My Day at a Glance

After getting home dialysis treatment, my dialysis weekend began. My friend JM came over after work, while TB (KB’s Mom) and KB came over after church. We chatted for a while among the four of us for a few minutes before TB’s phone rang. We were going to read the Sabbath lesson of the day. Still, the call was a family emergency that made TB and KB leave, leaving JM and me alone like any other weekday when JM comes over to visit and get meds in my Pria medicine dispenser done. I understand that emergencies happen, but sometimes I wish emergencies would not occur. Do I make sense? After JM left for the day, I just relaxed by reading and relaxing.

The Good Wife

For the last few weeks, I have been reading true stories. I have read Evidence of Love, Love Lies, and now I am reading The Good Wife. A Christian housewife is murdered. The woman who was murdered was Roger Skaggs wife. Reading the story so far has proven that Roger may be suffering from a midlife crisis and was having an affair with one of his co-workers; and gets a pilot license, a sports car, and changes his clean, executive appearance to having a beard. Despite the disappointment of Roger’s s midlife crisis, Mrs. Skaggs feels about her husband’s need to have a pilot’s license, a plane, a sports car, and a beard, but she still makes the home for her husband in a spiritual sense that means a wife should submit to her husband. Mrs. Skaggs was a woman who taught married couples how to have a strong, loving, and wonderful marriage. She has made many friends teaching wives how to submit to their husbands and have a relationship in the spiritual sense, and one evening she was brutally murdered while playing the piano. Murder in the neighborhood has upset the neighbors, and they want justice for their friend, who is now dead. Law enforcement and those who work in the labs getting DNA from home and objects used in murdering Mrs. Skaggs come up with evidence of fingerprints and blood samples showing that Roger Skaggs’s behavior is being looked into, yet there are no suspects. Roger Skaggs has been interviewed twice by detectives and what he says makes the detectives look closer to him. As I continue to read the story, I will give an update.

Time to go. I am getting tired and ready to get some sleep. I know it is early, but I had a long day that began at 5 AM instead of 5:45 AM. Having no caregiver this morning, I had to ensure I was adequately dressed, take my meds, and get out the door all by myself. Because of my limitations and need more time, I set my alarm for each task so I do not forget something and give myself time to get out the door with my kitty wanting to go with me. It is not easy for me to get out of my apartment because the door seems heavy when I deal with chronic pain that sometimes Tylenol does not relieve. Today the pain was there but ignored because I had something I had to do for myself and what health I still have.

July 9, 2022 – Dialysis Update

I want to admit that when it comes to medical rides, being set up by a middleman company like Veyo can be frustrating. I have always thought being able to call for a ride was easier before Veyo. I have permanent rides to dialysis on Tuesdays and Thursdays with a company called Lavigne Bus Company, but on Saturdays, my medical rides are bounced weekly. Either it is You Buy We Fly, MMM, All Board, or CMK Delivery LLC. Today I got a company called Carepoint Transit. I have not heard of Carepoint Transit until today, and believe me, when I do not know someone, a business, or where things are, I get a little anxious and feel unsure. At least I get to and from dialysis safely. 

Dialysis went as smoothly as possible because my blood pressure went up and down during treatment. I came into the clinic at 91.5 (kilograms) and left the clinic at the same weight, 91.5 (kilograms). It was a little nerving, but the dialysis machine cleaned my blood from toxins and wastes, and I could be dialyzed for the entire three hours. With my BP going up and down, the dialysis machine had to be put in minimum of three separate times. It was a little frustrating, but today was better than last Saturday when the dialysis machine could only clean my blood because my BP was below 100/50 the entire treatment. Today turned out to be getting some toxins and wastes out and cleaning the blood simultaneously with my BP going up and down and the machine being put to minimum. Dialysis can go fine or not go well at all. 

Because my ride did not get to me until 8:45 AM, getting hooked up to the dialysis machine, I got out of the clinic between 12:15 and 12:30 PM. S the technician (female) had put my time at three hours and thirty minutes when I am only dialyzed for three hours a session. I still got out on time because nurse S fixed the time when one hour and five minutes did not seem right to us. When Nurse S changed the time (set), I had thirty minutes left. Technician S unhooked me from the machine, and S the technician could not get the recliner down, so S the technician was on my right side, Nurse P was on my left side, and L the technician was holding onto the recliner behind me. S and P said to trust them, L said she had the chair stable, and S and P helped me slide to the end of the recliner, and I went on foot out the door. The recliner does not work right (broken but useable because there is no chair to replace it)

I cannot complain about how dialysis went today. I am glad I have my dialysis weekend and I just have to watch my fluids for the next two and a half days.

