Life Has Been Hard Lately

I have been in the hospItal in July due to covid, then got home. Two weeks later, due to a fall, i learned that i had a hematoma near the hip that cannot be proven from the nursing home i wad in. Evansville manor. I will not go back there. Now Im at St. Elizabeth In Janesville, Wisconsin with a plan in place to go home by the 8th of November. i miss my cat Magic. i have done a lot of crying because I have been dealing with anxiety and depression. Nursing homes are okay, but when they do understand me, there’s going to be problems.

Taking it Easy Today

Hello and good afternoon. Sleeping in a bed was okay, and I did sleep in my bedroom all night. Because cats are nocturnal, my Magic kitty was up all night playing because when DH cleaned my toilet, Magic had put a toy in the toilet bowl sometime during the night while I was sleeping. Silly cat! I woke up with my back aching, and my arms were sore. Waking up at 5:30 AM and having a challenge getting off the bed, I got where I wanted to be—the living room. I dealt with aches and pains in my back from 5:30 AM to 10:30 AM, taking acetaminophen 650mg at 10 AM when DH got here to work for me for a little while. I did not want to have a bath today because of the pain I was dealing with for a time. I wanted to sit and be lazy all day. This is my only entry of the day. 

With DH leaving around 12:30 PM through 1:00 PM, I am taking advantage of the lazy day. I have DH for backup with JP staying home since she is ill. No big deal. JP does not want me sick, too, just in case it happens to be Covid. I am feeling dry in some areas of my body and having a dry cough and allergies being a pain; I am keeping to myself and praying for JP to feel better soon and in God’s will. She is unsure if she has Covid, and her doctor did not order a test to see because she stays home and rests each day. She is missed, but when someone is sick, I have to be extremely careful not to get sick, too. 

I still have to get my nails for July, but I think it will not happen. It is okay, but I hope my nails do not break in the meantime; waiting for August after August 3, 2022, when I get my Social Security and SSI deposits. My nails are growing and showing signs of good wear, and they are getting long—too long, but managing with them. I find it difficult to open a soda can right now 😃. 

I am going to rest now, watch TV, and read a little throughout the day. I will be back tomorrow or later in the weekend—time to relax and get comfortable. 

A Few Words This Morning


Hello and good morning. I found sleep between 8 PM and 10 PM last night. I remember waking up a few times wondering what time it was—asking Siri—and time seemed to go by quickly. It was not a stormy night, but tonight I am planning on sleeping in my bedroom for the first time in months. With my dialysis appointment this morning, DH came over to help with my bath and get me dressed for the day because JP is not feeling well, and she does not want to contact me sick. By her text this morning, it does not sound like covid, but it sounds like an upper respiratory infection or a terrible cold. I am glad I have DH for backup or when she is needed, like when JP was on vacation. 

Written In Blood: A True Story of Murder and a Deadly 16-Year-Old Secret that Tore a Family Apart 

After finishing my last book, I have decided to read Written in Blood: A True Story of Murder and a Deadly 16-Year-Old Secret that Tore a Family Apart. I am finding it very difficult to put this book down. I have read several chapters so far. A man named Michael Peterson is what the story is about. His wife, Kathleen, according to Mike, fell down the stairs in their home and is unconscious. When authorities and medical services arrived, the scene said something different—possible murder, not an accident. 

The way the author wrote this book tells the story of all the people involved. The victim and there are two victims as far as I have gotten as well as the possibility that Michael Peterson is the suspect. Authorities believe he is the murderer of his wife, Kathleen Peterson. I will continue reading today while I have time at dialysis and when I get home. Because I have read at least 21 chapters, I will be reading about Kathleen Peterson next. I love how the author has put the story together. 

Magic Kitty 

He has been terrific the past three weeks. He can still be wild, but he seems to be calmer. I am still in the crosshairs of his jumping to get to his cat tree, but that is okay. Sometimes I see a flash of black, and sometimes I do not see him until he is dancing around one of the five poles on the tree. He does not always jump in front of me. He is swift and can jump far because he is a young two-year-old cat. He is not a kitten anymore. I love him very much. 

More Later 

I have to leave for dialysis shortly, so I will return later if I can. 

Afternoon and Evening Thought

Another day is ending. I was not planning on journaling tonight, but I have some energy to stay up for a bit longer. Today has been a good day. Dialysis went well today—more details in Dialysis Updates. I got home early because I got done early. I visited with my friend DC for a few minutes in the lobby before going to my apartment on the third floor—apartment 314. I could see her mom as she was leaving for the day. Mrs. C is a wonderful person who visits DC every day, and DC stays at her mom’s every weekend. After visiting DC, while heading to the elevator, another friend SR said hello to me, and we chatted for a few more minutes, and she helped me get to the third floor safely. I had been home shortly after 1 PM when I stopped talking with DC and went upstairs. Since eating dinner, I have been relaxing and watching Monk and the back-to-back movies from 2 PM through 10 PM. Tonight the back-to-back movie is Murder 101. 

