Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

With Christmas in two days, I have had my boyfriend and his mom over for the usual Saturday Sabbath afternoon visit every other weekend. This time, I practically fell asleep in my chair. Embarrassing. DH came back to get into bed for the night as I was tired and have dialysis in the morning since the clinic will be closed on Monday, Christmas Day. I have mixed feelings about having to go to dialysis sometimes, but it is important that I go. I have been getting frustrated a lot this month, too. Yet dialysis is going smoothly for most of my treatments this month, but the machine has alarmed a lot last week and the week before. A new week begins tomorrow. I do not have a weekend this weekend or next because it is New Years Day next Monday.

I will be very honest, I am not looking forward to going to the clinic tomorrow. Knowing that You Buy We Fly does not take patients to appointments on Sundays because they are closed, and the company is closed on holidays, I get a message that they are picking me up tomorrow. I think Veyo has screwed up, again—I think. I quill see when time comes.

When it comes to dialysis and my regimen of fluid and sodium intake seriously, I do not fool around with my health despite how hard it can be some days. No one messes with me when I am very serious when it comes to my health—for the most part, anyway.

I am having a rough and emotional day today. My dad came with my stuff he took from my apartment to spruce them up a bit. A couple of weeks ago, maybe three weeks ago, not 100% sure at the moment. He took my table and chairs and my Grandpa’s end tables he made seventy years ago or so, maybe a little longer to get them looking nice again from water stains from my drinking glasses and cups. The table and chairs were made by prisoners in jail. Now, with them back, I have nice end tables for my living room and bedroom. Yes, one of them is going to be used in my bedroom because of the limitation of space in my apartment today with my living room right now and bedroom. DH and JP, my caregivers moved my stuff in the bedroom again yesterday, so my table and chairs could have a place to be for now. I can’t wait to leave Garden Court because the place has its problems and things are not being fixed and the place is not up to code. Yeah, the management sucks at Garden Court. The building was built in the 1970’s. The management and owners do act like they do not seem to care. They get fines and pay them without doing anything to fix what the fine was for. That is why I am going to move elsewhere in the near future. This place needs to get updated with the cable company, put handicap system in the front door, and they have been cited for that. It is the money they want and nothing more. Friends and neighbors have moved out or trying to find a new place to live. I think Garden Court should be deemed inhabitable for people until everything is fixed like it should. 

Although things are beginning to get better in my household, I do have to admit that the family dynamics is still rocky and not good. It saddens my heart to the point of a lot of tears spilled during the day and night. My parents do not quite understand what damage they have done to me emotionally to this day at the age of 53.

The Damage

Yes, damage. Both Mom and Dad have damaged me throughout my 53 years of life. Mom left Wisconsin to live in NM with her boyfriend LLL and gave full custody to Dad. She pretty much abandoned me and my brother with her boyfriend.

Dad’s abuse has been emotional ever since I was a little girl. I am not why. Does he like putting me down about something I have done wrong, as if I can’t do nothing right for him. Trying to please him did not ever work, either. I have felt so alone and lost. I feel like an outsider in my own family. That is how things seem through my eyes; from what I have observe through the years. It is like Dad does not understand when has a disabled daughter. To this day I am feel blamed for what has happened to me and now my disability has changed because of a hematoma that stopped me from walking for almost a year and a half. I spent three sessions of therapy at thirteen or sixteen days. I can walk, but not like I use to. I can transfer to and from chairs and bed, use the bathroom toilet instead of my commode.

Changes have occurred in my household as well. After sleeping in the living room for a year in my hospital bed, now in the city dump, and have another bed that works like a hospital bed but is not a hospital bed has been moved back to my bedroom. Yes, I have returned to sleeping in my bedroom. I got another television I can watch while in my bedroom at night.

A new addition to the family is my girl kitty Millie Rose Blossom who was adopted several days ago has gotten more accustomed to the apartment and having my Magic kitty as a big brother, and vice versa with Magic having a little sister. Magic is three years old, and Millie is five months old. They are getting along better each day.

