Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

I have been having bad days lately. It has been a few days itsince I have written much because I am not in the mood to write. I have been dealing with a brain that seems to be filled with what people think what I am thinking Inside my head. People do not do that to me because it makes me feel like shit—literally like shit that runs out of us when we are sick with diarrhea. I wish people would stop it with me! It happened today! I wish people would stop thinking that I am doing something on purpose when I am not thinking that way. Ok, I said what I am needed to say today!

No Dialysis Today Due to Weather

I stayed home because the weather advisory was bad outside. My caregivers would no have made it to my place by 3 PM because of the snowstorm we were having today. Weather advisory is until noon Saturday Sabbath afternoon. I was planning on going to church on Zoom, but it depends on my mood in feeling like crap right now emotionally and I am exhausted from little to no sleep lately. My Seroquel is doing bad things. I have gotten to point that I can’t trust Mercy Health period. I don’t want Dr. Anjum to be my doctor anymore. I wand to leave Mercy all the way and stick with UW Hospital and Clinics and SSM Health Services—even counseling. I feel I need to say goodbye to. It’s not my day or night right now period! Ugh or my goodness!! What can I do for myself? I feel helpless!!t

Deb has been here from 7:30 AM to 9:30 AM. Due to weather, Jackie won’t be here today. Damn it! This is going to be a horrible weekend! No one seems to understand me at this time when my brain goes into hyper anxiety mode and overthinks things causing me to think negatively. It is beginning tonight. I  am not in the best frame of mind right now. More tomorrow.

 My Afternoon at Home

With Deb gone and babysitting her nephews at a relative’s home until 12:00 PM, Jackie is here for the day. I’ve decided to watch Chicago Med on Peacock TV all day and night. We are expecting another snowstorm tomorrow, and my getting to the dialysis center may be questionable for now. Will I be going tomorrow? Will wait and see in the morning. Deb will be here by 7:30 AM.

Night

Been a ‘do nothing’ day, I am going to say good night right now. The door is locked with the closed sign showing in the window of my shop. It was a good ‘do nothing’ day for me. Jackie and I napped and watched tv all day. I have a feeling that my day tomorrow will be spent at home and I’m not going anywhere while maintenance shovels the walkways around the Garden Court building. The snowplows will be busy working tomorrow during the snowstorm. Otherwise, the snowstorm is going be doing their jobs tomorrow through the city streets after the storm are going to be happen throughout the day. I have to wait for the verdict from Debbie in the morning. Hmmm? It’s time to say anything right no. It looks like my time is going to come shorter by the day, peeps. Z ❤️

I found out earlier this week that we are expecting more snow on Friday from Debbie and was reminded of if today by Jackie. With my anxiety going up and down these days, I have no patience in reminders and more worries to put In my mind, people! I don’t like snow much anymore. I love it when it is falling beautifully to the ground, but going out it in it is no fun anymore. Falls and spinouts are no fun these days as an adult, abc with my power chair, I don’t like driving on snowy patches with ice underneath.

Today is a ‘do nothing day’. I am lying in bed all day. Bathroom break and back to bed. It is one of those days, I guess.

Good Night, Peeps

It’s getting late. It’s time to say goodbye and close up shop for the night. The close sign is in the window and the door is locked, and I am in bed, tired and unable to move another muscle. I’m wiped out. I’m tired and ready for bed. Jackie has left for the day to return tomorrow by 9:30 AM. Tomorrow starts a new day.

.

Home

With the winter weather snow advisory out there, I got home safe and sound despite the day at dialysis. It was and has been a rough day. Now home safe and sound, I’m not looking forward to another snowstorm coming Friday! I don’t care for winter months when it comes to snow. The word ‘SNOW’ is a bad four letter word in my household. I can deal with rainstorms over snowstorms, and dialysis is NOT the reason why ‘SNOW’ is a bad word in my home, either. I don’t like snowstorms because my caregivers can’t make it for the day or are late. If I miss dialysis once in a while because of bad weather, there’s no problem with it. I have to watch my fluid intake and sodium intake until I can get there on my next dialysis say. I go in on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and the holidays are over until Thanksgiving again.

Dialysis Update

Dialysis is going smoothly, but for some reason my blood pressure is below 100/50, then they have to stop the machine from pulling anymore fluid but clean blood only. Then the nurse taking care of the patients in my pod #5 gives me a pill to raise my blood pressure and wait for a half an hour to see what my BP reads on the machine, and goes according to what my BP reads before either turning the machine back on or not. When fluid is not being pulled, my blood is only being cleaned.