The Rest of My Day and Closing Shop Early Tonight

A lot happened today. DH went grocery shopping for me and got everything, forgetting the green olives. No big deal. The item was not written in stone because when DH called at 9:51 AM, she was already at the store getting my groceries. It was okay that she did not get the olives. When she got here at 11 AM and began working by putting the groceries away, made breakfast of fried egg, turkey sausage, and cheese on a wheat bagel. While I was eating, she got my laundry ready to be done downstairs and got my laundry in the washer and dryer without any problems. My bed sheets were done, the dresses that I wore on Tuesday and Thursday were washed as well as wash cloths and towels used for my weekly baths. After the laundry was done, I had a quick bath and got dressed for the rest of the day and Saturday for dialysis, and the rest of my weekend. She made lunch of ony beef hotdog on a wheat hotdog bun with mustard and ketchup, sauerkraut, and banana pepper. I have to say that DH is a very good cook. I scarfed my breakfast and lunch in less than 20 minutes! After making lunch, she kept Magic Kitty occupied by playing with him while she waited for the laundry to dry in the downstairs laundry room. She then, when getting the laundry back up to my apartment, she folded and put laundry away, and asked me if she could take the time to sort my socks because I have some socks that do not have their pair with them. I do not like wearing socks any time of the year. I like my feet free of cover, even when I am wearing my brace and shoes every day. I cannot walk about my apartment or go anywhere without wearing my brace and shoes these days. My right foot is changing medically now that I am getting older. After DH sorted my socks, she left for the day and weekend. 

My friend JM came while DH was finishing her job. Both of us watched an episode of Murder Comes to Town together and chatted about our day. JM stayed until a little after 3:30 PM after an episode was finished and she got my evening medicine put it a medicine bottle for me to take at the time I take my meds at night. I have enjoyed the last part of my afternoon reading and watching Murder Comes to Town and relax. Meds taken and getting ready to rest is a must in my house. I had to take some stool softener today because my bowels can get too uncomfortable. My bowels are setting down now. Why did I mention my bowels? Oh, dear Lord! Please forgive me for being so open. 

I am going to go for the rest of the night. I am closing shop early tonight so I can read before Sabbath and relax for the evening. My tummy is full of breakfast and lunch, and I am getting tired from my day as well. I have had a fairly good week this week with some anxiety at the helm, but I have been managing. I want to have a good sleep tonight because I need all my strength for tomorrow morning and afternoon because I need to get out of my apartment by myself in the morning and afternoon. DH must go out of town with her son TH so she cannot help me tomorrow. JO cannot help me right now because she has a lot on her mind and has to get prepared for her upcoming week of therapy with counselors. Good night early. I have a project that will be done tomorrow. Good night. 

Animal Magnetism? What A Weird Dream This Was & Morning Thoughts

For some reason, my dreams can make sense and cannot make sense simultaneously. I had one of those dreams the night before last, which scared me a little bit. Let me talk about it. 

The apartment I am living in now makes me very happy, but in my dream, I had a different apartment elsewhere, and when my dream began, it started when I was trying to lock my door so that I could run an errand. I had the keys in my left hand, and I was putting the keys in what I thought was the lock. As I turned to the right, the door would reopen. I turned the key in the other direction, and the door opened again. As I took the key out of the supposed lock, a woman came to see about helping me. The door was shut, and she took my keys and put them in the right lock, and locked the door. As she was doing so, a man was on the other side of the door fiddling with the doorway at the top where it closed. How the guy got in or was fiddling with the door was confusing. He was not the maintenance or another tenant. With the door locked, I went on with my errands. 

