Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

Waiting To Move Again

When I first moved here, I was so happy to get away from Burbank Plaza after having the last couple of years or so be crappy over there. Please forgive my swearing today. My happiness disappeared while living there because of he neighbors not abiding by the rules of a peaceful environment. A certain neighbor, having been evicted since, had caused enough trouble that our friendship was dissolved because of her damn boyfriend. Other neighbors did not understand what was going on and blamed me for the eviction of the neighbor and began to treat me like shit. I had to get away from Burbank Plaza and get a new lease on life as of October 1, 2020. I was very happy to get out of there to the place I called home will staying at KW’s and JW’s years ago. Now I was going to have my own place in my new home even though it was another apartment. Now, three years later, and with sic months not living in my own home due to health issues, I have become very unhappy living at Garden Court. Ugh!

My mom and my caregiver have done some research about Garden Court. Even though I have loved it here and argued with both of them when my happiness was strongest at rye time, I did listen to my mother when she explained in great detail about Garden Court and the problems about the management, the homeless hanging g around and lurking about in the area, and other problems a large place have. I began to see what my mom was saying and agreed to fill out another application at Riverview Heights. Now, since last year beginning in July 2022, my happy home became unhappy, and now I am waiting for a new lease on life once again elsewhere. This place has become one of the worst places to live. I can see why a former tenant moved to Burbank Plaza when they moved from Garden Court.

Although my needs have changed and I need help on a daily basis more than I have in the past year and a half, my life at Garden Court has become a place of dread. I have dealt with a lot of negative emotion lately, and I am not as happy as I was when I first moved to Garden Court. I am having difficulty accepting the fact that my CP has changed in the past year and a half, and I am using a power chair, need someone around to make sure I transfer from bed to chair without falling or losing my balance. My ability to walk has been relearned through sessions of physical therapy. It has been an emotional few months and feel my caregivers do not understand that my feelings about my life have changed to feeling I have no life at while my caregivers do have lives outside my door. Ugh! I have screamed out my feelings at them several times and have been told to knock it off or I will be in a nursing home permanently, and no one threatens NEVER and get away with it or they are out of my life forever. No one threatens me! I have already let someone go from working with me because she has hurt me emotionally to the point of threatening me if she quits, JP will follow suit where I will be forced to live in a nursing home. I cannot have this person in my home alone anymore, either. In fact, the last time I saw her was a couple of weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon when JP and DH were here discussing my need to be checked out by a doctor because I was possibly with an infection of some sort, UTI, and was not acting quite right—hallucinating again. I was not alone with this person and was comfortable with her being here. I reluctantly went to the ER and stayed two nights.

My u happiness has become a nightmare of sleepless nights at Garden Court, and now I have black mold in my air conditioning unit in the damn wall! What else could go wrong living here. I need a handicapped accessible apartment complex apartment and Riverview Heights has the apartment I need, and my home now is not because at Garden Court there are no handicapped accessible apartment units available right now. Another UGH. Oh well, I am on a waiting list with Riverview Heights now, and JP is staying updated with them. Now black mold has to be dealt with at my place.

Black Mold?

There is black mode in my air conditioner. We called last week about it, and nothing has been done about it, yet. How wrong is that? It is a health risk and not a good thing. Management here sucks and I believe that makes me wonder about the property management company that head of this building does not really care about their tenants. The homeless hang around outside the building 24/7 and get into the building to sleep in the lobby or in the stairwells of the complex. There are tenants who need to be evicted because they cause trouble, and there is one specific tenant on the third floor who needs to be kicked out of here, too, it makes me sick to see that that management is so laid back and allow tenants to defend for themselves as they take tenant complaints down. Ugh! When my time to move gets closer, it makes my wait to get out more enjoyable. Calling the police does not help much anymore.

Okay? What gets he in the happy mood to get to leave this place and asshole tenants and neighbors who make it unpleasant to live here and management takes their sweet time taking care of the troublemakers. Riverview Heights has great management and tenants. There are no activities going on at Garden Court like they had years ago. Covid had a part in that in 2020 through to the here and now. It is very sad to say. Tenants’ sir in the lobby and chat about other tenants during the week Monday through to Sunday.Yeah, there are a few young tenants in here who do not follow the rules or care about rules as if they do not exist. I follow the rules to show that I am a bigger and better person than many of the tenants living here. The tenants who have lived whew longer than I have, I do not show myself off to any of them when I need to prove I am a bigger and better person than any of the tenants in my age group, why bother! Live your own life.

