Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

Well, welcome to the afternoon this Tuesday afternoon. Got dressed and ready for an appointment at 1 PM, had a fried egg sandwich and pickles for breakfast with Swiss and sharp cheddar cheese, and a sausage patty (turkey, as I don’t eat pork anymore). I just got done and out of my appointment and waiting for my ride to pull up, to head home. We have chosen Culver’s for our lunch/supper meal today. Delicious! We are getting happy meals and free ice cream tonight. Mint ice cream with Ande candies. Delicious! I had a cheeseburger with mayonnaise and mustard, lettuce and tomato, and onion. I love their onions! I had fries and cheese curds with my supper. I have even asked if MH could have a dinner on us because she has helped me today. It looks like everyone is getting burgers tonight for supper!!

Prayers Needed

A new kitty has come to live with Magic and me. Her name is Millie Rose Blossom. She is five months old and skittish a bit and has been deemed as a feral cat according to the Rock County Humane Society. So, you know that I do not like that they say she is feral and how they show it is by clipping her right ear. I want Magic and Millie to get along. 

I got new furniture—a couch and recliner from Ashley Furniture Company. I love them! The furniture is my 2023 gift from my parents who now live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I wish I could share it, but the image is too big. My living room has been rearranged, and I am now sleeping in my bedroom again. I will see if I can upload picture of new furniture later.

I feel like crap. Please forgive me for swearing, Jesus, but I do not feel emotionally happy. I have been crying a lot lately. I have been feeling blah and not really myself lately, and I cannot explain it right now

I can’t say why really, but I am having tears and crying a lot right now. With it being Friday night, I am now sleeping in my bedroom again. My door is closed, and my cat Magic is on the other side of the door in the hallway crying and meowing because there is a need for the door to be closed. I will say what I can in a few days, okay? I am having a meltdown and tomorrow, I am going to talk to JP about it.

I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety these days. A lot of crying and meltdown after meltdown has been happening lately, and frustration to the max. It has been bad before, but it has been worse lately. I can’t explain anything more. The holidays have kept me going, although the busyness of the holidays have gotten me crying or wanting to cry a lot. I am dealing with stress right now, too. I am getting frustrated a lot, too. I am beside myself lately because of crap coming and going in my life.

upset

I wonder who uses Grammarly today. I know I do not use it anymore. I have not used it since they took $90 from my bank account in one week. Trying to discontinue an account of two, the company lost me as a customer. My bank took care of the fraud this time, but lost the ability to remember and memorize my new card (debit), and that hurts my ego. That pisses me off to this day. Excuse my swearing, please. I have been getting pissed a lot lately and it is has been at JP lately, and I think it’s time to let her go, but damn, I can’t. She fucking is controlling my damn life. I want to FIRE the bitch. Yeah, she has been a bitch lately, I do not trust her anymore either. I want her fucking GONE out of my life. She basically became a thorn in my side and life.

Dear Jesus,Please forgive me for swearing in this

Good morning and happy Sabbath. Please watch over my friends and neighbors, and the Janesville area. I know I have no control of other people’s choices and what lays ahead. What we choose at times can cause an action or reaction we do not expect at times. I have made many choices that have had been not the best of choices. I need to rely on you more than I have most recently. I won’t be returning to church for a while yet. It’s not that I am not ready, but the friend who could take me to church has not even asked. The fact is that I have kept my distance from her lately and have spoken to her three times in the past three or four months, and it can be longer. I have been dealing with more anxiety lately that I have memory lapses. Time has no speed when anxiety comes. The memory lapses scare me. 

My dearest Jesus, I what to thank you for being my Savior and Lord. I know you have special plans for me. I heard you say so with Satan/Lucifer wanting to interfere. Your voice was calm and pleasant, a voice I never heard before. Satan’s voice was calm, too, but the tone was different as if he was trying to intimidate me. Satan is very good at that.

