Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

Waiting for my iPad and phone to charge to 100% now. It is taking a long time to charge my iPad today. It’s at 75% now at 5:46 PM

I am going to lay in bed all day. Yay! JP will be in and out from my place as age is helping my neighbor and friend with her place as she will lose her kitten Tux if she doesn’t clean her place up a bit because her place is really messy. I think it is waste of JP’s help, though. MH loves a messy apartment apparently. . .not JP’s helping her that bothers me right now. It is going to be wasted time helping MH. are you doing? MH has to clean regularly and make sure Tux’s litter box on a daily and regular basis. My kitty litter boxes get cleaned daily of their poopies and pee sessions, lol. Not funny, I know. All I am going to do is watch Midsomer Murders on Freevee or Pluto tv on my bedroom television, nap, and relax to eat my supper and snacks for the night. I have dialysis tomorrow on Sunday, December 31, 2023. After today, we have one day left of 2023. Then, on Monday, January 1, 2024, and Tuesday, I have my so-called weekend until Wednesday when the holidays will be over for the year, and my weekly routine and schedule will be back ON TRACK and regular again. No more closing the dialysis center for a while. I will be back to my regular schedule.

Abandonment Issues

I am dealing with abandonment issues or I am having difficulty dealing with it improperly. One of the two, right? Yeah, right! The little girl inside me we call Little One has been dealing with her mother abandoning her at age 12. She did not understand what abandonment meant when she was a teenager and when her mom move to Albuquerque, NM in 1982, because family made sure we saw mom on a regular basis and for Christmas in 1982, my brother GLK and I visited her for a few days while we were younger. Grandma and Grandpa Fox made sure that we talked to Mom often and on the weekends we spent the night. Abandonment was not even on my mind until my teenage years. One of the hardest for me was through the years was Mom coming to Wisconsin and leaving days later. Now, not seeing her since 2010 has been the hardest yet. My second cat Bing was a young cat the last time mom and LLL were both here for a few days as they bee-bopped up here with their camper to sleep in, and having their doggies with them. Now, the abandonment issue is back in full swing at my age of 53 because my mother has no reason to come visit Wisconsin. Ummm, mom, that hurts a lot being told this, and you not having enough money? I find that very hurtful. Since 2010, I haven’t seen you, mom! I think my mom is selfish and self-centered. It’s sad in my book of life these days. I have promised I wouldn’t be like my mother in anyway except for similar looks and voice. I sound like my mother a lot.

It has been one of those days that went smoothly for most of the day, but my caregiver called the clinic to talk to the nurse, and my mood changed to a meltdown because I felt JP was treating me like a baby. I wish she would have left it alone and leave things as is. I did not tell JP because it would have been a shouting match between us. We have been having them a lot lately and I want to fire her but can’t. Even, sometimes, what she does is wrong, and I want her gone when we get mad at each other. We are too much alike—like sisters who have separated for a reason. Sometimes I get the feeling she does not want to be here a lot, too. I still want to fire her!uugghh!

It was dialysis day, and JP and I were having, what I call it, another argument that set my mood into meltdown mode. I was not happy with tears rolling down my face. I am already stressed out from Thanksgiving to New Years, and to be honest, my anxiety and depression is in high mode lately. I am not on proper medication for my anxiety and many meltdowns, and JP doesn’t properly handle my meltdowns properly already. She can actually make it worse for me. That’s why I want to fire her a lot. Uugghh!

Another Thing Bugs Me Badly

There is a tenant I used to be friends with, but I am no longer friends with this neighbor. She has an attitude for ignoring you lately. I tried saying hello to her a couple of times while in passing, and JO ignores me both times. How rude and unusual of her. Oh, wait, I am talking about a young lady who I haven’t talked to in months anyway because she’s a liar, leaves her cat alone to be with her boyfriend who is blind and was idiot enough to give her drugs on top of her medication that caused her to get sick because medication reaction to what she takes for her issues, and sleeps with him. The giving of drugs, the recreational kind that are illegal in Wisconsin yet. Marijuana is a illegal drug at this time and a lot of people use it for pain even if it is illegal. JO gets it and lies about things that don’t make sense anymore. I can’t be friends with JO anymore and I am glad she is out of my life’s circle of friends and family today. She is a royal bitch these days anyway. After trying to say hello to her twice has given me no choice but to ignore her from now. Knowing she is two floors and an apartment above me makes me cringe at ti es because she’s been so very hateful and that hurts, and I want to cry because of her stupidity now. I have lost a friend because of her ways. Oh well. I’m done with her. Not saying hello to her anymore. 