Just like at Burbank Plaza in recent years and months of living there, I stay in my apartment most of the time and day when home. I do not want to be part of the conversation with tenants I do like. I would rather come and go when.necessary without staying downstairs too long. Now, when JP is working, she likes to be downstairs chatting with the neighbors, then I will with reluctance. I just do not like being a part of a chatty group of gossipers. Gossip gets people in trouble along the way.

When I saw a certain neighbor, I just felt sick to my stomach and wished her ill will at that moment. I do have hatred in my heart for people lime BP. She is a little bitch. I cannot wait to be gone from this place to start a new life elsewhere from Garden Court.

Good Night

It is time to say good night. Good night everyone.

 With the fact that I have a lot going on, my caregiver announces best friend JM does not work for me right now. She is so much like my dad and I cannot explain in detail right now. I can say that she has scared me enough that having her in my home alone is not happening for a while, I invited her a couple of #@turdays ago and she said possibly. She never came over nor did she say she was not coming. I would have appreciated a text from her that she was not coming, and I told her so the best I could, and told her because she did not text she was not coming, I will not invite her for a while. Her response was ‘ok’. No apology along with it. It hurts my heart enough. I can no longer allow some things in my home. I am no longer happy living at Garden Court because the homeless getting in because other tenant buzz them in. There is one tenant, who is a male, gets in other people’s business and starts fights. Change and I do not mix well.I have to have warning about any change going on because it works better for me. I know it sounds weird and/or crazy, but it is true for me. I need time to soak it in. I have no idea why change and I collide, but I have not figured it out all these years. When I do figure it out, change and I will be friends, and I will be very happy to tell everyone—believe me, ok? Ok, good enough.

My caregiver DB mentioned something about the public library to me. Since the library is not open anymore today, we will call the library tomorrow to inquire about the free program called Hoopla. She went to the library the other day to inquire about the program for me, and a former student colleague looked into my library card and found some old fines I started to pay off, saw the lateness and of them, and waived them permanently. I am looking forward to looking into it tomorrow afternoon.woohoo.

Time to say good night. Good night everyone.

Ok, I am dealing with some very emotional stuff right now. It is hard to accept my CP has aged and I need more help than usual. I have been home almost a year now and laying around is not my cup of tea. I want to be able to go out when I want to but right now is a no go. The loss of independence has been felt for months, weeks, and days. I have cried a lot this past year. It has been a rough road to walk these days.

Up unto two months ago, I have not had my nails done. Getting them done once a month made me very happy. When I found a gal who does nails nearby my apartment building, I have gotten my nails done three times now. The place is called The Cat’s Meow. I have some normalcy back into my life that makes me happy, yet I struggle and cry a lot out of frustration and remembering walking from one side of town to the other years ago, and always walking to high school.

The moment of truth has arrived. I was in the hospital for a couple of days at the end of the month of September. I thought I was given an antibiotic for a UTI, but my records on MyChart does not show I was taking one for eight days. I looked at my list of meds and shared it with JP my caregiver, and she did not see that there was an antibiotic listed. We both saw that a probiotic called Culturelle was listed. While at the hospital, no one told me or JP if I had a UTI. Also, I was hospitalized for two days. I was hallucinating big time. I thought I was hearing Miley Cyrus, her Dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, Emily Osment, and while watching Rizzoli & Isles, they were talking about getting to Janesville to help me and Rizzoli played by Angie Harmon was going on about helping me and getting all the details from her workers and was asked to turn her hear white for me. I even saw Emily Osment say on TV on a so-called special that her kidney was a match and was planning on coming to Janesville to help out. Mind you, I am seeing and hearing things, okay? I am hallucinating like I was in 2019, but as bad because I have a UTI. I even thought that Joni Eareckson-Tada was here. I thought I heard my brother out in the hallway meeting everyone. Again, remember, I am hallucinating. Now Rizzoli and Isles has not been running for a while; it is playing in syndication on cable channels. Hannah Montana runs on syndication on Disney+. Let me explain further if you are still confused. I am tired of getting sick somehow.

When I hallucinated back in 2019, it was because I was taking Ativan for blood pressure. Within four days I began to feel, taste, see, and smell things that were not really there. The nurses put in a camera in my room because I kept trying to get out of bed and walk with my walker, and one time I had gotten near the closed door of my room, and I had fallen against the wall, and a nurse came running into my room and saw me go down. Because I was hallucinating, I felt my walker trying to stop me from walking forward. The next time I remember is waking up and having been cathedral with bag to collect my urine, and that I had my head checked for anything out of the ordinary. Wow, right? Maybe so, but not fun.