I do not remember when I started having difficulty getting through the Thanksgiving Day holiday and Christmas, and New Year holiday, but I do remember that I preferred to be in my own space away from others for a while after the big stuff was over with. I suffer from anxiety and depression because of bad family dynamics. I feel I live my life like a soap opera/daytime drama. They call tv soaps daytime dramas now. My favorite dramas was Bold and the Beautiful and Days of Our Lives. I don’t watch them anymore. I am into mystery, true story, Disney’s Big City Greens, and other different cartoons and shows on the Disney channel. I rarely watch cable tv anymore as well. I watch Hulu, Netflix, Roku Channel/Live TV, Pluto, ID Go, on Roku TV or my Fire TV in my bedroom now. Plenty of changes occurring in my life are continuing to happen to make my life better. More later .

 Nighttime At Home

The kitty kids had the entire house/apartment all day, and I believe they were good all day. If Magic gets rough with Millie, she has plenty of places to hide from him. Yep, her big brother can be naughty sometimes. Does his roughness bother me much? I do not know how to say it, but I can say that yes, I do worry a lot when I hear a new of distress from my five-month-old kitten I have had for two weeks. She is just a baby yet, and Magic is three years old and should know better. With Millie here for two weeks now, Magic has changed a little, and he is one big brother for Millie today. I love Magic and Millie, and Magic is my number one boy cat and Millie is number one kitten at the moment five months old. Anyway, the kitty kiddos had been free all the time I was gone to dialysis from 11:45 AM – 2:45 PM, and I have to be downstairs before 11 AM on my treatment days. Anyway, the kitty kiddos will be able to to roam, play, and sleep anyway in the house tonight while I sleep in my bed that is now in my bedroom. I hope and pray Magic is nice to his little sister Millie. 

Once again, on my Pluto app on my TV (Fire TV in my bedroom), I have been watching Matlock. Andy Griffith, one of my favorite actors I have watched growing up watching The Andy Griffith Show and Matlock, and movies he starred in always made me smile. I felt at home in Mayberry, too, and in Atlanta. Midsomer Murders are watched at times, too.

Dialysis Update

It has been two weeks now since my catheter has been having positional issues. I have bit not been able to read or play games on my iPad or use my phone during treatment. Sitting still is very hard because two hours and forty-five minutes seems like forever some days, and I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression lately because I am not on the proper medication for third two things happening in my world right now. Now, for the past two weeks, my happiness has come back, and that is because I have my baby girl kitty now, and Magic has a play date for a few years. I love both kitty cats. Now if I have to sit still, I have to do my best not to get frustrated and have a crying spell I call the beginning of a meltdown. Otherwise, dialysis going okay. I just have to watch the Disney channel on their TV they have foe us at every chair. Friday will be here soon enough and a new day.

Getting Ready for the Christmas Holidays

Even though the Christmas holiday turns me into an emotional wreck every year since my twenties, I am getting ready to celebrate the Christmas holidays with friends and neighbors, and my family. This holiday season I have to go to dialysis on Sunday, December seems to be the busiest month this year foe the first time in a long time. I am getting gifts for my parents and sister as we are having our Christmas and dinner on December 26^th this year at my place. My parents are getting cheeses, cheesecakes, and what gifts I have are already here. It is my furniture: a love seat couch and swivel chair recliner. My newest family member Millie Rose Blossom loves the chair! This is also, the first time KLK has ever been to my home ever. She was always a busy person wiry her job at Target when she worked for the famous store in Milwaukee, and now, she works for Cintas.

Letting my two babies roam the night all around the apartment, I slept in my lift chair last night. It was no mistake where I slept, but I should have slept in bed once JP and DH did come to help with my bowel mishap. Am I embarrassed that I mention about my poop mishaps? No, I am not. I am not embarrassed to mention it nor wear disposable underwear that is a disposable diaper for adults. I have, even though having kidney disease, and we all call it recognizance. I pee very little urine these days. Now I am waiting for my turn at the dialysis center’s hemodialysis machine.