Good Night Peeps

Time for me to say. . , good night.

Good Night Peeps!

Time to say . . . good night my peeps at Dear Diary tonight first and foremost. . . good night., peeps! Rims to close shop and flip the old open side to CLOSED for the day. GOOD NIGHT and good evening and good night, peeps! “Yawn” as Kristi stifles a big yawn. Good night and yawn. Love you all!

I will not argue about my day at how it went today. Being relieved at the idea that Millie DID NOT get to the cheese like I panicked and thought last night was neither a blessing nor a happenstance to be very honest. It was, to me, a miracle in so many ways in my life TODAY AND LAST NIGHT! The baggie was closed! Thank you, Jesus! I would have died if something happened to Millie at five months! Remembering that Magic ate raisins one day at his five-month mark two weeks after I adopted him, and JM took him to the animal hospital and stayed until 11 PM when she had to work the next morning, and I took three months to pay her $100 to pay her back in full. She told the doctor and technicians to do their earnest efforts to save Magic as we just put a cat to sleep on September 29, 2020. I had Bing Noel-Nuggles Crosby for fourteen years and he was from our local shelter after my first cat Emilee Marie Cuddles passed away at sixteen years, seven months and two weeks on November 14, 2006. Got Bing one month and four days after Emilee passed away from her just being old . . . My first two cats lived to be old cats. Bing died of kidney disease and hyperthyroidism and lost weight to six something pounds in two months and I saw the decline in two months. He went fast. I do not allow an animal to suffer if sick. It was super hard to see him after fourteen years with me at that time, too! I got Magic Salem Victor four days later, and he is 3 ½. Now, he has a little sister who is five months to play with and she is Millie Rose Blossom. She loves people food! She’s not picky, either, LOL. . . I won’t break her from the habit, but will limit her people food, and I wish JP would not feed her people food all the time. Wish I could break JP from that darn habit! I really can’t, because she gives bites of people food to her cats, too. Grrr! Whatever!

I sat in my lift chair from 9:30 AM to 2:45 PM. I was beginning to get really tired of sitting in my chair and wanted to get ready for bed. I’ve had enough of the living room. Even JP snores, lol. . .not really funny to be honest with you. I snore badly, too. My grandparents Grandma and Grandpa Fox snored badly, too. I stopped using the CPap because it was very hard uncomfortable, and Grandma and Grandpa Fox never used one in their 78 and 92 years of life. My dad snores, and my brother does, too. My dad is going to be 81 in April and my mom I’d going to be 80 in March. JP says she believes everyone snores and I agree with her. I believe her anyway. I think I had a mediocre sort of day as it went my way and not my way today. I wanted to lay in bed all day but didn’t and I DID change my mind for a while. My day was not too bad.

JP arrived around 9:15 AM to start my day. She found the cheese under my bed closed in the plastic ziplock bag, so. . . Millie girl did NOT EAT any of the cheese LAST NIGHT! I don’t know if it is a blessing in disguise or just pure luck to be very honest. I thought the baggie was wide open, so Millie kitty would have had a feast on my cheese, and there was plenty of it for her body to get constipated because she is still a small kitten that is growing. So .. . This kitten and cat mama is relieved and very happy. Thank you,Jesus. I did think that the cheese baggie was OPEN ALL NIGHT LONG! Whew!

I am having difficulty getting to sleep this evening. Worrying about my kitty Millie and feeling I have failed at be a kitten Mon again as I remember Magic’s care three years ago about three weeks after adopting him. I just lost my Bing Crosby kitty after fourteen years of loving and loving him with all my heart that also loves Jesus for allowing me to have him for so long before he got sick with kidney disease and hyperthyroidism, and I now have a new kitten to love again—a black cat I’ve always wanted in the past two to three years now. I am not hear to judge God’s plan for me at this time and day of my life EVER AGAIN if I could from this day forward. Get it if possible—God willing from this day forward.1 need to rely on God now.

