Why In the World Am I Thinking of Opposite Sex Relationships Right Now…AARRGG!

My BFF is married and will be married a year this summer. My friend JR is getting married this year. I do have to admit that I am not in a relationship with a man nor do I have a desire to have a relationship with a man now. Anyway, practically every man I did have a relationship with, excluding two ex-boyfriends, always thought of sex – a major turn off for me because when I had a kidney transplant twenty-three years ago, my desire to have children was shot – not wanting to risk a pregnancy because of the transplanted kidney. I can love children who are not my own. The desire of having children now, at my age of 40 – going to be 41 this summer – is no more actually. I am always happy to see people having kids and being able to get pregnant because I have always wanted others to be happy and make a family. The idea of having a relationship with the opposite sex has turned me off in the last few months lately. I do have to admit that going to weddings remind me that I do not have a man in my world – no desire to have one right now. I am, serious about this, set in my ways now and I do not want to have a relationship changing my ways too much. I do not adapt to change quickly and never did. I will, when the time is right, not deny a relationship with the opposite sex, but will not tolerate a man’s desire to have or always think of sex. That will always be a turn off for me. I am not wanting to ever be sexually active. NEVER…even though I have been curious in my early and late twenties.

I do not remember exactly when DW came back into my life and wanted to go out with me and see me – a relationship I looked forward to – but when he wanted to sleep with me and have sex with me, it was a turn off and a sick thought – DW being a pervert in my mind. That was all he thought about. The night we reconnected and saw each other, he met my friend JT – not a friend of mine anymore really – they hooked up that same night and had sex. Ewww! Gross! Stupid. I did not need to know this. This was when I have vowed I was not going to have a relationship with the opposite sex for a very long time. As DQ and JT continued with their relationship, JT would brag about their sex life and I, not caring about her sex life, got sick and tired of her bragging about it. DW this… DW that… Gross! Then they would break up and get back together more than once which disgusted me more – her bragging about it just drove me crazy – mad – and my wanting her out of my life as well as DW – was looming in the air. Today JT no longer lives in the state of Wisconsin…now Virginia…with another man who she is supposedly engaged to and someone who is definitely not DW…thank God. I am not ever wanting DW back in my world ever again. I blocked DW and JT from facebook several months ago and will never allow them back on facebook again for as long as I am alive. JT and I talk from time to time but that’s it. I could careless if I ever see her again – her visiting Wisconsin in May – I hope I do not see her at all. Her relationship with DW, even though it is over with for good now I believe, still looms vividly in my mind today. I hate DW very much. I do not care to ever hear about him again…that liar, cheater, physical abuse…he abused his daughter sexually and is considered a sex offender. Gross!

Done and over now. Bye for now.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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