A Little Darkness

As my day ends, I do have to admit that it has been one of those days that seemed to roll slowly and then fast, and now it is close to bed time. This is Labor Day weekend and tomorrow I have no major plans after 8:15 AM. I have no services tomorrow because of the holiday and tomorrow I am taking advantage of my holiday and get back on track Tuesday with services from IDS.  MM will be my worker Tuesday.  Yahoo, I have MM this week for services on Tuesday.  I am getting a little ahead of myself. I need and should take it one day at a time.

Today was okay.  I felt blah and bummed most of the day.  I napped and did not feel like my normal, happy self.  Again, I have not felt like my normal, happy self for a few days now.  It is a lot of things I am dealing with in my world according to my brain.  My life seems complicated when it really isn’t complicated at all.  I just think it is and my brain will not accept the outcome of what happened to my fistula between June 16th – August 23rd very well when it is not my fault.  I just cannot let go of the fact that my fistula has stopped working yet.  Will I?  I do not know right now.  My world is just so filled with questions about my health right now, too.  What will happen from this day forward is something I do not know 100%.  I do know that God is in control, though.

Despite my feelings of dread of losing my fistula, my days in the past week have moved ahead with me or without me…mainly without me according to my complicated brain’s thinking. I know, in truth, that I have moved right along and ahead in my life like normal as everyone else has in their lives despite our different lives we all live.  I am just feeling a little bit of darkness in my life with a little ray of light to light my path to get back on the right track of my life. I have gotten this far before and will do it again and again, and I will do it every day of my life from this day forward.  I will find the brightness of light again.  I have done so before.



About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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