Another Vent

Okay … was able to get downstairs to get what I wanted … saw the neighbor who would not help me with the favor playing cards with her man-friend. She definitely has her man-friend up her butt for sure. I rarely see this neighbor alone anymore. Everything is this, everything is that … how quaint and nice that is. Honestly, my neighbor is smitten with this man-friend of hers and there is nothing more in the relationship that I have seen beyond friendship … seriously. Otherwise I would have known because I usually find out sooner or later by observing or being told by other people who do not mind their own business in this building. I personally wish that I kept myself upstairs in my apartment and never went downstairs at all. Seeing that one neighbor irritated me more than I had in such a long time. I feel so much safer in my own place than anywhere else in the building of this place of nothing but doom and darkness on a sunny day — a day that is definitely not sunny today and rain has been falling for the past couple of hours now. Dinner is soon to be eaten. Not even hungry right now … too irritated and confused, lost, and frustrated right now. I am, as a Christian would not lie, pissed off right now. Very pissed. I will not ask this neighbor to do me any favors for a long time from this day forward.

I am still feeling lost losing my friend DC but I am not feeling totally lost as I was before now. Ever since Friday my emotions have been playing such big roles in my life that I can not explain everything that is swimming in my head right now. What is going on in my head right now is the try of focusing on what is more positive in my world than negative. I loved my friend DC very much and hearing that he died Thursday afternoon in a car accident really took my heart for a loop of despair, gloom, and impatience of knowing what really happened. Questions loom in my mind … was it his friend who drove the vehicle that should be of blame. His friend did have a record of unsafe driving at times. I am somewhat angry that an accident killed my best friend of my life — killing his friend as well.

Thunderstorms are expected in this area yet and nothing but rain has been a downpour of wetness and cloudiness. I believe God is allowing the sky to cry today in memory of DC’s death this past Thursday. I have not heard any thunder claps yet so I am wondering if God is going to be bowling or moving furniture today yet. It is going on 6 p.m. and bed time is a far off idea —- not going to be going to bed at 9 p.m. tonight because I did not get up until 11:30 a.m. sleeping in until practically noon this afternoon. Not tired but am tired of this grieving I am dealing with. My heart still aches with DC’s death.

I am very selective of who I will be talking to today. My neighbor is not one of them.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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