The Feeling Still Sits There

I saw CSE yesterday.  I did not feel very comfortable with her alone.  I still have that feeling with her.  She is not going to be coming to my apartment very often anymore because the feeling of having her here is still uncomfortable. I did ask her to come down after lunch today to help with Bing and she did come but I was asleep and I had awakened to the idea of her in my apartment making noise with something.  My heart raced a beat because I was startled awake.  Not good!  From now on I will lock my door when I know I am going to be napping.  When my shower gals are here they will be locking the door when I am in the shower and getting ready for the day, evening, and afternoon – scheduled shower times.

I ask CSE if I did anything wrong because she has not knocked on my door for two weeks except for the fact of when I got a knock on the door last Saturday when we had our Community Room breakfast and later that day when I had gotten home from church the same afternoon while she was in the mail room area on her computer.  That afternoon I was not too happy with her because she is NOT supposed to use the internet in the lobby area or community room.  I have had a tenant who used my modem, before I had a password on it, and was doing so in the lobby and the community room and he was looking at porn, and other tenants noticed that as they passed him they saw his conduct.  He had gotten so angry with me after the fact that I put a password on my modem to lock it, and has not spoken to me for two years now.  I know… silly.  The idea of CSE looking at porn is not going to happen but the idea of others seeing her online in the lobby and community room area can raise questions among some of the nosy tenants.  I just do not find it safe to be on a computer in the community room.  I do not even get online in the public areas of our building anymore myself for my safety and comfort.  I am seriously thinking of changing my password at this time and then CSE will have to get online another way or get her own internet.

At this time I do not consider CSE a close friend.  I realize now, actually, that we were not real close because of the fact we do not ever tell each other everything.  CSE is doing her best to rid of the past she had when she was CKR before she changed her named.  I am learning more about CSE now than I have ever thought I would so my feeling toward her is not comfortable anymore.  I do not feel comfortable with her alone any longer.  She needs help and stop denying and lying.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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