My Day is Ending – RE: Today

My day is ending. Still very quiet. No phone calls all day long except for one and I did have one visitor. In fact my visitor and my only one phone call was the same person. Oh my goodness, my visitor was unexpected yes, so my attitude towards the call was rather very short and I could not even pay attention to the conversation at all really. How dumb of me! Here I waited patiently for my mom to call but no such call even came forth. About 5 p.m., three hours ago, my stomach got kind of sick and a headache is beginning to come on from feeling sick to my stomach. The feeling sick to my stomach comes from the fact that I anticipated my mom’s call all day and THAT DID NOT EVEN COME. How embarrassing of me to even anticipate as well as have high expectations of my own Mother. If my mom does ever call while she is in town, who knows what my reaction will be. I surely do not feel real good right now. Most of the time, when I feel so lost and wanting my mom in my life more than she has, I always get a sickening feeling in my stomach and a headache comes into play. My day, when I could have done something more important, was definitely wasted and this day can not be played over again. I HATE MYSELF sometimes. Oh well…I know I am not the only young woman who does not have a Mother in my life the way I see best. Forget the tough love bit…it will not go in one ear and process at all believe me. I have been around the block before regarding that whole tough love stuff even though I am only in my thirties today. Oh man…what on earth am I going to do now? Live my life with and without my mother and forget the high expectations and anticipation of my mother I guess.