Bouncing Back and Forth In My Mind About That Relationship

Oh please do not get me wrong. I do not and WILL not want to get involved with Rick again after what he did to me and I feel like a total fool being so in love with him and truely being in love with him too! My love for Rick was genuine and true but not anymore. It is not quite hate either but of anger and disappointment. I keep going back and forth in my mind regarding this once fine relationship that went sour to nothing but hatred on his side of the coin. Yes, I have called him a prick not too long ago — earlier in the week — and that word was not a kind word indeed but his vengence is much worse than my own sweeter vengence. His is so great that it is becoming laughable still to this day. He is a jerk and a creep, and right now I do look at men a little differently. I do not hate all men but those who remind me my ex-boyfriends who hurt me greatly and used me because I am so nice and sweet.

I still do not know what to think about why this one relationship I was in have been overlooked and I was so blind by a man doing EVERYTHING for a woman and findiing that the man is just manipulative and possessive, and a woman’s control is easily stripped from her. A week now since the break up and it is taking soome time to get my life back on track right and it is NOT easy. i am on the rebound right now and NOT willing to have a man in my life that is more than friends. I am working on studies right now.

Now with a man not in my life, I can concentrate on my spiritual and education status of life that is so very important to me. I find Sociology and Psychology two classes that are very intense and worth learning about. When RIck and I were dating, I did not have a lot of time to study when Rick wanted to have time with me outside of schooll and that disturbed me after a while. He even got mad at wrote a friend of mine saying that he was lucky to see me twice a week at the most and so on. With that comment, I wanted to so badly but couldn’t because I am not the type to do so, to hit him until he saw the light that I was not going to give in to every little whim he had or wanted. I needed to time for myself too and I barely had the chance with him trying to track me down and such by phone — cell or home. He was a total idiot sometimes and he did make me mad a lot the last three months of our relationship which led to the thought of breaking up with him.

See…I can not get this sour relationship out of mind exactly because I will still be seeing him off and on during the week at church. Maybe, like my friend Papa Mick said to me last night…maybe he will realize that he will not get me back and he will leave the church himself and not be true to his baptismal vows and have gotten baptised for me and me alone.

Speaking of baptism…
I was tihnking about it last night when falling asleep and I realized that my baptism on December 27th was true and genuine. I did it for me and for my Lord and God. I feel good about this one decision I made this past year only a few weeks ago. I am happy to have made this decision.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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