When Will It End?

I have had some sleep at night but a full night’s rest as I would like lately. Anxiousness seems to be at bay but my anxiety is trying to rage its ugliness upon me and I have yet not succombed to it at this time – thank goodness. I am staying strong emotionally the best I can here. Just ended my period for the most part of its monthly rage and feeling human once again as of today. I know, being a woman, is toughest during my menses but I am being tough as I can during my weakest time of my life each month. I am not giving up on my sleep yet, either. It will come back to me at full force sooner than later because I know me well enough, lol. Anxiousness is at bay at the moment even now. I have been doing a lot of writing during the past couple of weeks now than I have ever done in such a long time … even writing about the gentleman looking at porn a lot lately. I am feeling like a broken record or someone who is stuck on one thing and cannot let it go. Being used like this gentleman used me has really been upsetting to me ever since I have found out about pornography being looked at on this gentleman’s laptop in the public areas of our building, in front of other tenants, while they are in the public areas going by and able to glance at what is going on on this gentleman’s laptop. It makes me want to throw up on the gentleman’s shoes and make him lick it up himself, lol, but as kindhearted as I am, I am just all talk and venting from time to time.

In a non-Christian manner I do have to admit that I feel that this man does not deserve my prayers to God – a feeling that it is a big waste of my time – but of course this gentleman does deserve prayer no matter what because he is a human who is very ill. I will pray for this gentleman but will no longer have anything to do with him – even if I still have to turn off my modem at night before retiring to bed for the night.

Thanks for letting me vent everyone!!!

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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