The next thing I knew, I was carrying a poster and handing it into a building. My sign was of someone very familiar to me, and upon seeing the person on my poster, I went to her and showed her what my poster contained. She looked at my sign and told me it was all wrong and that it was not going to work, so were performed on the poster to make it right. The poster never got done right, and I could not show it off to others at the so-called fair I was having. The so-called fair was exciting, and I saw interesting people there that did not entirely act human in some cases. I realized that my person was not quite human either. I returned to my apartment, shut the door quickly, locked it, and leaned against the door with some relief that I was not out in the strangeness of the world of humans acting like animals. The man in my apartment mysteriously was putting protective materials on my doors and windows so the humans who could turn into animals could not harm me. 

oday is dialysis, and for the first time in a while, I have no one to help me in a bit; I have no one here to help me this morning. I am entirely on my own this morning. Am I frightened? Nervous? I want to say no, but then I would be fibbing. I have gotten to where I needed to go a few times this summer while visiting my friend DC on the first floor. I find it somewhat challenging on days when I have aches and pains, but I manage with success in the end, and of course, it depends on what Magic Kitty is doing at the time. 

When I have a day when no one is here to help exit my apartment, I want to set myself enough time to prepare things for my morning. I want to ensure that I am correctly dressed and decent, take my medications have time to work on my projects before I go for the day. With my arms being chronically sore, I must give myself plenty of time to get it done effectively.  What takes another person seconds to do can take me a few minutes longer to do, given how the day starts. Sometimes I have good days, while others are quite challenging. I find myself frustrated at times as well when getting ready can be a chore than what it is some days. Today, it took a few minutes longer than usual. My dress would get past my shorts for fifteen minutes or so. I need to wear shorts under my dresses at dialysis, so no one has a free peep show seeing my underwear because sitting in dialysis chairs is uncomfortable. I have been told that I do not sit like a lady. 

What are my plans for the day? Dialysis treatment, getting home to relax and have a bite to eat, having company over to worship and chat. I know my friend JM will be here after she gets off work. I am unsure about my boyfriend and his mom coming because this was her vacation week, and they were going to make day trips. I have not been able to get a hold of them, but JM will be here to be with me for a while. I have no major plans this weekend. I will take advantage to relax, read, watch TV or have a marathon of shows going. With dialysis ending this weekend after treatment ends, I have no therapy until next Tuesday, July 12, 2022, which starts a new week of treatment. I am praying to God that treatment goes well this morning. 

It is time for me to sign off for the time being. I must leave in a few minutes to get out the door safely and surely. Magic is a good cat, and I have the chance to get out of my apartment with him sleeping in the bedroom—goodbye for now. 

June 7, 2022 Dialysis Update & July 8, 2022 Morning Thoughts and Happenings

GAMBO Dialysis Machine

I am in good spirts today. Dialysis went smoothly today. Out of 3.0 kilograms of fluid and toxins and wastes, the machine allowed me to get 2.6 kilograms out. Pretty good. I had 3.5+ kilograms in me. My BP was low at times, but it stayed above 100/50 most of the time. It is hard to get a decent blood pressure in the leg sometimes. Also, getting a blood pressure can be challenging period. With kidney disease, blood pressure can be hard to get a precise record because the pulses can be weak. It can be frustrating for the patient and the technicians who taking care of you. 

I did not sit in chair #4 today. I was in chair #1 for the first time a while. I kept myself busy reading and answering texts. The chair is next to the nurses’ station, and I need to be a little more quiet than usual because not everyone in the first round have not all been discharged from treatment yet. I am always there before 9 AM, so I have been getting on early and done early. Sitting in chair #1 is a big treat once in a while. 

Hello and good morning, although late, and I have been up since 6:30 AM getting myself to the bathroom and then taking my meds. I have been working on my projects since 7:30 AM that when the phone rang and the caller was DH, I saw that it was 9:51 AM. Yep, time went by so quickly that the last two and a half hours passed. It is one of those days that are going to go by quickly. It also means that my weekend should be a good one. My weekend begins at sundown Friday night to sundown Saturday, then my dialysis weekend begins as soon as I leave the clinic until my next dialysis treatment begins a new week of treatments. I do not have any plans for the day except have a bath and get dressed for the day and tomorrow, have breakfast and lunch while DH is here for a while. Most of the cleaning and vacuuming were done yesterday, so today should be an easy day for DH. I will be working on my projects online, read, and watch Murder Come to Town all day. JM will be here after work between 2 and 2:30 PM if I do not hear differently in the meantime. JM comes over three times a week to visit and make sure my Pria medicine is up to date with my meds as it needs to be refilled every week. Otherwise, I have no major plans today. 

