Although things are beginning to get better in my household, I do have to admit that the family dynamics is still rocky and not good. It saddens my heart to the point of a lot of tears spilled during the day and night. My parents do not quite understand what damage they have done to me emotionally to this day at the age of 53.
The Damage
Yes, damage. Both Mom and Dad have damaged me throughout my 53 years of life. Mom left Wisconsin to live in NM with her boyfriend LLL and gave full custody to Dad. She pretty much abandoned me and my brother with her boyfriend.
Dad’s abuse has been emotional ever since I was a little girl. I am not why. Does he like putting me down about something I have done wrong, as if I can’t do nothing right for him. Trying to please him did not ever work, either. I have felt so alone and lost. I feel like an outsider in my own family. That is how things seem through my eyes; from what I have observe through the years. It is like Dad does not understand when has a disabled daughter. To this day I am feel blamed for what has happened to me and now my disability has changed because of a hematoma that stopped me from walking for almost a year and a half. I spent three sessions of therapy at thirteen or sixteen days. I can walk, but not like I use to. I can transfer to and from chairs and bed, use the bathroom toilet instead of my commode.
Changes have occurred in my household as well. After sleeping in the living room for a year in my hospital bed, now in the city dump, and have another bed that works like a hospital bed but is not a hospital bed has been moved back to my bedroom. Yes, I have returned to sleeping in my bedroom. I got another television I can watch while in my bedroom at night.
A new addition to the family is my girl kitty Millie Rose Blossom who was adopted several days ago has gotten more accustomed to the apartment and having my Magic kitty as a big brother, and vice versa with Magic having a little sister. Magic is three years old, and Millie is five months old. They are getting along better each day.
I do not remember when I started having difficulty getting through the Thanksgiving Day holiday and Christmas, and New Year holiday, but I do remember that I preferred to be in my own space away from others for a while after the big stuff was over with. I suffer from anxiety and depression because of bad family dynamics. I feel I live my life like a soap opera/daytime drama. They call tv soaps daytime dramas now. My favorite dramas was Bold and the Beautiful and Days of Our Lives. I don’t watch them anymore. I am into mystery, true story, Disney’s Big City Greens, and other different cartoons and shows on the Disney channel. I rarely watch cable tv anymore as well. I watch Hulu, Netflix, Roku Channel/Live TV, Pluto, ID Go, on Roku TV or my Fire TV in my bedroom now. Plenty of changes occurring in my life are continuing to happen to make my life better. More later .