A hallucination I had was the hospital was being hit by black balls with fire, and the camera turned into a breaded man wearing a hat, and where the on light was little fires were landing all over my bed, and I was hitting them as they came, and I could feel the bedspread creep up to try to smother me. I heard a voice telling me to end my life, but I told that voice I love Jesus.

During my time of hallucinations, I never left my room. I really did not know who was coming and going. Because of my hallucinating episodes, my stay in the hospital was a little longer. The doctor stopped giving me Ativan and was starting to get back to normal until a nurse DID NOT see the note and gave me a dose and I went loopy again.want to hear what else happened? Ok, let me tell you.

I thought President Trump was coming to take care of things in Janesville, Wisconsin. Remember the black balls of fire hitting the hospital and patients were being taken to safety. Well, I hallucinated that firemen and rescue teams were taking patients out through the windows and pushing the beds to safety. Cuckoo, right? Right! What a trip. I was also saying in a microphone that we need to get along with people no matter what their status was politically. Was I helping the President?I must have, but that is not all I saw in my hallucinating state of mind.

I had strange dreams. I dreamt that a nurse had a twin who was not a nice, and she took her sister’s place, and I found the nice nurse bound and gagged in a closet of her home and rescued her, and having her sister arrested for trying to harm her. Did the nurse really have a twin? I do not believe so. I also dreamt that a nurse was coming to take care of me by giving my meds and get my vitals. She had walked into my room and a nurse had asked for the nurse to help. The nurse said she needed to take of the crazy person first. Now, if a nurse really said, “Let me take care of this crazy person I here.” out loud or the nurse would have a talking to and let go. How I understand it was a bad dream, I told my doctor Dr. A what a saw and heard during my hallucinating state, and if a nurse said that her job could be in jeopardy or no more. Glad it was a dream. Another hallucination I had was even more frightening.

I saw a girl with a blue aura as well as a white aura about her. She was reading a book. I asked she what she was reading, a x she showed me. I even saw a cat waking about my room above me. For some reason, I found this cat not a threat. When I had trouble breathing the cat would come to help with cool air. Weird, right? Most definitely. I never left the room, but I remember a dream I had as if I just awakened from a bad dream. Here it goes.

I dreamt that the White House was being bombed and hit with black balls with fire. The President was not very happy with me. Other people were around me and were upset with me because I was considered a terrorist. I was put in a room while others were ushered into a glass inclosure waiting to evacuate the White House. All I could do was lay there and do my best not to move or say anything. Waking up to that dream could not have come any faster or fast enough.

What a sleepy day all day long. JP got here at 7:50 a.m., TB and KB got here at 1 p.m.. We visited while JP was here, and we watched a documentary program on Prime Video about a soldier who served in the Army and lost his arms and legs and lived to tell his story and how his family stuck together through the process. God has given this gentleman an attitude to overcome his disability in life. It was an amazing story. This gentleman has his own foundation where he helps other veterans who have fought and served their time have been honorable discharged due to loss of limbs like him. His name isTravis Hill, and the name could not be recalled earlier this morning. I had to wait until JP got here to ask about the gentleman. Oh, my goodness gracious.

The Documentary of Travis Mills  

I do my best to watch wholesome tv shows on the Sabbath that do not deal with the Bible or Christian-based programming. The Sabbath day can be long in the fall and winter months unfortunately.  I will watch the programs on 3ABN, but sometimes I get restless and tired of watching the same program over and over because it is a pre-recorded program. Anyway, getting back to Travis’s documentary, I watched it from the beginning and cried a little. Since KB and his mom was here, we watched about a soldier who lost both arms and legs due to detonator/bomb exploded when he put down his army backpack.

Travis Mills was in the military hospital for a while. His parents and wife and baby daughter went over to be with him. His medical needs got him discharged from the service. Honored to be in the service. 

Enough of my past now. More to come tomorrow.

Ahhh, the weekend has arrived. Physical therapy at 10:15 a.m. and dialysis from 11:45 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. The fact is that I got on early and was out the door by 2:45 p.m., and my caregiver JP just got to the building from grocery shopping for me. Therapy went smoothly after having some arm and leg exercises and stretches, and dialysis has been going smoothly all week. The idea of having weekends from Friday afternoon through to Sunday evening and returning to dialysis Monday morning is much better than going to dialysis on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Yep, I go Monday, Wednesday, and Friday now. My 3^rd session of therapy are one to two sessions a week for a white, and they are before dialysis these days. After dialysis, I got into the building, chatted with my neighbors and JP before heading upstairs for the weekend. I rarely go down to visit with other neighbors unless I am coming and going to appointments these days. 