I have read Evidence of Love: A Murder in a Small Town. Love Lies: A True Story of Marriage and Murder in the Suburbs, and now I am reading The Good Wife. The two books read before The Good Wife have been read in so many days that the past three weeks that there have been a lot of reading. I love to read. The stories, based on true stories, have been good reads. When I get lost in the story and time passes quickly, I get startled when I get back to the world, I am living in. I have read up to twelve chapters of The Good Wife in the past four days. Since I have not found who is the killer in The Good Wife, I have to say that I am wondering if the victim’s husband has anything to do with his wife’s murder. From what I have read so far, the victim’s husband has acting strange as if he has been dealing with a mid-like crisis at the age of 55 to his wife’s concern and emotional difficulties. I love stories like this—mystery with judicial courts involved. I love to read period. 

I am looking forward to the weekend beginning at sundown. I am taking it day by day right now because my typIcal daily schedule has changed slightly because JP is on vacation until Monday unless I hear differently over the weekend. My caregiver the past two weeks has been DH. She is doing a fantastic job. Her schedule in helping me has been Monday, Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and Friday. She helped me get out to get to my ride to my dialysis treatments this week. Tomorrow I am going to be getting out by myself to get to my ride downstairs. The door, at times when I have aches and pains, seems heavier than normal. I manage but it can be very frustrating at times because of my chronic ache and pain I deal with daily. Today I am feeling less ache and pain, and that is plus in my behalf at this hour. 

I will come back later. 

July 9, 2022 – Dialysis Update

Dialysis treatment went smoothly, although my blood pressure went down twice, and the machine had to put on minimum to clean blood. I came into the clinic at 91.5 kilograms and left at the same weight at 91.5 kilograms because the machine could only get .600 kilograms off and out of me today. At least my blood is clean at normal speed. Last Saturday, my blood was only cleaned because I had low blood pressure the entire session. Also, the speed of the machine was 200—below 250. Today, I got something off and cleaned, and the rate was 400. I have no complaints about dialysis treatment today. Now, my dialysis weekend has begun. 

I do have to admit that Saturdays are always a little more anxious for me than my Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have a company named Lavigne Bus Company to get me to take me to my appointments and back, but Saturday, I find that I do not know who is picking me up because the ride changes weekly. I ended up getting a company called Carepoint Transit. A company I do not know. I usually get You Buy We Fly, MMM, or All Aboard. The company that all these rides come from is called Veyo. When we need to get to an appointment, Veyo is called, and they find a vendor company to take us back home to the appointment. This is frustrating because I am not always ambulatory, especially after dialysis. I have always thought that calling a company that does medical rides was easier than having a middleman like Veyo. At least I get to dialysis every treatment most of the time. 

July 7, 2022 – A Good Day

Today was an incredibly good day. I got up at 5 AM to have time for myself before my caregiver DH got here at 6 AM to help me with a bath, get dressed, and out the door to go wait for my ride to my dialysis treatment. I always leave at 8 AM to get downstairs to wait for my ride to my appointments. Getting out my door can be quite challenging because Magic Kitty wants to go with me, and the door is heavy at times. When the door seems heavy, it is because of how much pain I have in my arms and legs from day to day. Yes, I do have aches and pains daily. Even my favorite blanket seems heavy when I have aches and pains that need Tylenol or tramadol. My aches and pains can be that bad at times. 

Dialysis went smoothly today. More details in Dialysis Updates. I got home from dialysis at 1 PM. DH and I got some things done in my apartment this afternoon as well. DH cleaned and vacuumed, did the dishes after making me grilled cheese and turkey sandwiches. The sandwiches were delicious and filling. We played with Magic Kitty for a while before she left for the day. 

Okay, I have watched my Monk, Murder, She Wrote, and Diagnosis Murder on HMM for the past several days, but this evening at 5 PM I decided to watch something else on the Roku channel. What did I watch? I decided to watch Murder in a Small Town documentary all evening and throughout the night. I have no idea why I like shows like this documentary. I have been thinking about it and produced an answer that might not be too surprising or not surprising at all. The reason I like shows like Murder in a Small Town is because I want to see what judicial justice for the murdered victims is for the killers. In other words, I want to see the killers pay for the crime they committed. I love watching shows that deal with medical as well. I love a good mystery. Speaking of mystery, I have read two good books lately. 