JP and DH are trying to put my new dresser and tv table for the bedroom together this morning. DH took me downstairs and put my cat jacket on, then went back upstairs to help JP with the new piece of furniture for my bedroom. Yep, I no longer have my long dresser and JP found me a nice dresser that will also be my bedroom tv table in my bedroom. It is nice and pretty cool. I had to get rid of the long dresser, but a good neighbor got it instead of taking it to the dump. My long dresser was still in great shape, and I have had my dresser ever since 1998. Yes, old, but in great shape to this day. My dressers: tall and long, and bed, and bedside table came as a set from Crazy Joe’s (a store that no longer exists in downtown Janesville, Wisconsin). Even my bedside table is gone too. I am also down a big bookshelf, too. I have one bookshelf now, too. My place is shaping up with new things. My dad will be bringing my table and chairs, and Grandpa’s end tables he made seventy years ago. or more. Yes, my grandpa C.V. Fox made their end tables. My dad took the kitchen table and chairs and Grandpa’s end table to spruce them up a bit as they are well used and still in great condition.

This is the first time I have been able to write my thoughts of the day. Between cat meows and mews, watching two cats, one three years old and the other is five months, chasing one another, and Magic being too rough enough times that eventually makes you worry plenty, finding the time to write is now evening. For the first time to write is now while watching Matlock on Pluto. Yep, no Midsomer Murders today except one episode on Roku Live channel. I learned that the Pluto TV app has a live channel as well. What am I doing with Spectrum TV, then? Paying $84.00 a month for fifteen channels I have not watched in three months now since I discovered Roku Live TV where there is a channel for Murder, She Wrote, Midsomer Murders, Doctor Who, and CSI: Miami or CSI: NY. Today and tonight, it is Matlock on Pluto app. The cats are roaming the entire apartment tonight while I, once again, plan to sleep in my lift chair all night.

Yesterday was a cold day and today was another cold day. I did not go anywhere today like after dialysis, I went to the bank with DH in tow to get $10 worth of quarters for laundry. Today, the mailman came with a letter from my mom saying I owed $4.44 because it was deemed a package, not a letter. The letter was deemed a package with postage owed or the item would be sent back to my mother stating it is a package and a letter or card. I paid the postage due out of my laundry quarters, and JP was not too happy. Talked to my mom and she was livid. Mom does not trust the post office. Today, I do not like the post office either.

JP called the post office and explained the situation to one of the workers and they told her that the letter turned into a package because it would not go through a certain letter slot they had. How Mom mailed it, the post carrier said I owed a fee or the piece of mail would have to go back to my mom. After JP’s call, she went to the post office and tried to get my money back. I also learned that the mail carrier did not have six cents to give me for the $4.50 I had to give because of not enough postage on what the post office said was a package when it was a homemade Christmas card and two homemade cat toys my mom made for the kiddos/kitty cats.

7:30 PM

Dear Jesus,

There are sirens out there. That means the ambulance has a patient who is heading to the hospital right now or could already be there. Whatever has been going on out there, please watch over this patient. If it was the police authorities handling a criminal or complaint, please watch over the people involved. Thank you, Jesus.

Lovingly, Kristi K

Between 7 PM-9 PM

I ended up having a second bowel movement of the day. I thought, as big as my bowels have been lately. Today my bowels have been hard, and my hemorrhoids bled a little, and I required a Tucks on the hemorrhoid for the first time in a while—about two to three months. I ended up calling JP for help and within minutes. JP and DH were here to help so I could have a bowel movement in the right place we call the toilet. I thought I pooped in my disposable underwear. When DH and JP came to changed what was supposed underwear, but it turned out to be only a smear of poop, and yet I had a bowel movement in the proper room we call the bathroom these days. What a night. JP and DH left within the hour. Again, what a night!