Do I have plans? My boyfriend and his mom will be coming over. Right now, TB is on medical leave because of a fall while going downstairs while taking something outside. She is going to get her hand looked at on Tuesday, October 17^th. Until she finds out what happened to her hand — a broken bone, she is off of work for a while and has been for a month now. I feel for her.

I am looking forward to my weekend coming up tomorrow after dialysis is over. I have had two physical therapy appointments this week scheduled, and with the weather getting cooler to colder, my 3^rd session of physical therapy is one to two times a week for a little while. Trying to get better at walking again after not walking from when I had gotten a hematoma. I am tired and going to rest all weekend. I have KB and TB visiting this weekend Sabbath afternoon, too. I just want to lay in bed and watch Roku Channel Live as I have found some great channels to please my appetite and genre of programming from mystery, science fiction, games, Dance Moms being reality tv. As far as romance is concerned, I watch it once in a while.

I no longer use Grammarly. Trying to delete an account with them resulted to them taking $90 from my account in two weeks. The number we can call resulted to being told how to delete account, but it did not work. Grammarly became fraudulent and my bank had to put in a fraud claim. I got my $90 back. This incident turned out that my debit card had to be replaced, and my caregiver JP has denied me to memorize the numbers of my new debit card. It does piss me off a bit, but there is nothing I can do about it right now.

With my grandma Myra’s death still remembered from 1997 to today, I have to say I have fond memories of her to this day up to her death in 1997. I even remember getting my first cat Emilee Marie Cuddles in 1990 to help me with death. I had a plan, but God had his plan in place. My grandparents my mother’s side had died in 1997 and 2003, and Emilee passed away on November 14, 2006, at the age 16 years, 5 months, and 2 weeks. She lived a good, long life with me. She was my first sassy cat. We could have a conversation and every meow had never changed. She was very sassy and told you what she needed and wanted with gusto and never backed down. I got a white cat with blue eyes named Bing Crosby one month and four days later. He was a year and a half and lived 14 years with me, then I got a cat named Kirk from the humane society and changed his name to Magic Salem Victor, and he was 5 months old when I adopted him. He is a black cat with brown eyes. He is called a house panther, and he has sass like Emilee, the loves like Bing Crosby, and an attitude of his very own as well. Under his black fur you can see tabby markings, and he has a couple of spots that are white-on his chest, and a V-shape white spot on his belly. He is my third kitty and I believe that my first two cats are in Magic–a reminder of them I accept with my heart. I adopted Kirk/Magic on October 6, 2020, 7 days after Bing died because the silence was killing me, and I was seeing Bing’s spirit in the kitchen a few times, and I talked to him, and he said to get my black kitty. The day I met Kirk/Magic, was October 4, 2020, and brought him home on October 6, 2020. I have had for three years now, and this little boy has turned into a fine, sassy, wild cat, and last year we were separated from one another from July 28-November 14, 2022, because I was in the hospital because of Covid, a hematoma, and blood infection that put me in two nursing homes to recuperate. It was an experience that proved to be horrid experiences and losing trust in a doctor who planned to keep me in a nursing home for good. I left AMA, found a place for therapy sessions in December 2022-October 2023. I lost my ability to walk for a year and a half, and now I am transferring from bed, to commode, and to chair with my caregivers working with me and the hard work at therapy is paying off. I have used a Hoyer from November 2022 to four months ago. I feel I have been to hell and back once again since my transplanted kidney took for the worst in 2019 when I had to return to dialysis after 31 years since my transplant on March 12, 1988, thanks to my mother who donated a kidney.

Enough of my past now. More to come tomorrow.

With the anniversary of my grandma’s death still looming after twenty-six years on October 1, 1997. I miss my grandparents on my mom’s side of the family. Their phone number was easy to remember after all these years of course — 752-1003. Yes, I still remember it. For years now I have wanted to pick up the phone and dial the number to see if someone has the number today. I know no one has my old landline number 756-3977. Area codes left out on purpose. Oh, how I miss my grandparents these days when the family dynamics is going south. Family members do not talk to one another because of family members being snoopy, bring up the past, and we rarely get along anymore. My mom has spoken to her son since my nephew was a baby. My brother and his family saw Mom at my Uncle Ed’s funeral in April 30, 1997, that year Grandma Myra’s health took for the worst after that, and Grandma Myra died October 1, 1997. Grandpa Clarence died six years later on February 15, 2003, at the age of 91. He ended up with Alzheimer’s disease. Grandpa Clarence has been gone for twenty years while Grandma My has been gone for twenty-six years.

Also, on this day my childhood physical therapist CKG passed away from cancer in the early 2000s. To this day I miss her. I watched her son and daughter grow up.