Just ending my period the middle of the week, I still feel a little edgy and uncomfortable about things. I get so emotional sometimes and it scares me and my friends who love me dearly enough that they are seeing someone who is not the Kristi they know. This week, still feeling bad about the things I have said to my friends Janessa and Kelly, I have been having outbursts of words that are spoken before I even think. I have said some stuff that have been hurtful. Yesterday, beating myself up afterwards and Kelly did not like the idea of me beating myself for it, told me what was said that hurt her feelings very badly. When she told me, I did not cry, but after thinking about what was said, I became very scared for myself and my friends. I am still afraid of saying something wrong and accidently hurt my friends again. I do not want to lose my friends so I have to be on constant check with my words and my emotions. I have been thinking about taking a class on anger management and reading on anger management to help better myself and my emotions and moods. I have not been myself lately.
I do have to admit that I do not know what to think in regards to the break up from Rick even though I am the very one who broke it off from him. I have noticed that a lot of anger has come from that “not so good at the end” relationship that I feel I am dealing with a childlike man dealing with his little, silly, and rude antics behind my back. Rick has taken the break up a lot harder than I expected and yet I am trying to live my life away from him. I am afraid of being harmed or hurt more if I see him in my vision at any time. Rick has never hit me while we were dating but some of his actions were childlike actions and almost embarrassing and yet annoying. He has been telling people that I screwed him over so bad and I feel that I was screwed over by him because of his controlling ways of life. The anger I have been dealing with is no fun! I am, even though living my life, paying the price of someone else’s stupidity and jealousy.