I have vowed, since the beginning of 2020, I was going to be writing as much as I can each day. I have realized that I have been doing my best at doing so. I have made it clear that I have found a way to separate some of my thoughts. That is how I have decided to work things out. I have my public diary, Burbank Plaza Apartment, My Book (which it does not have chapters yet), Dialysis Updates, Bing (my cat has a journal), spiritual, God, my blog site 1, and thoughts on the political realm of life have been created. I have been working on my book. I have also vowed that I would speak my mind. Today, outside my blog site a few days ago, I am expressing what has been on my mind before retiring to bed for the night. No, I am not tired yet. I want to be candid now. The 2020 year has been fantastic so far.
Okay, I do have to admit that it has been a great start of my new year so far. Dialysis is going well, and in reality, when it does not go well, it is me (not the catheter) having the problem. I am okay with that. I can deal with that. Even though we are twenty-two days into the 2020 year, I have to admit that I have been working hard on being who I am. Some days I feel that my best friends know me better than I do. I would say my parents know me better than I do, but then I would not be telling the truth. Having my parents (divorced since 1979) and have their new loves since the divorce and the 1980s, I am glad for my parents having who they love in their lives. As far as my dad and his wife, they do not know me better than myself. They think they know me, but they do not know me. Now, my mom does know me better than I do somewhat. She is an easy person to figure out. She has been able to surprise me three times now. The times she was able to surprise me was in 1988, five years ago, and four years ago. She is easy to figure out, LOL
Whatever has happened to the family in 2008, when I have decided not to speak to my brother and his wife for a year, was because I got sick and tired of the lies and what my brother’s wife was doing to me. When they chose not to speak to me from 2009 to the present day, the idea of the lies lives no more. Do I want my brother back in my life? I have been praying about it and will allow my brother back in my life if he chooses. I will never go there to visit without someone with me, and I will not let them lie to me again. I was told I did things while I didn’t do them, and I did not take their daughter’s Game Boy. I am not a thief. My brother’s wife thinks I am. I forgive, but I do not forget. I do care about my brother, and I feel better that he’s not in my life right now. I cannot emotionally take the lies and the feeling of being abused.