Before I go to bed for the night, I thought I would talk about something that has been pressing on my mind for a while now.  I am going to tell a story – a true story – about conflict of emotions and the idea of understanding other people outside myself.  As far as I am concerned, I feel I am a complicated human with a lot of issues and emotional ups and downs, but I know that I am not as complicated as I think.  I am an open book to many, and I find that scary sometimes even though I have accepted the fact that I am an open book.  Anyway, I have been thinking about CSE (formerly CKR).   When I first met her, I just moved into the building.  She was CK at the time.  We got along great and had a wonderful relationship between the two of us.  I am not sure if it was my discomfort of her meeting a gentleman and later married him, I had a bad feeling about her boyfriend who later became her husband.  I did not trust JR.  As time moved forward and time between us turned to non-existent until a few years ago when she moved back into the building .  This is when I began to notice some differences in CKR and realized that she was becoming a different person.  As time moved forward, I became frightened of her because her behavior, attitude, and personality.  She decided to have her name changed legally by a judge to CSE, and I had learned the reason why she changed her name – to get rid of the past.  She began this new life.  She spent money she did not have or did not pay her bills and rent.  She began to stop abiding the rules of living in the building and got evicted because of it.  She moved to Beloit to a nice building, but within a month, tenants evacuated the building because there was a fire in one of the apartments – not CSE’s. Many of the tenants and CSE did not return to the building.  The hard work of being moved from here to the apartment in Beloit was done by members of the Beloit SDA church and she was not even thankful or grateful.  Her attitude was odd and concerning.  During all this oddness she was in communication with her ex-husband JR and his new wife AR.  My thought about JR still stood firm about trusting him.  The way CSE has been acting is because of JR.  I have tried to understand her, but I did not have the patience then.  Now,  my patience still runs thin with some people of my past, so I keep a safe distance from them for my health.  I do not want CSE in my life, but I hope she is doing okay. She has tried to call me a few times, but I do not call her back.  The next time she calls me, I will message her that my health is not as good as it has been and I wish not to have any contact with her, and tell her nicely that I wish not to have any communication with her because we are now living different lives.

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As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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