For the past seven years, I have gone to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with our church’s pastor and his wife’s family, but this year is their first holiday in Arizona as they moved from Wisconsin this summer of 2019. It will be my first year and celebrating the holidays without them. Today I have spoken to my dad briefly on the phone before leaving the dialysis center for the weekend. Then the rest in text, I had made plans to have Thanksgiving with him and his wife for our Thanksgiving on Wednesday since I have dialysis on Thanksgiving Day. I am a little nervous because I know and understand that the weather can be bad for the holiday this year. It seems that winter has come a little sooner in Wisconsin this year. I also get nervous when my AR parents come around because they always find something to be critical about when it comes to my home, what I have too much of, and what Bing Crosby the Cat does or doesn’t do and has gotten away with all these years without being disciplined. I feel that my dad is critical towards me for some reason, and when he gets upset, I cannot say anything without him blowing more steam out of his ears. I feel I cannot do anything right by him. I have dealt with his criticism ever since I was a young girl.
His last visit, a week ago, on a Monday morning, I had gotten a 40” TV. Not a new one but a nicely used TV that they had for two years. I could not find the remote and still cannot do that. My parents were not too happy about it, and yet they took my 32” TV to give to someone else who could use it where they go to church. A 40” TV I did not know I was getting until Dad went to the vehicle to bring it in. Nice gesture, and I do love it. What I do not like is the criticism and the picking of what they find wrong in my living situation at present as if my living situation is horrible and demeaning to them. I cannot even talk to my dad and his wife about what my boyfriend and I want to do in the future because I know they will find a flaw in what I want to do and why I want to do this something. Life with my dad around is difficult, and I am glad we do not live in the same state right now. I think my dad has great pleasure in being critical of me because I did not turn out like my brother GLK or my sister KLK.