My BP has been running low for the past several treatments and I saw Dr. Anjum on Monday, I forgot to ask about when I should take my BP meds if my BP runs below 100/50 during treatment. I have asked the nurse about sending him a message and the nurse said I will have to wait until Monday to talk to Dr. Anjum. When it comes to my BP, I thought that a nurse could send a message back to Dr. Anjum, so he can address it more quickly that way. I don’t mess with low or high BP period. Sure, give me a pill when it may not be the right thing to do. Yes, my BP has been running low lately, but the new machines are more sensitive than the older machines before we moved to the new clinic at the hospital. I will be talking to Jackie about this over the weekend. It’s not right to wait until Monday when my BP has been running low for the past week during treatment. I have a tendency to forget what I need to talk to Dr. Anjum about by next clinic visit on Mondays unless there is 5 Mondays in one month. Insurance does not pay for doctors seeing patients in the clinic. I find that kind of dumb. Dang insurance!

Now, with Friday on its way, I will have to wait until Monday. I’m not Jackie who writes notes for everything. I have a good memory, but when anxiety is high, and I have memory lapses that drive me crazy, and those lapses are anxiety-driven. I will be out of dialysis shortly. 

At Dialysis Clinic

Mandated Masks Again, too?

Well, I am at the clinic already. I got picked up at 10:48 AM. They have come early on Monday and today. Apparently, the mask mandate is back again . . . A new strain of covid out there, and other bugs, too. Not fun this time of year. It’s frustrating as all get out. Oh my goodness gracious. I’m waiting for my turn at the machine this morning. I feel tired because of the drug Seroquel and that feeling sucks when I need to get going somewhere for the day like today; I have dialysis, and walking onto and back off the scale is not easy although doable. I get frustrated really easy because I’m still unsteady at times. The tired feeling needs to go away soon enough, please. Jesus? Waiting for my turn for the machine . . .Masks mandated again?

Waiting to Leave for the Day

With the lift chair now in my bedroom, I am waiting for breakfast. Millie and I will enjoy our breakfast of egg sandwich, turkey sausage (I don’t eat pork sausage), pickles, and dipping sauces. Don’t worry, Millie eats sausage and a bit of egg and cheese. She is not given pickles and dipping sauce, and she loves sausage. My girl kitty loves people food, lol.

Seroquel

The med DOES NOT work for me. I am not returning to Dr. Boateng, and I cancelled the appt last night. I am going to be admitted into SSM Health from now on because Mercy Health has let me down lately, and dealing with administration and the social workers there has been a lack of communication with them. When I say no to nursing home MEANS no because I have a home. They did not listen to my no and got me upset and very emotional about it twist. No means I am going home. I have a life at HOME—Magic at the time.

Snow/Plow

Deb was telling me that after the inner-city streets are plowed, the resident street are then plowed. At first I found thsg unbelievable, but it’s indeed true. The residential streets are done last. I want to think differently but can’t do so anymore because it is very true. I am so happy that my dad and his wife are back in Wisconsin. In Arkansas, there are no snowplows!’

I’ve heard the plows on the street below, but I’m within city limits of the downtown area so the streets are done first before residential streets are plowed. 

Dressed for the Day

I am dressed for the day. Camouflage pants/Army, my pray shirt, shoes and brace on. I wear one shoe as my right brace is a tie dye boot to protect the foot from twisting as a regular foot brace will not work for the foot anymore. I can’t wear a bra because of the placement of the catheter would be interfering the flow of the catheter. I haven’t been able to for last week wear any type of bra for 20 years as well.

Waiting to Leave for the Day

With the lift chair now in my bedroom, I am waiting for breakfast. Millie and I will enjoy our breakfast of egg sandwich, turkey sausage (I don’t eat pork sausage), pickles, and dipping sauces. Don’t worry, Millie eats sausage and a bit of egg and cheese. She is not given pickles and dipping sauce, and she loves sausage. My girl kitty loves people food, lol.

Seroquel

The med DOES NOT work for me. I am not returning to Dr. Boateng, and I cancelled the appt last night. I am going to be admitted into SSM Health from now on because Mercy Health has let me down lately, and dealing with administration and the social workers there has been a lack of communication with them. When I say no to nursing home MEANS no because I have a home. They did not listen to my no and got me upset and very emotional about it twist. No means I am going home. I have a life at HOME—Magic at the time.

Snow/Plow

Deb was telling me that after the inner-city streets are plowed, the resident street are then plowed. At first I found thsg unbelievable, but it’s indeed true. The residential streets are done last. I want to think differently but can’t do so anymore because it is very true. I am so happy that my dad and his wife are back in Wisconsin. In Arkansas, there are no snowplows!’

I’ve heard the plows on the street below, but I’m within city limits of the downtown area so the streets are done first before residential streets are plowed.