It does not seem that I had the weekend to myself as I had planned. I do not mind my shower gals coming to keep me company as well as clean for the day and night but the fact that having other company was not in the plans this weekend but it was what it was this weekend when RS came down yesterday evening and tonight with her Sport pup and I ended up having company for a couple of hours or so. I know what it is like to feel lonely and need to be with someone you can trust but trusting RS entirely right now really is a question mark reality for me since her views are different from my views and she is thinking six months down the road when I can only think one day at a time or my world can spin out of control and I can not find control for a while. I am not RS because I am KK. I can not be someone I am not or am I like someone else. No one is going to change me except what I need to change for myself. I do not like to be pressured! So… my weekend … was not just my own! I wanted time for myself and I did not quite get it as planned!
I have been feeling the pressures from RS lately and I now I am feeling rather put off by some things regarding her now more than ever. Her moods are not abnormal but a lot like mine but I will not be pressured into something I do not feel comfortable about or in. What part of my space pertains to me is my space and I can allow and will allow. I am feeling, like school age kids and children, the pressures of peer pressure. Even adults feel peer pressure and that is no fun whatsoever. It actually nerves me up a bit and now I wonder why I have problems with relationships in my life and circles, and I just want to stick close to myself. Having a group of friends invites trouble and having a couple of friends who live in the same building as you do is not the greatest either. Life with God in your life is something when nothing is without God in your life.