The Beginning of Healing

We have yet to have the memorial and burial for my Grandpa Clarence but I have been noticing that I am at the very beginning of the healing process of losing my grandpa. Yesterday afternoon about 1 p.m., I went witn Nellie Mom and a couple of other friends to a tenants funeral service and dinner. Seeing Joe’s body in the casket at first frightened me but when I viewed his face I saw a peace on his face that confirmed he was not in any pain. I thought briefly about my grandpa and the fact that he was in pain and suffering when he was alive and he was no longer in pain or even suffering. With Grandpa Clarence’s past few years of life, he did not know anyone anymore and his life was in limbo after that for five years. Losing Grandpa Clarence has been tough and I have yet not had a good cry, that good cry may come at the end at the memorial and burial services. I have been thinking about it without trying to dwell on it, that death is not the final stage of life. If people believe in God and His Word, there is yet a resurrection of the dead when the 2nd Coming of Jesus happens. I have that hope of seeing my Grandpa Clarence again as we go home with Jesus. I still miss my Grandpa Clarence very much as I remember the good times with him when he was alive. Even when he was beginning to become ill with Alzheimer’s Disease (severe dementia) and it progressed quickly to his death, I have fond memories of visiting him and I am so glad that I had conquered and mastered the fear of seeing him in such a sick-like state. I do not know if I would have forgiven myself if I never saw Grandpa again during the last three years of his life. I feel somewhat guilty of not going to see him in New Mexico for the Thanksgiving holiday but I did not feel real comfortable missing three days worth of classes last semester since I was doing so well. Anyway, I am at the very beginning of the healing process. My heart still aches and feels a void and that will never go away but memories do live on forever to the day I die or begin to forget things because of severe dementia. I will not give up!!!!

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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