What can I do to stop Satan from attacking me? Will you please help me find a way to be strong to get behind me Satan as Jesus is my savior and Lord? His attacks on me are harming me and scaring me. I know I need to talk to you more and pray without ceasing, I know I have been through a lot in my 53 years this far in life, I do not understand some things that matter to me. What matters to me is family togetherness but my family is broken and not everyone speaks to one another. I understand that adult children leave the home eventually and develop friendships and families of their own to make the family larger. Death, thanks to Adam and Eve sinning and being kicked out of the Garden of Eden because Satan deceived Eve about the tree of life. Sometimes, as observant as I am, have seen and heard things that have caused the family, my family, to stop communicating in good ways. I hear it every time my parents, Dad and his wife come.

My Dad and his wife hurt me when they bring up the past. This last visor they told me why I was kicked out of the house, and it was because I was dropping my pills the floor and my sister was finding them and putting them in her mouth. That happened so long ago. Now, my sister is in her 30s! Why do my parents always want to bring up my faults? I do not have a backbone nor a thick skin. I am sensitive, very sensitive as I wear my heart on my sleeve, but this past year and last six months of 2022 has changed me. I have lost my happiness and had a difficult time accepting my life what it is now. I am growing accustomed to my life as I am beginning to have a life again—although different now—but the happiness factor is hidden somewhere right now. I have to find it again, but I believe that certain people in my life are preventing me from my happiness right now. I do not have control of my life at this time. I do not like to be forced to be among other people and their conversations. I would rather be home and watch TV, read, and play games on my tablet or phone. I have already been to a Tupperware party when I did not want to be there. My caregiver was trying to get me more involved and have a life, though. She meant well, but you cannot force me. I am not comfortable with it.

I have my concerns and fears as well, but I will wait until later talk to you about  my concerns and fears.

Lovingly,

Kristi

This year I have been getting YouTube videos about actresses and actors who have supposedly died, but come to find out that the actress or actor is still alive. How can someone get away with this? When the creator makes a video of an actor or actress saying they have died, the creator makes it that no one can leave a comment. Tonight, the actress that passed away, was Sally Field. The creator of these videos is not well, is sick. Does he or she, or group of people find pleasure in their lies. Why can’t YouTube do something about it and get rid of these videos. I guess there are some real sick people out there.

Jesus

Let me introduce you my personal Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. In his time, God the Father of the heavens sent his beloved Jesus Christ be born to a mother who was a virgin. As Jesus grew up from babyhood to a teenager, he worshipped God, and he lived for thirty-three years on this earth because he was crucified on the cross with two others who were on each side of him. His death on the cross was meant to happen because Jesus was the Messiah, and those who yet believed in Jesus as the Messiah still had him killed, and put in a tomb with clothing made for a king. Well, Jesus is King. He died on the cross on Friday, laid in a tomb on the Sabbath Saturday, and rose to heaven on Sunday, the day after Sabbath. Two women were going to prepare him with oils when they heard a loud crash and saw that the tomb was open, and Jesus was gone. The women thought that Jesus’ body was stolen. The guards guarding the tomb were fast asleep when the stone to the tomb was broken. Hmmm? A wondrous sight has happened. The guards were in trouble with their superiors, and the two women went back to tell the disciples what happened and what was told to them about Jesus. Jesus has risen to show us that God keeps his promises to His people. Although this happened, there was doubting Thomas, and his disciples were alarmed with what happened and could not believe.  Oh my goodness gracious Jesus is alive and has gone to sit at the right hand of his Father to prepare a place for all who love Him—Jesus, the very go to being to the Heavenly Father we call God. God is in three ways—the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost/spirit, and that to me is a greatness. God is great all the time; all the time God is great!

Now, to be very honest with you, I do not talk to Jesus enough. I do not want to make any resolutions for the 2024 year because my resolutions will be broken, and I won’t carry them through for very long. How many new year resolutions have you made and broke? Think about it and be serious about it. So, I have stopped making any resolutions in my lifetime a long time ago. Although late, this Friday night, and the beginning of the Sabbath at sundown at 4:23 PM, I have to admit that I was playing Bingo Blitz up to a half an hour ago. I should not be playing games on the Sabbath unless it is a game that Jesus is in the game. A good example is a Bible word search game. Understand?