With a new day started, I have decided to put Millie in the bedroom and allow Magic to roam the rest of the apartment. I am heading to dialysis shortly, and I want two alive cats when I get home. Also, no one is going to be home from 10:45 AM – 3:15 PM. I do not want squabbles and wrestles to harm either cat. It is for their safety and for my peace of mind, I want Magic to get along with Millie. Millie is here to stay as his sister, companion, and daily play date. Millie is not going anywhere until she crosses the rainbow bridge as two cats before her have. RIP Emilee and Bing. Now I have Magic and Millie, and having two cats at one time was only a dream at one time, though. Now my dream has become a reality in my life twelve days ago even though I wanted JP and DH to wait a little longer. The past ten days have made me happier, though. The first two nights were a little rough knowing a five-month-old kitten was shut in my bedroom and Magic and I were sleeping in the living room, and my bed was not going into my bedroom until Sunday afternoon. Sunday night was rough because Magic kept crying while Millie and I were shut in the bedroom all night.I ended up having a meltdown; a quiet crying spell for the first time so I would not scare Millie who was yet skittish due to the fact she was a kitten from the Rock County Humane Society. When did my cats come from the local humane society? Emilee in 1990, Bing 2006, Magic 2020, and Millie 2023. More information: Emilee was seventeen years old and six months and two weeks old before she crossed the rainbow bridge, Bing was fifteen years old when he crossed the rainbow bridge. As for Magic and Millie, they are still with me because Magic is three years old, and Millie is five months old. If I wrote that Magic and Millie are three years and five months old, I would be wrong. It would mean they are both three years and five months old. I think so anyway. Well, it is time for me to get downstairs to wait for my ride, 

16

I have decided last night to sleep in my recliner so the cats could roam free in the entire apartment.  I will return to bedroom Monday night, though. The kiddos/kitties behaved for the most part, but at times there were squabbles I had to wake up to get peace and quietness before going back to sleep. Their squabbles are short and sweet, but loud at night, waking me up from sleep at night in the dark that sometimes scares me. They will need their space when I go to dialysis for almost 5 hours as I leave at 10:30 am to shortly to 3 PM on dialysis days on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

17

Discipline

Magic wrestled with Millie three times while I was having supper and trying to relax after dialysis. Because Magic was not being nice to his sister, they were going to be separated for the night. Millie in the bedroom with me and Magic in the rest of the apartment/house. He has to learn to be nice to the girl kitty because she is here to stay. Millie is Magic’s sister, companion, and play date from this forward. Yes, give and take it is has been twelve days Millie has been here so far, and Magic has come a long way not being the only cat in the household today when it takes several weeks to two years for two cats to get along. Tomorrow is a new day.

Good Morning & What A Night

Last Friday, December 9, 2023, a new kitty came to live with me and Magic Kitty. Her name is Millie Rose Blossom. She has been skittish and nervous for a while, but she doesn’t seem so skittish and nervous now. She wants to hide a lot, but that is okay. Today the were the cats first day out in the living room loose all day after being shut in my bedroom at night getting used to each other while Millie Rose is in her kennel. Last night was their first night being in the bedroom, Millie and Magic were good to one another, but there were a couple of squabbles between the two of them. Millie, afraid of crinkling noises when we first brought her home, had laid in the tunnel making it crinkle all by herself. She is not afraid id the crinkling sound anymore. All night long, she was making the tunnel have crinkling sound, keeping me awake and aware she was roaming about the room with Magic on his watch. He watches Millie a lot as well as following g her about the room. I do not know if Magic’s watching her is that of protecting her or just being jealous of the fact she is now in his territory. The past nine days have been interesting.

What is Going on Today

We have allowed Millie to be out in the living room. Yes, she has the ability to roam the entire house today. Magic and Millie have been playing together or alone while having the chance to roam the entire apartment today. Tonight, I will be sleeping in the living room so the kiddos/kitties can roam the house all night long. That includes bedroom (with the door open) living room, kitchen, bathroom, and hallway. Behaving for most part, the cats were under the love seat couch a lot, LOL. Millie still likes to hide, but I’ve seen her from time to time.

Now the Darkness

With it being dark after 4:30 PM sleep in the living room tonight while and my caregivers gone for the evening and night, the only light in the room is from the Christmas tree lights and television. I cannot see otherwise. I called JP and told her that I need a light out here., and I cannot see the kitties if there was a squabble. JP told me that she had tomorrow and Monday off, and the kiddos/kitties will be fine, and DH can get one of the lamps from my bedroom long dresser (I no longer have the long dresser) will get the lamps from closet tomorrow afternoon. Magic brought Millie to me to see she was just fine.  Ok, the cats can be l, and I will sleep in the living room tonight. Hmmm, good for my babies.