I wanted to take the time to write because something has been on my mind since yesterday afternoon. I did not write about it at once because I could not find the right words. Today, the words have been found, and I will write about them before going to sleep for the night so I can sleep better. What I will be sharing is a form of a vent—a vent indeed. 


I love JO. It is all on her if she does not want to text or call. I posted after my friend JS and mentioned names, but not JO’s. It was not that she was not a part of the post; the post was about me and not her. I may not have mentioned her name, but I mentioned three friends and said ‘and more’ that does include friends that have not been mentioned openly. I saw JO’s comment and found it interesting when she said, ‘where’s me?’ I decided to remove JO’s comment because I was not going to start an argument with her. Since the post, I have not heard from JO at all. She has taken my post personally, and my friend JS did not mention her in the same post; I got the post from her page. I do not want to sound mean, but not hearing from her has been a relief from stress. I have talked to DC, JS, and my caregiver JP about it and let it go. JS keeps JO at a distance. I am going to do the same for now as well. I have friends and neighbors who will help when necessary. 

Good Night 

Up late, now, tired, I have to say time to close shop for the night. Good night. 

Morning Thoughts

I was so tired yesterday that I did have a couple of naps during the day after JP left after noon. JP surprised me because she said she was coming over today. She came back with candy and cookies, and cream fudge for me. I do have to admit that she had me a little confused for a few minutes. I am glad she is back, and I get back on track with my routine and schedule. Having DH here was fantastic, but with her busy schedule, we had a different routine scheduled for the last two weeks. I managed to get things done, as each caregiver I have had throughout the past seven years has different ways of doing things. Change, and I have conflicts sometimes unless I have time to prepare for the change or changes ahead of time. I find change very hard at times, depending on what is changing in my life in the short or long term. I have had trouble with change since I was a teenager. 

With that said, I have to say the DH is a keeper as a caregiver. Although it differed from JP’s, I found the routine not inadequate. I want her to work for me again when JP is not here when I need a hand. I want to admit that with JP returning, I was getting a little anxious as her vacation ended and she was heading home. Getting back into the routine has been thought of since my caregiver JP left and changed my routine for two weeks. 

I am glad that my routine is getting back to normal. My place is shaping up slowly after being here since October 1, 2021. My kitchen table is lovely after JP took care of its clutter. My birthday gifts have been put in places throughout the living room. Garden Court has in-house inspections this week, and I am unsure if management will choose my apartment because the people I call “the big wigs” will be inspecting apartments. Management does not know. Since I moved in October 2021, this will be my first inspection since I moved here. I hope my apartment passes inspection. I am a bundle of nerves. 

With my schedule back on track this week, I am dealing with emotions settling down slowly but surely. I must remember to take deep breaths, sit back, and allow God to help me. I cannot do this on my own—without God’s help. 

Dear Jesus, 

Please help my emotions settle down as I get back into a routine. I know I need you. Amen 

Time to Go for Now 

I have to go to dialysis this morning, and it is almost time for me to return later today if I am not tired from treatment. 

Dialysis Update for July 12, 2022

Dialysis went well today. It went perfectly—no problems with the catheter. I have decided to have my arm blood pressure done instead of the leg, which stayed above 110/80. It was a lovely day to relax and get through treatment with no alarms. I was hooked up to the machine in minutes, and I have not had a perfect day like today in a long time. 

Dr. A dropped by during his clinic rounds, and we discussed my phosphorous level is high. He wants to recheck my phosphorous in two weeks to see if it has gone down. When Phosphorous levels are high, the patient deals with itching. 

What a wonderful day it was. 

Hello and Good Morning

Another Change 

I did not like the subtitle of my diary at DD, so I changed it again this morning. I changed it again. Today it is titled Ksmiley’s Diary & Blog: My Life in Words & Chapters of My Life. No more newsletter—in mind to still do multiple entries at times. I also decided to change the theme, which pleases me—enough changes for now—done. 

Did Not Sleep Well Last Night 

For some reason, I could not sleep well last night. I do not know what happened. I cannot explain the lack of sleep, but I can assume that it was due to the temperature in my apartment being too warm, cool to cold, and hot. I have been up since 4 AM, and took a nap using my CPAP until I had awakened again at 6 AM with Murder, She Wrote was on HMM. Am I going through menopause or something? Maybe so. I am 52 years old now. I am not, for the past couple of years now, mensurating anymore anyway. Why did I say that? *Oh boy*  I h

The Good Wife Update 

As the story continues, we are in the courtroom listening to witnesses and authorities talking about the evidence found and testing for any prints and other evidence of bodily fluids and blood. One side believes that Roger Scaggs is guilty, while his lawyers do not think he is guilty and that the evidence may be there but does not show that Roger Scaggs’s DNA proves he is guilty. I have to read the story further to find out. Twenty-seven chapters in the book, and on chapter 23 now, I am almost finished with the book, and I have another book in mind to read after The Good Wife. The story is hard to put down, so I can work on other projects like this entry. 