Oh, my goodness gracious. . . another meltdown tonight. I dropped my plastic bag of cheese on the darn bedroom floor! I think Millie got into the bag and is eating the cheese up. It’s too much for her little tummy. She’s only 5 months old and I am failing as a cat mom again! Damn! I am texting DH and JP to come and help and they have other obligations tonight. That makes it tougher for me. I am so frustrated and upset, people. I am a failure. JP is testing me that Millie’s fine and for me to calm down and cheese will not hurt her. Not a good night as I watch Midsomer Murders through tears and panic while I lay helpless on my bed for the night as it is dark and past 7 PM. I am lost in and very scared. It is going to be a LONG NIGHT tonight for sure. DH babysits tomorrow until noon, so JP is coming around 9 AM to work with me. In the meantime, I have my lamp on real low light, my snacks and waters by me, and my phone and electronics, my lamp’s remote, tv remote, and bed remote at the ready when I need them. Magic and Millie are the apartment somewhere so there is really no need to worry about anything. Right? Yes, but what about Millie and the cheese on the bedroom floor? Worrisome and scary, people!

Now, with Christmas done for the year, I can do my best to relax more to bring in the 2024 year in with happiness hopefully to be very honest with myself you and being honest with Jesus. Today, my ride picked me up at 11:05 AM and took me to dialysis by 11:15 AM. I have twenty minutes left on the machine before being taken off the machine for the day. I will have two kilos of fluid taken off today. I think I am gaining weight because of my anxiety medication I was put on last month. It’s Quetiapine and it’s not working. I am now over 80.0 kilos because of the darn drug . . . Quetiapine. . . Not happy about it at all. I am very unhappy and a little angry.1am disappointed. Very disappointed!

The Need to Vent

I am in need to vent once again. Yesterday did not have to happen the way it did, but Veyo, our medical ride company we HAVE to call to get medical rides to and from medical appointments HAS to be done on a weekly and regular basis.  Veyo is one company that stresses me out by screwing up my necessary rides to dialysis a lot. I would rather NOT deal with them myself, but JP does NOT want me to use Specialized Transit for my medical rides because I spend $60 a month using them. With Veyo, they have screwed up my ride times to the point I have had to call them several times on certain things that stress me out to no end. On December 24^th they had You Buy We Fly coming to pick me up when, Sundays, they are not open, and it was a holiday. The scheduler did NOT call YBWF to confirm the ride. The thing Veyo knows that YBWF DOES NOT take any patients and passengers in Sundays, and they are closed on Sunday and holidays. The scheduler was being an idiot and needs to be FIRED from their job for making that big no no of a mistake. I would have fired the idiot. Veyo loves to not listen to the person on the other side of the conversation much better then they do all the time, not sometimes. Put your listening ears on, pleased, people. Don’t be idiots. I wish we don’t have to deal with Veyo, but we do.

Another thing that really irritates me about Veyo is that the date they ask me to give a review of date is NOT the day of the ride, but the day before. The example I can give is that today’s ride review will say, “how was your ride with so and so on December 26, 2023? Come on people, I haven’t gone to dialysis on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday since July when the clinic moved to Michael Berry Building during the summer month of July for goodness sakes! What’s wrong with you people!m Don’t they read my reviews? I hate Veyo and their screw ups. I wish I did not have to deal with Veyo today! MTM isn’t any better! MTM will be back February 1, 2024!

 Venting is Necessary Tonight 

 Veyo and their Shit!

Let’s see. The company Veyo has been screwing up my rides to and from dialysis a lot lately and this past Sunday, December 24^th, they really screwed up my ride that o had to drive myself in my power chair to and from treatmentScrewing my ride up put me in a mood that turned into a major, public meltdown in the Garden Court lobby where other tenants can hear me make an ass of myself having a temper tantrum in public. Oh, my word, Veyo sucks!

I am getting fed up with Veyo showing the wrong date on their page where I can leave a review. With today being December 26^th, the company Veyo has the date. December 25^th to leave a message. It’s ridiculous and annoying to see the day before on the leave a review page. What’s wrong with Veyo workers? Some of the workers don’t do their jobs correctly and need to be FIRED! Something is wrong with their computer system or screen. When Veyo changes to MTM, I hope they fix things!0 I have hated calling to set up rides with Veyo for a very long time now. I don’t trust them anymore to be very honest!