I love to read and get lost in a story from time to time. I have read Evidence of Love: A Murder in a Small Town that detailed the true story of Candance Montgomery and Betty Gore. I have finished reading another true story titled Love Lies: A True Story of Marriage and Murder in the Suburbs. Now I am reading a story titled The Good Wife. The Good Wife is another true story about murder. I have read up to twelve chapters so far. I love a good mystery. I love to read, and I can read myself lost into the story that time goes by quickly and before I know it, it is time for me to do other things—maybe. 

It is time for me to say good night and close shop for the night. I need to take time to relax in hopes that I can get decent sleep. Good night and goodbye for now, and I will be back tomorrow morning. 

News & Diary for July 6, 2022

Parents of 8-Year-Old Were Accused of Her Murder. Now, So Are 12 More People. (msn.com)

I could only go so far reading this article. My heart goes out to the victim, now dead, and what this girl’s parents and friends did makes me angry. Jail time will fit this crime, although the judicial system is broken at times, the parents and twelve others involved deserve jail time. How long the judge and jury determine their jail time is up to those who are dealing with the case. With the judicial system broken and sometimes unfair, the heavenly government where God is better. I know this because I have seen death and illness at an early age as well as in the here, now, and what is going on right now in our lives would not wished upon those I have lost to see what is happening today.

Sometimes I find myself dealing with y a lot of thought, and by the time I want to share my thoughts in my diary, my thoughts are a jumbled mess, and I have no idea where to begin. Today is one of those days. Where do I begin? I have no idea now. I have taken the time to read a couple of chapters in the book I am reading to give my mind a little break before getting back to my journaling of the day. Sometimes I take time away from journaling to rest my mind. Today, my mind is not resting. I had been up since 3:30 AM and could not sleep, so I watched Monk on HMM and took a 25-to-30-minute nap between 6 and 7 AM while Murder, She Wrote was airing on HMM—after Monk, back-to-back episodes from 2 AM to 6 AM. I have no idea why sleep was not found between 3:30 and 7 AM, but I know that my mind has been on a lot of things lately 

When I had a rough morning at dialysis Saturday, I felt that I would have another rough morning at dialysis again Tuesday. As it should be daily, I have decided to allow God to take the helm of the boat and guide me where he sees fit. I talked to God about the need to cry Saturday during dialysis because my blood pressure never got above 100/50, so the technician S had the machine set up to clean my blood. I was frustrated. No fluid could be removed. I was 92.0 kilograms when I got to the clinic and left at a weight that would not record on the scale, so technician S recorded it at 92.0. I was getting upset because Sunday was going to be my 52nd birthday, and I had plans to eat at Texas Roadhouse with my boyfriend KB and his mom TB. Technician S told me what I could do to enjoy my birthday. Patients must watch their fluid intake with kidney disease and be on dialysis three times a week. I am allotted 34 oz (about 1.01 L) of fluid daily. As strange as it may sound, certain condiments are considered fluid. Those condiments are sour cream, salad dressing, ice cream, popsicles, and ice cubes. As a patient who watches her fluid intake most of the time, technician S helped me find a way to enjoy my birthday at Texas Roadhouse, and I followed her advice without pooing it off as ‘I do not care.’ I took her seriously. Tuesday, yesterday, proved to be a good dialysis day without any significant problems. I am praying that tomorrow goes smoothly for dialysis treatment well. 

My next thought, still on dialysis in a way, I have gotten to know other patients who go to treatment. This year, in February, a patient who became a good friend died because of a brain aneurysm. I was shocked when I learned of her death. Before K (female), the social worker told me that JA had passed away, I got a call from an unknown number. When K told me that JA died, the anonymous caller was JA’s husband calling me to say to me. My planet, although still spinning, was all spinning in slow motion as if I were watching a filmstrip in front of me. Memories of getting to know JA in the past year and a half before her death. Do I make sense? Enough said about JA for now. 

