Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

I am awake for a while watching Midsomer Murders on Tubi this morning. JP will be here by 10 AM while DH will be here at 7:30 AM for an hour before she goes to Bethel Baptist Church for Bible study and worship service. I guess MP, a friend of DH’s and my Garden Court neighbor on the third floor is going to church with DH today. Good for both of them.

Yesterday’s company at 11 AM and 3 PM was a lot of company. Too bad my parents were not here at 3 PM when my boyfriend and his mom came. They missed meeting him. Yep, I have a boyfriend who I love dearly, and they have not met him yet, and we have been together nine years now. I have NOTHING TO HIDE HERE. My parents have never met KB to this day.

I have been thinking of my mom and her abandoning her mother duties in 1982 and Dad getting custody of us kids at age 12 (me) and my brother GLK at age 16. It was not thought of as abandoning us because I was too young to understand it. At least I had dad and his wife as my parents at the time. No, I did not know that SBK was the woman he had an affair with that broke up mon and dad’s marriage in 1979 when dad left home as we kids watched dad walk down the stairs to the garage to leave in his blue truck. I had tears running down my cheeks and my brother was standing next to me by our bathroom and bedrooms. I was, not knowing the word yet at age 9, dumbfounded and confused by dad’s leaving, and not loving mon anymore. What a traumatic experience for a 9-year-old. Oh, my GOODNESS GRACIOUS, Jesus. What an experience one day can destroy happiness for a while and not be forgotten for years to come. Did I expect to remember this 44 years later—probably not because I do have a good memory.

Understanding now that mom threw away her mom duties today, I am glad I do not have any two legged children myself. I would really not want my mom to know know them and shed her love to the kids. With my brother having three kids now grown and out of the home, the kids do not know their Grandma, our mother. The last time mom saw and heard the kids was BLK, CAK and RK were small. RK was a baby. The kids do not know or remember my mother. GLK and mom stopped communicating when RK was a baby. Seeing a scene between Mom, Papa, and TAK was enough to know something bad was going to happen for my New Mexico parents who had a home in Janesville, Wisconsin at that time. My mother can put her foot in a big sinkhole at times. I do not feel sorry for my mom anymore. I am angrier with her today, and I do not know what to do about it. A mother who abandoned her duties as a parent and now does not have the money to come visit for a few days and has a husband who does not keep jobs for long or never retired from any of his jobs and hobbies. Yeah, I am pissed off, and unfortunately, I am mad at the wrong parent again. I need to be mad at my mom for abandoning me and her mother duties, and not at my dad, but I am kind of mad at him for not teaching me to have a backbone or thicker skin. I am very emotional and deal with anxiety and depression during the winter months we have from October to March when spring returns for another season of sun and warmth. I wonder what this winter will bring. I guess we will find out soon enough.

With time ticking by, I need to go for now. I will write more later. TTFN…

It is going on 11 PM Saturday night, and I have not written anything about my day yet. I wanted to do that before closing up shop for the night as the night goes to Sunday. Anyway, I had Dad and SBK here for our turkey dinner of turkey, mashed potatoes with sour cream, green bean casserole KLK made for the holiday meal, and it was delicious. Dad, SBK visited with us for while  before eating dinner together with three plates microwaved separately, but we ate together. JP just sat on the bed and chatted with us, breaking the monotony of conversation pieces of politics, my kids as a kid when my mom practically abandoned us two kids, my brother GLK and I in 1982 and has not visited since we last saw each other in 2010 when I went down to see mom and papa (my stepdad) in Carlsbad, New Mexico for Thanksgiving. That was when things began to change for me physically as well. I went from cane to walker shortly after getting back to Wisconsin. I have not traveled since then. We also talked about Mom’s last visit that, according to JP is sad, and it makes me angry, and Dad agreed n his way because and his wife SBK ended up taking custody of my brother GLK and me in 1982. Yes, mom gave me a kidney six years later, but now 35 years later, I have been dialysis for five years, since April 24, 2019, but at the clinic May 7, 2019. I spent a few days as an inpatient and learning the dialysis machine. In November 1987-March. 12, 1988, I did peritoneal dialysis at home with my stepmother SBK’s time each night hooking me up to the machine. Since the transplant lasted 31 years before dialysis became a part of my life again, I found the perfect doctor in Nephrology. That doctor has been Dr. A all these years now. I had time to choose hemodialysis this time and have been doing so for five years now. We also talked about Covid 19 and the vaccines that I never got and how the UW and most of the hospitals want all of the patients to have the vaccines to be on the list. Dad and SBK agree it is ridiculous that we need to be vaccinated with Covid vaccines when they have stopped their vaccine updates. SBK ended up losing her hearing in one of her ears. JP never got vaccinated because friends ended up sick with diabetes or ended up with an illness after getting vaccinated. Amazing how the government plays with the people? Absolutely disgusting and ridiculous to be honest with you. Did China really create Covid? Wonderment in rage making. What conversation pieces, huh? Do not get my dad started on politics or you have a caged lion ready to escape the cage by ramming the cage door with its head. What topics at dinner?

