My Saturday Evening Thoughts

When I had gotten home from school I felt a little exhausted emotional and it was hitting me physically. I was not even sure I was going to go to church this morning at the hour of 9 p.m.. I felt totally exhausted. I did get to church – Sabbath School and worship services, and then I went to a friend’s house for lunch and then we went to Fort Atkinson to visit another church member who was in the nursing home. I had a good day as I got my mind off my grandpa’s passing away a week ago today. I have been home since 3:50 p.m. hopinmg that my friend Carol may have called but when she didn;t, I called her instead. She did not answer the phone both times I’ve called but she did call me back and she did not sound so good so I kmew our plans to get together would be postponed for another afternoon which did not bother me any since I had a back up plan in mind. I was glad to get away from my apartment for the day even though I was missing my cat Emilee today. In fact, when I asked her (Emilee) if it would be okay if I got out fora while and went to church, I think she was mot 100% happy with my leaving her behind bit she did give me permission to go, LOL Now that I am home, this hour of late, going on 9 p.m., my world is closing down for the night. I am still feeling more tired than I did before my grandpa’s death a week ago today, but I am feeling somewhat better. My friend Carol told me that I sounded better than I did a couple of days ago. AND she knows exactly how I feel at this time. A little numb, upset, exhausted, and still holding my head above water with my school work and classes M – F. It is unbelievable that Grandpa Fox has been gone a whole week already. WOW! I feel I have been through a war these past few days.

I do have to admit that I have had been remembering my grandpa the way he was before the Alzheimer’s disease and I have done a lot of smiling through tears as I feel the loss of my grandpa. Healing is NOT easy but it is doable and can be done. I do feel hurt yet and my heart still beats irregularly to the thoughts of my granddaddy’s death even though he has been mentally gone for five years before his physical death. What I find somewhat strange to this day is I havee yet not cried the good cry yet and it might never come after all by the time Grandpa’s memorial comes rolling around.