Spilling Out My Feelings This Morning I

It is 7:20 AM this Friday morning.  I have time to write in my diary now because I am making time to write.  I have figured out one thing in my life this week and that is not giving myself enough time to write in my diary, journal, or blog, and talk to God.  When I talk to God, I feel so much better and my heart fills with joy I cannot always explain.  You see, this week has been fine but yet a rollercoaster ride with some idea of a possible schedule change in my personal care hour with DK, I did not know my parents were still driving when I tried calling them back a couple of hours later after.  I felt that my dad’s wife bit my head off, and then yesterday, talking to my dad, he did not listen to my voice message yet.  That made me feel foolish and very impatient.  Why can I not wait?  I know that my dad’s wife was not talking to me in a very strict tone or anything but it sounded like it.  I was feeling a little down.  I will be okay, though.  This fall weather has been a little off for me since the daylight savings time has happened last weekend.  I survived the first night with no problems but as the week continued, my body has been having an issue or two.  I did not even go to church Wednesday night and it just about killed me not to go.  I have been mad about it ever since.  I am going to church tomorrow because I want to and I have the mission story.

Here I am spilling out my feelings with hopes of getting the feelings out in the open and out of my ever overflowing, always working brain of mine.  I know I am not the only person out in this cruel and half-hateful world of ours but there are days I do feel that I am the only one in this world.  With that said, I am so happy that I have three people in my life that help take care of me throughout the seven days a week.  One of them is DB, who has been in my life for almost three years now helping me get groceries, help clean and organize when she can, laundry, and cleaning and of course, I cannot forget about DK who helps me with my personal cares and in the past four weeks with organization.  Despite my moodiness that is not quite so happy, I do have something to look forward to.  The last person I am glad is a part of my life and that is JR.  She is my IRIS consultant for the past few months now.  She is helping me make sure everything, and I mean everything, runs smoothly and without any problems.  I am also admitting that ever since IDS has closed their doors to the clients they have served for a long time still lingers on my mind. If I think about it on a daily basis the IDS program is not far enough back in the past yet.  Maybe in a year I will think differently.  Sometimes it is hard to leave what was so good in the past because memories come and go.  Even though it is not possible, even bad memories come and go, and they should remain in the past where they belong.  I deal with memories that are both good and bad throughout the year and sometimes I feel that nagging feeling something is about to happen that may not be the best in my present life.  I have that fear but then God should be the One I go to, right?  Right!

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As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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