A new patient comes in on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday shortly after I arrive. Her name is J, and I have mixed feelings about her for reasons I will try to explain the best I can. I am not sure if I like her or not because she does rub me the wrong way. When she talks, she is loud that you can hear her conversations with the technicians. It is not easy ignoring any conversation I hear in the pod. The social worker scolded me on the day when I got to the clinic. Someone complained about me. I want to know who complained, but I do not want to get upset again. I do not wish to discover that it was one of the female technicians, J, or T (female). I have kept to myself more in my little corner reading or closing my eyes from the room’s lights; twelve dialyzers are at work. Anyway, I have tried to say hello to J, but she does respond as if she is ignoring me because I am talking loud enough. I understand that we as patients have different walks of life and why we have a reason to be on dialysis, but not responding to my hello hurts me. My heart aches. I am not looking for a friendship; I am asking for respect. 

J comes across as snobbish and self-absorbed, talking to the technicians more than the technicians speak to the other patients. Also, the technicians talk to her as if they have known her for a long time. I am not jealous but care that the clinic runs well. At times, not everyone at the clinic knows me, and J does not know me because she has been dialyzing for a month or so. Two technicians do know me. That is, technicians S and T (female). S & T are roommates and have been co-workers at their previous job as phlebotomists. I am grateful for these two techs. 

Now I am off the soapbox about the dialysis clinic. What is next? My birthday. I had a wonderful day. I went to Texas Roadhouse for my birthday with my boyfriend KB and his mom TB; then, we chatted for a while before they left for the day. I watched a program on the Roku channel, took an unexpected nap, and went to bed late. I heard from family by phone, and on Facebook, I heard from friends and family who wished me a happy birthday. I got two birthday cards from friends, too. Hearing from family and friends on my birthday made my day what it was—an enjoyable day. I did not have room for disappointment; although I wanted to hear from a few friends on Facebook, it did not happen. I am on Facebook from time to time. I am not on Facebook all day. 

July 4 was a day of rain and thunderstorms through the day and night. Despite the rain and thunderstorms, neighbors still shot off fireworks—crazy people. The city fireworks were canceled and rescheduled for July 10. My night was rough because the fireworks were shot off at 1 AM. What happened to the curfew at midnight? I see that some people do not care. Even when the night continued, and there was a break from the rain, tenants were out front talking about something. Hearing voices outside late at night at Garden Court often happens because there are tenants who stay up late. I am glad that my windows were closed. The rain would have come in, and hearing the fireworks being shot off would have been louder. As far as tenants sitting outside after 10 PM, that is expected in an apartment complex. Garden Court happens to be a wonderful place to live, even though I have seen tenants move out. I have seen a couple of tenants moving in. This place has a more significant turnover of tenants coming and going than Burbank Plaza. Burbank Plaza is now just a memory of my life in the 23 years I lived there. I love it at Garden Court. 

With JP gone until Monday, I have had DH come over and help me with my cares for the day. Her schedule has been different, but I have been managing the days she has not been; she days not been here on Wednesdays for the past two weeks because she was babysitting for the family. I have been taking advantage of Wednesday and enjoying my free time with nothing planned. I still cannot wait for JP to return from her vacation in Michigan. Getting back into my routine will be great after having some changes in my routine that are temporary. I have a feeling that JP not being here has caused some anxiety. 

July is the month something unpleasant happened that caused a break in my routine for three weeks. It is remembered because shortly after, my favorite caregiver left angry and did not want any contact with me. I understand that I did something that caused her to be angry, but how she handled, it was very hurtful. Although I apologized with genuine emotion and conviction, she would not hear it and called me a liar, put my keys on the kitchen table, and walked out the door, slamming it in the process. I became numb and thought, ‘what just happened?’ With DKF professing to be Christian, her actions and words were not coming out of Christian’s mouth, but someone who turned into someone who truly hated me. I never saw DKF again until the day she came to bring something of mine—my disabled parking card. I did not see her or her husband again until my boyfriend KB, his mom TB, and I went to Wal-Mart after lunch. DKF and SF were walking toward me, and she gave a dirty look while he purposely turned his head, so he looked away from me. Their actions were obvious, hurtful, and childish. They were not acting like Christians—their loss now. When this happened, I did not know that a turn of events would happen, and I was getting away from Burbank Plaza for good and starting a new life at Garden Court. 

