Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

Well, at the clinic now waiting for my turn at the machine for two hours and forty-five minutes . I have been able to get on the scale this week and I am a little leery about it less and less each clinic visit”. Yay, it is Friday. My weekend is almost…here!

If they do not hurry and call my name, I will scream. I am sick and tired of their dang slowness of all days…today. I want my weekend to begin on the right foot and it looks like it is not! It is 11:38 a.m. and I am usually back there by now!

If they do not hurry and call my name, I will scream. I am sick and tired of their dang slowness of all days…today. I want my weekend to begin on the right foot and it looks like it is not! Being put on late is unacceptable in my way of thinking.

Well, therapy is over as of 10:45 a.m. Excitement to some degree has yet to be built up. My therapist of the day D has cancelled my last three appointments today. Whew!Now, starting next week, the dialysis center starts ir Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year holiday begins having patients come on Tuesday and Sunday. It depends on the holiday. It is nice to have a holiday break once or twice or maybe three times a year. New Year holiday is the first holiday of the year, so there are three holidays a year the dialysis center is closed. I have mixed feelings about coming to the clinic on Sundays, though.

Well, at the clinic now waiting for my turn at the machine for two hours and forty-five minutes . I have been able to get on the scale this week and I am a little leery about it less and less each clinic visit. Yay, it is Friday. My weekend is almost…here!

Getting to therapy a moment ago and I see my old city bus driver CL! Oh, how exciting was that? I have found it rewarding and special on this day that is just a normal and regular day. Seeing CR was pretty cool this morning. It took me away from the pain I dealt with regarding my arthritis and joint pain. I could not have asked gif me this morning. Thank you, Jesus, for having CR pass through my sights this morning. It was a great pleasure. 

CL’s second husband passed away five years ago and that was rge kase.

It is now time to sit and wait for my medical ride to take me to therapy for the last time for a while. Yes, I have given it a lot of thought for as tired as I have been to say quit for a while and it is time and okay. Waiting for my ride can be kind of annoying at times. Waiting for You Buy We Fly can be grueling at times, but my ride just arrived. Thanks DL (female driver).

A new day and a decision needs to be made about quitting or not quitting therapy after today. I am inclined to cancel the rest of my therapy sessions from Monday onward. I have had enough therapy for now. I have had about 40 sessions up to date. That is a lot of sessions. I am bored, tired, and ready for a big break from therapy now. Today is my last day for a while until I start occupational therapy next year.

My discussion with my mom yesterday had blown over. Although I did lose some sleep last night, I got some — enough — I think. Thank goodness for today being Friday. The weekend is coming. Woohoo!

Hopefully today I can begin my new meds for my anxiety and depression. I am going to be taking Seroquel/Quetiapine. I am sick and tired of my anxiety taking over my life as worrying about what JP calls stupid stuff stops. I want less worry and problems. I want to roll on out of here without worrying about anything, period. My anxiety has been super bad and scary at times. My brain is out of balance right now and it sucks.

Well, it is a few minutes after 9 a.m. and is almost time for me to head out the door once again for about 4 hours. Therapy session and dialysis today. Last dialysis session of the week. Woohoo! Good bye for now.

Okay, I have been home for several hours now. I had mac and cheese, yogurt, and some snacks between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. until JP got back around 3:15 p.m. For supper I had homemade pizza and snacks between 3:30 p.m. and 5:45 p.m. and JP left around 4 p.m. or a few minutes before 4 p.m. It has been a better day, but still emotional for me.

Anyway, with my play-by-play sort of day, I have to admit that there a part of my day, actually two parts of my day that could have been tons better than my emotional upsets I have been having. During my appointment my caregiver JP said some things that I did not like, and I made me feel real sick and hurt. I wanted to scream at her for being mean and hurting me bad enough that I wanted to take my power chair and drive out of the darn room. Truth is, the need to be on anxiety and depression medication is definitely necessary, but what she said is not worth repeating and I will get in an emotional state of mind again. Before she left for the day, we called the pharmacy to discuss the medication the pharmacy needs to get ready for pick up tomorrow afternoon, and bang boom, DONE!

My mom and I had a discussion this afternoon via text message, and saying I allowing Satan to take over my life is my fault. I am inclined to disagree and wished we never had this discussion or text talk. No, it is not my fault. At least not my fault entirely because my emotions are at a point I am hurting badly enough. I will take my part of the blame, but I will not be blamed for it all. Yes, Satan has a hold of me, but will not take crap from my mom anymore. I will not take any crap from anyone anymore. This is one discussion I will not talk to JP about this anytime soon because she kind of pissed me off today at the appointment today. 

I am hurting when it comes to talking to my mom today. I have arthritis and sleep can be difficult at times now and again. I have an imbalance of something going on, and I will seek help from a doctor and counselor. I am looking for a counselor to this very day. Mercy Options for my response in the mail. Waiting to hear from me, so waiting is an answer. Maybe I should talk to JP about it. I think I will tomorrow if I remember to do so. Tomorrow night for seven nights I begin my new anxiety and depression medication called quetiapine/Seroquel.

Okay, appointment went okay. We discussed a couple of meds for anxiety and depression today, and we are going to try to take it. When I get the med tomorrow. The new med is called QUEtiapine starting at 25mg pill. I will get new med tomorrow afternoon when JP comes tomorrow afternoon to work with me. Woohoo, tomorrow is Friday, and then I have the weekend to test and relax. Dr. B is a keeper for a family doctor. I am very happy for her!

I am now in the small clinic room here waiting for Dr. B to arrive to talk about my anxiety and depression and be put in proper meds. A little nervous about it, too.

I am in my medical ride heading to mu appointment now. I am still not feeling excited about this appointment really. I am not excited about the MercyHealth system except for Dr. A and Dr. S who are nephrologists (kidney doctors). Even my faith in them is waning a little bit now. At least Dr. A listens to me.