It Does Not End!

I have been practically beside myself lately and believe me when I say I have been beside myself lately. I just do not know what to do or even think about somone in particular in my life. This person will remain nameless but I can tell you that this person is a girl. I have been receiving emails from this particular friend asking me to email her back. In one of her emails she has told me that she misses hearing my voice. What? I have not been calling this friend because she does not even take the time to pick up the phone to call me. I feel I have been taking the initiative to call this person but she has not taken the time to call me. Yes, she does call me back but lately I have not noticed her taking the time to call me. If she misses hearing my voice then she can call me! I do not need to be the only person to call her. What is this person’s problem? I have no idea and I am no longer going to find out the answer by fishing out the answer. I am done with this person’s games and toying around. I do not even think there is a frieindship anymore between this girl and I. I do not feel comfortable telling her things because of the fact that there is an immaturity problem with this girl. I am not going to sit around at home here or anywhere worrying about this person anymore. If she does not take the time to pick up the phone to call me like she does with other friends, then I am through with the idea of picking up the phone and calling her. I have this feeling she is not sitting at home worried about me anyway and believe me when I might be wrong thinking this, but my feeling of her not worrying about me is so strong and I will not take those gut feelings lightly anymore.

With this situation in hand and still ongoing in my opinion, I have other things to worry about and I have to take care of myself. I am dealing with changes in my life that could affect me in a positive way as well as negatively, and believe me, taking care of myself has been put on hold way too long lately. I am right now sitting at home thinking of what I can do to change my life and most of the changes are being worked on in a fashion that has been taken seriously ever since I have been going to counseling. My world is not caving in right now but if I am not careful, one little bit of a cave in can be devastating in my emotional department of life. Why worry about a friendship that may not have existed for the past two years among this friend and I? I have no idea. Just this week I went to the eye doctor and then scheduled a procedure for my right eye to be done due to the fact that I have a secondary cataract on the capsule of the eye. I was prety scared and unsure of a lot of things at the time of the finding out but in the past few days I have gotten my questions answered and the unsureities developed into sureities after all. I am also attending classes online and have taken those classes very seriously. My seriousness about school seems to offend this one person and I just do not know what to think or do, or even say. I have realized that this past week has been rocky and pretty bumpy.

My world does not negativety and problems when I have my own problems and concerns. I need to think and do things for myself too. I am only one person who can only give so much of myself without feeling the pressure of other problems that I have no control over.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

1 thought on “It Does Not End!”

  1. They say that to have a friend you need to be a friend. But that does not mean they get to let you do all the work. This person sounds very selfish, and she’s not even trying to understand who you are. I can see why you don’t want her around anymore. I hope you find a way to end it that doesn’t cause more problems.


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