JP Is Home 

Between 10 and 11 AM this morning, JP surprised me by coming to work after being gone for two weeks in Michigan. She texted me that she was coming tomorrow morning—Tuesday, and wow, I heard the key in the door, and she came in. I was able to get my bath and dressed for the day. I can get back on track with my weekly routine and schedule. It is nice to have JP back. 

Goodbye For Now 

More later if I am not too tired. 

A Little Book Update, Changes Are Occurring, and a Good Day for Grilling Out

The Good Wife 

The murder investigation continues as Roger Scaggs’s life changes by selling his home and moving into a condominium, losing his position at his job, and is on leave. Neighbors and church members have mixed feelings about Roger and the investigation. Anger has ensued between Roger and his pastor, who was there for Roger and his daughter the night of the murder, but Roger thinks not so. I think Roger is falling apart. He has been arrested and sat in jail for several days, and he says he did not kill his wife. This story is hard to put down, but I have other projects to work on as well since it is Sunday, and Sundays are my most extensive workday. 

I have seventeen chapters, and it is becoming clear what happened and who did it. As Roger is the primary suspect, and he says he is innocent, I have to admit that I see another husband and human being guilty of the crime. The evidence, the bag with the murder weapon and surgical gloves found in the trash receptacles on the property of Roger’s job, and the detectives hone on Roger. 

A Change Once Again 

I have made some adjustments to my diary and blog at DD today. Instead of being My Life and Words: A Newsletter, I have changed it to Chapters of my Life and Newsletter. With this new change, in my mind, it is yet a newsletter; I have not used the newsletter version as much as I have since begun the project. It is not getting old or hard to deal with; my interest has somewhat changed, and some days it is not easy getting more than one thing posted at a time, like My Diary and Prayers and News in one huge post. Please bear with me as I make up my mind. Thank you so much. I am still working on getting the kinks out of the change. Change and I work together sometimes. 

The Smell of Grilling Food 

With summer being the time grills are brought out to create lunches and suppers, today was one of those days I smelled the grilling of burgers and hotdogs. For thirty to forty minutes smelling the delicious scent, I wondered where it was coming from. I know we have Whiskey Ranch Bar and Grill at the end of the block going in the direction of South Main St. I live on North Main Street. I do not think that the bar and grill’s food could be smelled down at the other end of the block, but it could be possible depending on how the wind is blowing. I believe that someone was grilling nearby more so than anything because the smell of grilled meat was wafting into my apartment as if it was right outside this afternoon—a great day for grilling today. 

My Day at a Glance

After getting home dialysis treatment, my dialysis weekend began. My friend JM came over after work, while TB (KB’s Mom) and KB came over after church. We chatted for a while among the four of us for a few minutes before TB’s phone rang. We were going to read the Sabbath lesson of the day. Still, the call was a family emergency that made TB and KB leave, leaving JM and me alone like any other weekday when JM comes over to visit and get meds in my Pria medicine dispenser done. I understand that emergencies happen, but sometimes I wish emergencies would not occur. Do I make sense? After JM left for the day, I just relaxed by reading and relaxing.

The Good Wife

For the last few weeks, I have been reading true stories. I have read Evidence of Love, Love Lies, and now I am reading The Good Wife. A Christian housewife is murdered. The woman who was murdered was Roger Skaggs wife. Reading the story so far has proven that Roger may be suffering from a midlife crisis and was having an affair with one of his co-workers; and gets a pilot license, a sports car, and changes his clean, executive appearance to having a beard. Despite the disappointment of Roger’s s midlife crisis, Mrs. Skaggs feels about her husband’s need to have a pilot’s license, a plane, a sports car, and a beard, but she still makes the home for her husband in a spiritual sense that means a wife should submit to her husband. Mrs. Skaggs was a woman who taught married couples how to have a strong, loving, and wonderful marriage. She has made many friends teaching wives how to submit to their husbands and have a relationship in the spiritual sense, and one evening she was brutally murdered while playing the piano. Murder in the neighborhood has upset the neighbors, and they want justice for their friend, who is now dead. Law enforcement and those who work in the labs getting DNA from home and objects used in murdering Mrs. Skaggs come up with evidence of fingerprints and blood samples showing that Roger Skaggs’s behavior is being looked into, yet there are no suspects. Roger Skaggs has been interviewed twice by detectives and what he says makes the detectives look closer to him. As I continue to read the story, I will give an update.

Time to go. I am getting tired and ready to get some sleep. I know it is early, but I had a long day that began at 5 AM instead of 5:45 AM. Having no caregiver this morning, I had to ensure I was adequately dressed, take my meds, and get out the door all by myself. Because of my limitations and need more time, I set my alarm for each task so I do not forget something and give myself time to get out the door with my kitty wanting to go with me. It is not easy for me to get out of my apartment because the door seems heavy when I deal with chronic pain that sometimes Tylenol does not relieve. Today the pain was there but ignored because I had something I had to do for myself and what health I still have.