Weeks and days to moving to Garden Court were a countdown until the day I left Burbank Plaza for good. Leaving Burbank after 23 years became a reality after my happiness waned into depression and dread of returning after leaving the building. The only reason that made me smile coming and going was to go. I was not content at Burbank Plaza anymore. My cat Bing passed away the year before; I got Magic kitty a few days after Bing died; I got Magic from the humane society when he was five months old. The neighbors at Burbank Plaza have never visited anymore. I kept to myself, and the time came to move on October 1, 2021; I left Burbank Plaza behind to start a new life. Yes, last year was emotional, but today I can see what happened last summer is now a blessing because I am very happy in my new home. I cannot ask for more today.fe 

Since moving to Garden Court, I have found my happy place, my home, and I do not feel dread when I return from my dialysis treatment or running an errand. When I saw my apartment for the first time, it was the day I moved in, and when I saw that I had a hallway, I got excited. I believe a home needs to have a hallway to be home. Yes, I live in an apartment, but it is home because I have a hallway, LOL. I love it. Unlike Burbank Plaza, with management living onsite, Garden Court’s management work Monday through Friday and goes home after work. We do not have management residing in the building. I find Garden Court’s management friendly. We had a manager leave, and a new manager came and learned the ropes. The new manager has been a victim of gossip, and I know that not all the tenants like her. Because I am not downstairs in the lobby talking with other tenants, I do not have problems with management. I would rather keep to myself and not be a part of the gossip in an apartment complex. When I moved here on October 1, 2021, I planned to come and go and keep to myself. 

Okay, I know that I wrote a lot today. I have shown how my brain/mind works, and it can be frustrating to have my mind stuck on what to say and when. At least I have gotten it out, and it took a few hours to get organized to write about my mind’s thoughts. My Life in Words has become Chapters of My Life. Yep, it has changed, and a good change it is, too. 

Must go. Good night. I am getting tired and sleepy. I will be back tomorrow—Thursday, after I get home from dialysis treatment. Goodbye for now. 

July 5, 2022 – Dialysis Update

GAMBRO Dialysis Machine

I felt that dialysis treatment would be wonky today, but treatment went well. My machine did not have any problems. The catheter behaved after technician S troubleshot its issue. I did not have any alarms because my blood pressure was below 100/50. It alarmed a couple of times because the bottom number was below 50. I had come in at 91.7 kilograms and left below my dry weight, which is 90.5 kilograms. The machine was set up to filter out 2.0 kilograms of fluid and toxins. I was impressed that the dialysis treatment went smoothly. 

Since last Tuesday, I have wanted to talk to Dr. A, and I got the chance today. I told him what happened Saturday. He told me that I could take medicine an hour before going to treatment to keep my blood pressure above 100/50, and if I needed to have another dose during treatment, it could be done. We also discussed that I have not been withholding extra fluid. Because of the summer heat and humidity, I have not had excess fluid weight gain. From Saturday to today, it has been hot, muggy, and humid in Wisconsin, and what I drink or eat is considered liquid—ice cream, sour cream, ice cube popsicles, soda, water, juice, milk, etc.–seemed not to affect me this weekend. I did not understand right away, but when Dr. A mentioned the hot weather, I said, ‘well, duh,’ silently. I felt embarrassed. Dr. A said that I was doing great. He told me about a procedure, and he is going to see if I am a candidate or not. Technician T spoke to me about sharing information about having a leg graft so I can understand it better and decide what to do—no pressure. As far as Technician T goes as a human being, he is a decent young man who cares about others. I have reservations about having a leg graft because I have had two grafts placed in my arms that clotted and became unusable, as well as not being able to be fixed. The graft in my right arm did not even get used because it began to clot a few days after it was placed. The graft in my left arm was repaired twice, but it clotted in six hours later the second time it was fixed. I returned to the catheter nine months after the graft (left arm) quit working. Dr. A left, and I relaxed the rest of my treatment the best I could. 

