Right now, to be very serious, I am not exactly afraid of going to sleep but not wanting to go to sleep.because I know what my subconscious mind will be turning in its path while I sleep and dream. I am tired, yes, and it is 1130ish now and I am up late tonight being online on Facebook, doing an evening devotional I started earlier this evening and have done, and did some writing – as I am doing now in my diary.
I am so frustrated and unhappy right now that the tears have not yet fallen down my face but tears have welled up in my eyes at some point tonight – that is why I really do not want to go to sleep … knowing what is going to happen if I do. It is never going to happen that my parents understanding things in my life. I have two sets of parents and I know one set understands the things that go on in my life but the other set does not. I have always felt like an outsider looking in with some immediate family members but when it comes to other family members, I am not an outsider looking in. That is a very bad feeling to have and I wish I felt like I belonged where I do not feel I belong right now.