I am not angry at the fact that some people say things that make it seem that my words are being twisted and misunderstood, but it is kind of disappointing. For the past couple of days it seems, to me anyway, that I have been being picked on and my words are not coming out right as I had hoped they would. What is wrong with me? I do not mean to sound like such a mean, downgrading person. I guess, when I have my period that is the time to keep my mouth shut and wait to read certain entries after my hormones are calmed again.

Free Spirited …

I just realized, after all these years, that I am somewhat free spirited. I think I am … no I am one of those people who does not like to be tied down to one relationship. Relationships have been hard for me in the past and are still hard for me. why am I so worried about having a man in my life right now? I have no idea! lol. I am still confused. The letter I had written to Rick seems now like a lost cause right now. He told me that he understood the letter and liked it that I was open to him about us, but something clicked in my head earlier tonight that made me think that the letter was definitely a lost cause and my words have been forgotten. I have been hurt by men before but I have not been hurt like this. I will not allow a man to control me and I will not control a man. Nellie Mom was right that I was once possessive and conotrolling and now I have turned a new leaf and now a man is what I used to be like and I do not like it one bit. No … I do not. I think I am free spirited. What do you think?

My Friendships

My friends are very important to me and I will do anything for my friends within reason. I am a compassionate person. I have a friendship with a man my age who has down syndrome. His name is Jimmy. My friend Kelly is married to him, Jimmy is also very compassionate and loving to all his friends … both men and women. When it comes to giving me hugs, my boyfriend seems jealous and does not like it. My friendships with ALL my friends are very important to me and I can not focus on just one friend to be happy. That is why I am feeling that being tied down in a relationship with a man is not for me unless God intervenes and makes a relationship perfect for me. Yes, I am thinking of ending my relationship with my boyfriend but again I am afraid to do so because he seems very ______________. Hmmm? What can I say right now?? I can not say anything right now. HELP! I thought this boyfriend was the answer to my prayers and God had delivered him to me but again it was me doing it all all over again. Do I make any sense? Probably not, lol…

If I have to get the authorities involved, it will be so…that’s for d*** sure!

Excuse Me For Swearing

My d*** was a swear word and I do not usually use swear words in my thoughts. )Please excuse me for swearing. Thanks!

Good Night

I am going to say adios and good night for now. I will be back tomorrow or sometime this weekend. Bye for now.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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One Response to 11/19

  1. Britani18 says:

    I do feel like you sould leave Rick too (but then again you knew that). If God is telling you that having a relationship isn’t right for you now, then don’t have one. Anyway, it’s ok your all messed up right now; your on you period and that’s understandable. I would be the same way if I was in your shoes.


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