Jesus needs to hear from me more. I love writing in my journal here whether it is a play by play day, or just a couple of entries in my day. In the past year and a half now, I believe Jesus has spoken to me as well as the angel of lies I know as Lucifer and Satan. This angel became jealous of Jesus and wanted to be the ruler of all, but his greed and jealousy got him kicked out of the heavenly home along with one-third of the angels who were behind Satan or Lucifer. Lucifer is on this earth doing his best to have us turn away from Jesus. Satan will make promises he can’t and won’t keep. Sad, right? Indeed sad. Satan believes in Jesus, too, and he will turn Jesus’ words around to be believed by those who are not strong enough. This past year and a half have had me going in every direction from Covid and hematoma, and a blood infection.  Staying in Evansville Manor for a few weeks was one of the best places to stay at. I just did not want to do much exercises with the therapists, and one day I was going one way in bed while the nurses turned my body the other way causing a tear that had put me back into the hospital two weeks after I got home. I had a hematoma inside by my right hip that caused my legs to hurt and not move. I was also acting weird in the head and learned that I had a blood infection that needed to be taken care of while hospitalized. I also learned that my cerebral palsy had changed and by December 2022, I had seen a CP specialist and brace people.

Everything was happening fast and my anxiety had become great and worsened. I had lost my happiness and my life has changed a lot last year. Did Jesus talk to me? He did when I was at Evansville Manor recuperating. Satan also had his part in the conversation while I was there. Jesus spoke in my right ear and Satan spoke in my left ear. Do you want to know what the conversation was about? Okay, here it goes.

Satan: Kristi plays Harry Potter

Jesus: But she knows it’s fake

Satan tsk tsked in my ear and asked Jesus what he wanted from me.

Jesus: I have special plans for her. Jesus also told Satan to leave me alone, and of course, I turned my head and said something, and I was back in my darkened room at the nursing home, and Jesus’ voice as well as Satan’s voice were no more. Oh my goodness, I did hear them. Jesus’ voice was unfamiliar, and I never heard a voice like that in my lifetime. Ever since that night, I have been dealing with Satan’s attacks on me, and I endure every time on a daily basis. I need to talk to Jesus more to keep Satan away. 

Talking to Jesus

My way to communicate best is to pray. My way is writing a letter to Him. I want to start doing that and do it daily three times a day. The truth is that I will not carry it out and keep it up. Since I love to write in a journal on a daily to regular basis, why not talk to Jesus by writing a letter? He would appreciate it greatly—I believe, anyway. Let’s give it a try.

Dear Jesus,

You are a very important being who is my personal Savior and Lord. I do not talk to you too often, and when I do, I feel much better. You have shared with me last year, that you have special plans and have asked Lucifer/satan to stop bothering me in so many words. You know I am dealing with anxiety and depression. I need to talk to you more, but the words do not come easily verbally. I hope you do not mind me writing my prayers and thoughts to you for now. It is time for bed, so I am going to say good night now. Good night, Jesus.

Lovingly,

Kristi

Home & Paid Bills

I got home around 3:10 PM, and in the building, and upstairs. I got into bed, ate white chicken chili and have some leftover for tomorrow for lunch. It is good and it tastes different and delicious. I just could not eat the large bowl with tortilla chips this supper.

After I got my supper dishes taken away, I paid my cable and telephone bill online. I do not know why I could not wait until Monday. I believe that it could have waited.

Now I am watching Roku’s Live TV and guess what’s one? Midsomer Murders, of course. The important thing is that I have paid my necessary bills for the month. Cable and phone. Dumb AT&T had to text that my phone was all paid off  and that I should get another phone upgrade. Nor now, though.

Veyo medical rides sent me a text this morning to tell me that MTM as of February 1, 2024. Ok, all good until, while I was at dialysis, Veyo called to tell me the same thing in an automated voice. A waste of a phone call and hung up on the automated voice with frustrating force. I was not happy. Good riddance to Veyo in three months. I hope MTM does a better job! We will find out soon enough.

Tomorrow

DH does not work tomorrow because a niece is getting married tomorrow. JP will be here at 9:30 AM for a while, then leave and come back for a while, then won’t be back until Monday. She wants DH to work all of Sunday and JP will have the day off.