysis done and I am home after 12:15 PM, I had help getting to my apartment and was greeted by a black cat who was so happy to see me home. Also, my best friend JM was already here waiting for me to come home. JM comes over on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. She is off on Tuesdays, so she can be here as soon as I get home or meet me at my apartment. Because dialysis can make me feel weak for a little while, I do want I can for myself when I am home with no company, but today was not so bad. JM helped me make my lunch of chicken dino nuggets and a twice-baked potato. It was delicious and filling. Having chicken nuggets shapes that are dinosaurs this week has been fitting as I saw Jurassic World Dominion yesterday afternoon. I will get them again. They are very good and tasty. Before JM left for the afternoon, we watched an episode of Murder, She Wrote on the Roku channel together. Because I have watched all the episodes in the twelve seasons, I had to keep myself from saying anything about what happens on the show. After the show was over, JM left for the day, and I was alone with a black cat defending for myself the rest of the afternoon and evening. I watched more Murder, She Wrote, then began watching Matlock on Pluto.