Dialysis ended three hours later, and I got home by 1 PM, had lunch, and saw my friend JM after she got off work for the day. I often remind myself that I have had dialysis for four years, yet I am not ready for a second kidney transplant. I have become a private person—more so than a year ago—to this day. Why? I have had my transplanted kidney for thirty-one years; my donor was my mom. The memory of my first transplant, although pleasant, my second kidney may not be as good as my mom’s has been all those years before, and I do not feel comfortable with how patients get on the transplant list. In a way, telling Dr. A that I am protesting about the covid vaccine and boosters—be a choice and not be forced. 

It has been an excellent dialysis day. I had allowed the technicians and God to do their jobs. I need to let God do what he does best—guide and take my health into his hands more. When I allow God to rule the day, my world seems to spin precisely right. My anxiousness is not there. Yes, I have been anxious again. 

I Needed to Get it Out Before it Ate Me Alive

Diary

I have been up since 5:30 AM. I did not get a lot of sleep, but I have to admit I got some. With yesterday being the 4th of July, as well as the thunderstorm we had, neighbors were shooting off fireworks all evening. Our city fireworks were cancelled because of the rain and will be for another day this month from what I was told. I do not go to the fireworks show anymore because I get my fill of the noise throughout the month. As the day continued into the evening, neighbors, even though I live downtown, were outside shooting off fireworks. I have to say that I have some remarkably interesting neighbors. Shooting off fireworks in the rain does not stop some people. I get it. 

When it comes to rainstorms with thunder, I do not sleep well because the lightning and thunder keep me awake and last night, we were having warnings of real bad weather around us and even our county and city. It was a rainy night. No matter the weather, Magic Kitty was watching the world outside, rain, thunder and lightning did not frighten him whatsoever. He got playful with my feet for only two seconds because he has some sharp teeth, LOL. 

Sleep did not happen until after 1 AM here last night. It was because of the storm and fireworks being shot off. Even after 1 AM, I heard neighbors outside talking. My living room and bedroom windows face the river, and the United Way building is across the street in front of the river—the west side of the building. Garden Court is not a square building and I have no idea what the shape really is, but it is definitely different. 

With yesterday being a holiday, my caregiver DH still came over. I had a bath, got into something comfortable with the idea of getting dressed this morning for dialysis. I had finished my tuna melt that I had Friday for lunch. I ate only half a sandwich Friday but polished it off at lunch. It was delicious. I thought it tasted better the second time around actually. DH did the dishes, checked Magic’s litter box, made sure he had plenty of food and water. He tends to tip his water dish over on the floor so his water dish is in the sink, and yes, he will sometimes do it on purpose, LOL. We chatted for a while and watched Diagnosis Murder and after 1 PM, she left for the day. 

Magic 

I know I have not written about Magic in a while, but there was nothing new to share. That is not entirely true. I do have something new to share and I hope my doing so does not jinx my baby boy kitty into remarkably interesting behavior. With Magic, adopted October 4, 2020, and brought to his new home October 6, 2020, Magic has endured a lot in his first two years of life this far. Yes, he’s two now. Watching him grow up from five months to the present time, the past several days has been an immense joy. His behavior as a kitten is still there once in a while, but he has been good. He seems to take to DH very well. His wild days have been few to none. Has he matured? He is maturing—becoming an obedient cat. I have been praising him for doing something nice or good, we have been snuggling and cuddling a little more and longer. He does it on his time. The other day he cuddled with me three separate times of the day which I found very therapeutic and relaxing. In fact, I found it shocking at first because Magic is very independent and can be talkative when we usually have company. I love him so much and will continue to praise and (discipline when necessary). I even have decided to allow Magic to open the coat closet whenever he wants, too. 

Magic still sleeps on his bed in the bedroom. He will sleep on my bed every now and then as well as lay on the cat blanket that is on the floor by my bed. I do not force him to sit on my lap or be out in the living room with me because a cat needs its privacy just as much as us humans do daily. He is my fur baby and I love him very much. 

What Do I Expect Today? 

I am leaving my dialysis treatment today up to the technicians, nurses, and doctors today—along with in God’s hands. I hope that treatment does go better today, though. Saturday was a day of disappointment that the tears wanted to come, I wanted to cry. As far as the weather is concerned, we are expecting more storms this afternoon, and I pray that my neighbors will be safe for the day and night. With the storms last night, we were kept informed about how bad the weather was in our city and surrounding counties. It was a long night along with the fact that it was also a holiday. More another time—later today or in the week.