More Company

Dad and SBK left for the day to head back to Milwaukee. Lunch was delicious and good, and for Christmas we are going to have ground steak, green bean casserole, and mashed potatoes. Thanksgiving and Christmas with Grandma Fox’s cream cheese potatoes is a must have for the holidays. The call I got while talking to JP in my bedroom was jb a one, I could not say no to?KB and TB over for a couple of hours and sat around listening to Christian music that was on KB’s cell phone. It was a quiet afternoon in my home this afternoon between 3 PM and 4 PM. JP was in the bedroom getting ready to move the bed back to the bedroom—declutterring the bedroom. The bedroom unfortunately is a catch all room right now. I have spent days and nights in the living room in past year now. I am moving up in the world once again—I think, lol.

The Rest of the Afternoon

After KB and TB left, JP got my snacks and waters replenished in their respectable water bottles, and the snacks aplenty with protein bars, rice cakes, and fruit snacks, then left for the day with the plan to return tomorrow by 10 AM. We have Spectrum coming c in the morning about internet connection in a different area of the apartment—possible spot in the living room. I believe was a phone line and not a cable line. I have to wait until tomorrow morning to see at 11 AM.

With the Thanksgiving Day festivities out of the way for the most part, my parents from Arkansas a year ago moved back to Wisconsin a year ago. They live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin about 30 minutes from KLK’s place (my sister). Dad and his wife SBK are coming to Janesville to have our Thanksgiving meal since I was not with them or have not had Thanksgiving dinner at their home for years now. I have been dialyzing at the dialysis center since May 7, 2019, and have not travelled since 2010 when I visited Mom and Papa (my stepfather).

I have run to the bathroom, lol, walked to the bathroom, changed my underwear, and gotten dressed for the day. My hair is brushed, and I am ready for my parents to be here for lunch of turkey, mashed potatoes, and vegetables, and maybe stuffing. I heard we are having cheesecake for dessert. Sounds good to me. Does it sound good? Maybe so? It sure does.

JP got here by 9:30-9:45 AM and got me ready for the day was telling me her thoughts about bingo night last evening in the community room. Although we had a good turnout, there were neighbors she was not fond of being there. SR and P, both female tenants of Garden Court rubbed JP the wrong way. It was not pleasant or fun to watch and listen to the ramblings of the neighbors bitching and complaining about people who do not live here and are playing bingo. My caregiver JP was helping me play bingo, too. A tenant SR can be a royal pain in the butt. Many people say ass and SR can be a real bitch and a half at times. JP does not want me to talk to SR anymore. I get it. SR is mean to my caregiver when I am not in the picture. Some people, like SR, are pains in the asses more than kind.

My Thoughts on Bingo Night

Please believe me when I say I had some fib at Bingo tonight. I had to recline in my power chair because sitting on my butt for too long in my power chair makes or sore. I even tooted a few times because my bowels are moving tonight. Oh, my goodness, I am so glad that I did not get bowel in my underwear. That would have been embarrassing and I mean very embarrassing for both of us. JP helped with my bingo card, and I won three games.

