Life in the household has been somewhat quiet. I still have a hoarse voice but it is stronger. At least I think so anyway. I did talk to my IDS worker MM between 1 and 2 pm today and then the rest of the afternoon, before my shower gal got here, I play Fairway Solitaire on my cell phone. I am addicted to the game and will play the game for hours if I did not have other things to do or plan in my day. Even a diary entry would be missed if I really, really wanted to miss a day or two, lol, but I’d rather find time to write in my day somewhere before 8 pm now-a-days anyway. That even includes being a day or two behind in posting my thoughts of the day – good or bad.
I have had my shower and the shower gal had left around 4:15 pm so now the rest of the weekend is all planned out. I do not have my neighbor friend from above me visiting now-a-days. She has been keeping to herself or visiting another neighbor who happens to live down the hall in the same hallway as me lately. As for our friendship/relationship, I have no idea where it stands or what is really going on since this neighbor has not confided in me for a while now. With me being sick last week, coughing and hacking, and feverish along the way, I can just wonder what she thinks if she could hear me all week last week since my living room window was open quite often day and night. At this time, my life does not mix with the neighbor who lives above me right now so I am leaving her alone right now. I am praying for her even though my heart has a twinge of hurt right now because I have no idea what is really going on. All I can do is pray for this neighbor. She has been friends with people who I have decided to cut off ties with because of the lies and confusion of how things are run at Burbank Plaza and not every tenant likes the rules that the management has enforced since last year August. Sad and truly somewhat laughable because if trouble comes here it comes in a way that makes life rather very interesting. I wonder how many bridges my neighbor above me has really burned but I know that trust will have to be rebuilt between us. Maybe she is staying out of trouble or is dealing with some depression and needs to be left alone or she is working on her life moving on out of here as well. We will wait and see. If she does move out it will be adios amigos and I have already deleted her phone number from my cell today because I have a feeling we will not be friends anymore. In fact, to be very honest, because of my confinement due to illness and being out for the first time this week, I have not seen her or her dog in any public areas of the building in or out. I have heard movement and life in her apartment but very quick and short noises. All I can do is pray for her right now. I do not know what I would say to her if she came knocking at my door with her dog in tow except for the truth of not hearing from her at all since my appointment regarding my CPAP machine. My heart is aching, feeling hurt and angry at the same time, and I have had to find something else to do in my life to fill the void that has come into my own life now that I do not have a Friday night visitor right now.
More later… It just seems that I have been doing a lot of venting and releasing of emotion lately about Burbank Plaza. This is why I find being an observer is not always fun or makes me happy. Sometimes my heart aches badly and I feel I have done nothing except the right thing for my own emotional welfare and personal life. I really dislike drama to the point of it making me want to pull my hair out, my heart race 100 miles an hour, and I cry myself to sleep at night. With drama not being in my life, I find it hard seeing it playing around me even though I am not involved in it. I dislike straddling the fence and seeing both sides of things and making a decision that will affect me one way or another. I will make my own decisions and not be forced by someone to make a decision or there will be discomfort and loss of trust. Observing one’s behavior is absolutely hard to explain when things are not right. I will always make the right decision for me one way or another. If I take a side, I will take the side of truth and stay out of trouble. Being who I am yesterday, today, tomorrow, and always is not easy and that is enough said. Will I welcome my neighbor who lives above me back into my life? No, not like before. It will not be the same because I feel the change in our relationship today, and have for several days now since the last time we did talk about me using my CPAP machine again.