My Thoughts For the Day

What can I really say that is different from other entries I have already written in real life here?  I do not believe it is really different from 2015 but that can change with a conviction of the heart of what I share or want to share or do not share in my life as a normal human being who just loves to write her heart out at times.  There are even days I do not have nothing to say but I can always say hello, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening and good night.  Sometimes I do not want to write at all.  I do not know what has happened to my journaling but I do have to admit that it can do without days of writing from time to time and I have a few journal entries or so many far between each entry.  Do not worry, I have not lost my robust ability to write or anything – not entirely anyway.  I just do not want to sound like a broken record anymore is what my feeling is.  I have a schedule now everyday to keep with showers, grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning, and church, and of course there are spur of the moment plans.  Yet, I stay close to home and in my own place and have been socializing more, too.  I have been socializing more now since our one manager is no longer here and KR has taken her place as manager.  There has been so many changes going on since 2013 that has been unbelievable and the best.  With SB gone and KR back as manager, the chaos has been on the down low.  WHEW.  The tension has been relieved from the entirety of the building and the tenants from what I have observed lately.  With SB here, it was hectic from time to time so I stayed home most of the time and ran my errands outside the building and stayed close to home.  I did not go tramping about in the hallways for almost two years because I could feel the tension about.  No more tension and the freedom of movement seems better than what I have felt.  Sometimes SB scared me.

With 2015 out and 2016 in, I do have to admit that my world is going up and down, in circles like a roller coaster such as the Demon at Six Flags Great America, and sideways, but that is what makes life – my life – challenging from time to time.  The only time I do not like is the fact that I have anxiety and panic from time to time and from August to the last part of December I had some issues with that because a count that the nephrologist (kidney specialist) saw was elevated and wanted to keep a better eye on it by having a urine test done every month, and the count, as of December was 3.44, so now on February 1, 2016, my doctor wants to do a kidney biopsy to see what is going on.  I have now passed the anxiety and anxiousness, and the shock of the upcoming procedure and I do want to know what is going on as to why my urine has protein in it, and the count is elevated.  I have already done a test to show that there is no foreign antibodies and my transplanted kidney is showing signs of distress in that aspect of my overall health matter.  Whatever is going on will be founded and taken care of professionally.  I do have to admit, with anxiety and shock of what the doctor wants to do, I did ask myself questions and shared those questions with other people who have helped through the ordeal to get past the horror I felt of having a transplanted kidney for 28 1/2 years now.  It is AMAZING.  God has my back as he has me in his sights.  He knows my fears and worries.  With Him, I can find peace of mind and my worries are diminished.  WOO HOO.

I cannot deny that being the 6th day of the new year 2016, I have had my reservations on making resolutions because such get broken like promises that can not be kept, but I am doing my very best at changing what needs to be changed in my life.  I am happy for the most part of my world and glad to make things seem less problematic for myself and others, but I still remain somewhat hard hearted about friendships I have had to dissolve in the recent past because of health issues out of my control and those health issues being of both parties and I am not here putting the blame on the other person or people I have had to walk away from.  My health has a minor hiccup in it right now and I need to take care of me at this time.  I believe God is telling me to hold back and hold on for the ride I am about to take myself, and be happy with what friendships I do have today that are very important spiritually and set for me.  I do love God very much.  I cannot argue when God is in the picture.  I wouldn’t dare.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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