One Cat to Two Cats 

Oh, my goodness gracious, I have been a one cat household until December 9, 2023. Now I am a two-cat household. Oh, my goodness? Did I ever expect to have two cats? Well, no not at this time that my disability had changed a year ago, but my caregiver JP thought it would help my Magic a lot having a companion to play with would help him. This past 9 s days have proven a success for the most part of his 3 years of age and her age of 5 months. Millie can hold her own with his squabbling from time to time. For the past nine days, I can say, ‘It has been fun watching the cats bond as they play and get to know each other. Anticipation of them getting along had been questionable because she was deemed a feral cat, but it has been founded that she is not feral in our book of cat behavior. 

Well, tomorrow will bring on another day of joy and wonderment to the household with now, two cats in the apartment household. It has been fun watching the kitties at play together and bonding. I love them both. Now I have to love and give attention to both equally as possible as I can, Millie has been curious and very watchful of me the past two days. What a kitty getting her job as an emotional support pet.

Good Morning & What A Night

Last Friday, December 9, 2023, a new kitty came to live with me and Magic Kitty. Her name is Millie Rose Blossom. She has been skittish and nervous for a while, but she doesn’t seem so skittish and nervous now. She wants to hide a lot, but that is okay. Today the were the cats first day out in the living room loose all day after being shut in my bedroom at night getting used to each other while Millie Rose is in her kennel. Last night was their first night being in the bedroom, Millie and Magic were good to one another, but there were a couple of squabbles between the two of them. Millie, afraid of crinkling noises when we first brought her home, had laid in the tunnel making it crinkle all by herself. She is not afraid id the crinkling sound anymore. All night long, she was making the tunnel have crinkling sound, keeping me awake and aware she was roaming about the room with Magic on his watch. He watches Millie a lot as well as following g her about the room. I do not know if Magic’s watching her is that of protecting her or just being jealous of the fact she is now in his territory. The past nine days have been interesting.

What is Going on Today

We have allowed Millie to be out in the living room. Yes, she has the ability to roam the entire house today. Magic and Millie have been playing together or alone while having the chance to roam the entire apartment today. Tonight, I will be sleeping in the living room so the kiddos/kitties can roam the house all night long. That includes bedroom (with the door open) living room, kitchen, bathroom, and hallway. Behaving for most part, the cats were under the love seat couch a lot, LOL. Millie still likes to hide, but I’ve seen her from time to time.

Now the Darkness

With it being dark after 4:30 PM sleep in the living room tonight while and my caregivers gone for the evening and night, the only light in the room is from the Christmas tree lights and television. I cannot see otherwise. I called JP and told her that I need a light out here., and I cannot see the kitties if there was a squabble. JP told me that she had tomorrow and Monday off, and the kiddos/kitties will be fine, and DH can get one of the lamps from my bedroom long dresser (I no longer have the long dresser) will get the lamps from closet tomorrow afternoon. Magic brought Millie to me to see she was just fine.  Ok, the cats can be l, and I will sleep in the living room tonight. Hmmm, good for my babies.

One Cat to Two Cats 

Oh, my goodness gracious, I have been a one cat household until December 9, 2023. Now I am a two-cat household. Oh, my goodness? Did I ever expect to have two cats? Well, no not at this time that my disability had changed a year ago, but my caregiver JP thought it would help my Magic a lot having a companion to play with would help him. This past 9 s days have proven a success for the most part of his 3 years of age and her age of 5 months. Millie can hold her own with his squabbling from time to time. For the past nine days, I can say, ‘It has been fun watching the cats bond as they play and get to know each other. Anticipation of them getting along had been questionable because she was deemed a feral cat, but it has been founded that she is not feral in our book of cat behavior. 

Well, tomorrow will bring on another day of joy and wonderment to the household with now, two cats in the apartment household. It has been fun watching the kitties at play together and bonding. I love them both. Now I have to love and give attention to both equally as possible as I can, Millie has been curious and very watchful of me the past two days. What a kitty getting her job as an emotional support pet.