My Hallucinated State of Mind: What Happened

Hell. I have a story to tell you. It happened two years ago — April 24 – May 6, 2019. It was one of those weeks that was scary, confusing, and I don’t remember much of what was going on around me. Please understand that I do remember what was happening in the world I was in — I thought it was real and happening. The anniversary of my hospital visit reminded me about it as if it happened right now.

I believe my story began on Sunday, a couple of days after being admitted into the hospital to begin dialysis — hemodialysis for the first time after thirty-one years. I had a kidney transplant 1988 and the kidney has begun to shut down.

I was sitting in my room. I called my boyfriend’s Mom to help me pray because I was seeing the ceiling become wet with water and the water was acting like rain; I was feeling drops of water land on my Head. I thought that I was an evil spirit. As my boyfriend’s Mom and I prayed, the wetness and water disappeared for a short time, but it would come back. I hung up with her and got up. As I was using my walker, I was having difficulty with it. It kept trying to go in a different direction. I wanted to get someone. As I was doing what I was planning to do, the nurses opened my door and I had fallen against the wall. After falling, I do not remember being placed back on my bed, having my head checked or having a catheter in my private to collect urine. My week in the hospital didn’t end there. It got worse.

I Heard Famaliar Voices in the hallway. My pastor’s and JM. They were praying because of an evil spirit on the floor. The one that I Though I had. They were reaOne that here.

The Ceiling and the Call Button

(I am not talking about you Lionel Richie’s song Dancing on the ceiling nor the fact that I was on the ceiling, but I wish I was at this point. I love that song; I love to dance, and the fans were filthy.)

I was seeing and hearing smoke coming out of the ceiling fans and it also smelled like it was from a big fire that had been distinguished. . . In other words, I thought I was being invaded by smoke because something was happening in the hospital — above me. I was seeing a thick cloud of smoke and it smelled like it was once a smoldering bushfire. fire. I grabbed the call button. The call button then began to spark and melt in my hand as if it was burning in the fireplace. The sparks made throw call button somewhere. The call button was not my friend at the moment.

The Hissing Sound

Then I heard another sound that was coming from where oxygen is hooked up. I wasn’t using oxygen but the hissing I was hearing was coming from behind me. We all know what happens when smoke and oxygen mix — kaboom! Am I right? I was very scared.

Taking A Moment to Explain

I am expecting a lot by this point and it seemed real. I had thought that an evil spirit was attacking me. I am beginning to hear voices at this point. All because of Ativan, I was experiencing things I never experienced before.

Transparent People

This is where it vegan to get real bad. I was starting to see people in my room and they would speak in quiet and hushed tones. Why were other people in my room or why there? It was frustrating. They had a bluish tint surrounding by white. One of the girls wasn’t a nurse nor anyone I knew. She was reading a book. I asked her for her name and what was she reading. She didn’t even tell me her name or say what she was reading. She nodded and looking at me. She looked like a woman from a different era once I saw her face. Even though she was transparent, I saw that she was wearing a dress similar to the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. It was beautiful as if it was for the families with good money.

It continues to get worse.

I never left the room. My story doesn’t end here. More to come.

More people were invading my space and room. I was beginning to notice that my room was starting to change a little and I was in a bed that would be moving slowly, and it was frightening.

More Voices and Sounds

This part was freakish. I am not in the real world by this time. I heard other voices and sounds. I even heard a mother speak to her children who were playing noisily in a house. The mother told the children it was time to eat dinner. Now, remember that I am in my hospital room having treatment started because I have kidney disease. I am seeing and hearing these sounds because of a drug that the doctor(s) put me on. I am, at this point, lost in my own world. This is where I am no longer remembering my dialysis treatments and the doctor and nurse talking to DKF while she visited. I remember the fall and the rest is like a bad dream.

As I sit here telling you what I saw, please remember that I’m hallucinating and it is because I have been taking a medication ordered by the doctors for blood pressure. Ativan was the drug.

Preaching Kindness Over the Airways

(Hallucinations were not letting up. They were getting worse. As I sit here remembering what happened, preaching kindness over the airways was one of my worst. Meeting President Trump and Dr. Phil. President Trump was on the TV having a conference in finding a way to help Janesville, while my preaching went over the airwaves. I had a microphone, I was sitting at a table talking about being kind to others no matter what brought you to God, what your political standpoint you had, and at this time there was a missile fighting with the tornado siren in animation.

Meeting the President and Dr. Phil

(Please remember that this is during my hallucinated state)

While I was preaching to be kind, the President was on TV announcing that we were having a crisis in Janesville, Wisconsin. I was tell people to let me pray and say what I needed to say. (not knowing how loud I was). How in the world could DKF and her husband SF put up with me during this time still baffles me. The President did come and saw what was happening. I met him but was not able to get to him because doors kept slamming and locking.

When I asked Dr. Phil “Aren’t we dead?”, he looked at me in a way that told me I should not have said that. We were being taken to safety for some reason, and where we went was to the capital. President Trump was going to find a safe place for us.

Bombs and Missiles

In my hallucinating state, I saw bombs and missiles hitting the hospital outside the window, behind me, and it was dark outside. The darkest was because it was night. How I was seeing bombs and missiles behind me hitting other parts of the hospital. There are no windows in the wall that has everything the nurse and doctors to there disposal: oxygen, plugs for electrical needs. Even in hallucinated staten, I saw that my apartment building burned down and my cat Bing died. In reality it didn’t burn down, and Bing lived another year-end a half before he died from old age.

A Transparent Cat

I had a cat in my hallucinative state come. He would be walking in the air and meow. If I was having trouble breathing, he would come to me and his body would help me breathe. He did his best at protecting me from harm. This cat was the only thing that was not malicious, mean. Every now and then, when Bing was alive and jumping On the bed, I would feel it. In my state of mind at this time, I would feel a cat jump on my bed. I would look and nothing was there.

The Camera

The camera had to be in my room so the nurses can watch me. I was getting up and trying to get out of bed. Doing that, I would set off the alarm they turned on for my safety. The camera became ahead and cap that talk to me and tell me to harm myself in a whisper. The light on the camera indicating it’s plugged in would shoot out little fires onto my bed, and I would be hitting them to put them out. The head and hat would laugh and look evil at me. The cat would come and help me.

The Door

The hospital door would slam shut, and what is holding the door open at the top would come off as the screws would come out. The hinges would give way one by one as the door would shut and cannot be opened from the outside. There would be someone on the other side trying to get the door to budge with electric tools. The door would open so far and not budge anymore.

Taking Time to Chat

Remembering what happened to me two years ago was an experience I don’t want to experience again. I was under the influence of a drug that I’ve learned that others cannot take as well. I was not myself. I saw and heard things I could say was not all good. I didn’t know what was real or not. What scared me the most was when I came back to reality I thought that I didn’t have a place to go anymore, and Bing was gone. DKF and SF told me that Bing was OK because they were going over there to see him, feed him, and give him treats and attention.

During my hallucinations, I had strange dreams, and it felt so real moving slowly in my bed, and thinking I was being poisoned by the nurses. I never left the hospital room at anytime, nor did I leave the bed. My dreams and hallucinations seemed to mesh together at times. It was scary.