There was a good a good crowd for bingo tonight. Even KW and her mother-in-law were playing bingo, and other neighbors were playing along and having a good time. The only part of me that was not having a good time was my butt siting in my recliner for three hours.

There were neighbors I did not know existed and there was this neighbor I did not like at all as she left the room with her gift because she was tired of people trading for her gift and when she left, JP thought she was being a sourpuss. I had to agree. She thinks, JP, that this neighbor should be exempt from the next bingo night, and a trustworthy neighbor said that she will talk to this neighbor about being what she is, a sourpuss. I do not blame JP for her thoughts even though the bingo caller said that you find people like that on bingo night all the time. 

Bingo is going on in the community room tonight. I am doing okay, but my bottom is sore to sit normally in my power chair for a long length of time. Won two games, and the swapping of wrapped gifts is kind of fun, but someone swapped out my wrapped gift with paper towels JP does not like. Go figure, lol. Bingo tonight is quite a turnout tonight. We did not go to the last bingo because we were not feeling good. JP was sick with something while my ears were ere plugged up from dealing with a cold at the same time JP had been sick and unable to work for a few days. It is frustrating for me.

I will be done with dialysis shortly. I am feeling the tiredness of my day. JP and I are going downstairs to play bingo with some of the good tenants. A neighbor or two have a caregiver who does bingo nights. I am tired and will make an appearance for a while tonight in the community room at Garden Court.

With my parents coming over tomorrow by 11 AM to celebrate Thanksgiving with turkey, mashed potatoes with sour cream from Grandma Fox’s recipe stash of yummy food, and maybe corn or peas, my Thanksgiving dinner with them is a must have since they are still alive. Even though I have Christmas and New Years left to celebrate, I wish the holidays. would be over now. Celebrating is kind of hard now-a-days that now my parents come after the day celebrated because they celebrate the holiday day with my sister KLK. I have not been invited to celebrate the holiday with yet. KLK’s house has a lot of steps, and I cannot get in her house at all. No, I am jealous—just hurting a bit. My parents can have Thanksgiving at their apartment and invite me for the day since the clinic is closed on holiday days. It is just how I feel the holidays now. That is how I feel and I am talking to JP about later today when I see her.

I thought, although late and it will be midnight soon enough. I am ready to see the holidays over with now, but I have Christmas and New Years to contend with. I have my parents in Milwaukee, Wisconsin coming Saturday by 11 AM for Thanksgiving dinner of turkey, Grandma Fox’s mashed potatoes with sour cream (yummy for the tum tum, LOL).

Good afternoon, friends. Watching the first season of Midsomer Murders on Tubi. It is the second episode. The show lasts for an hour and forty-five minutes long like a movie usually does. Although I have watched the first season several times and a few shows because it was late at night or I napped for a while. JP texted me tell me when she will be over for a while to take care of me. My mom called for a moment before heading to the neighbors she and Papa were going to share their day with. My Dad texted wishing me a good day, and the turkey was cooking and the mashed potatoes were made, and that they he and his wife SBK will be here. The B is SBK’s maiden name Braun. It is pronounced brown like the crayon color brown. Now with the second show over, I am watching the third show The Hallow Man. The show that was on minutes ago was almost over by the time I began writing. John Nettles, the British actor was on the first thirteen seasons of the series, the. Neil Dudgeon was on rage program. All is fine and good.

I am still groggy and wanting to nap and sleep. The sun is shining brightly through my living room window practically blinding me, lol. Truly, yes, and warm on my right face check. I cannot wait until JP gets here with food or not. I will talk about Midsomer Murders later. Until then, adios for now. Goodbye for now.

My omelette was delicious and the toast added to the nice touch. I had three dill pickles as well. Now, DH is doing the dishes and getting my water and cup of ice ready for the morning and afternoon before JP gets here. Before she goes off to celebrate Thanksgiving and her son’s birthday, she will get my snacks, and plenty of them, ready for the rest of the morning and afternoon until JP gets here.