March 8
Morning Has Arrived
Yay! Good morning! Woke up around 7:30 am to cartoons and decided to watch last night’s episode of Dr. Phil before getting going. Anyway, I do not feel terribly lazy but I wish not to do any cleaning today, lol, but IT HAS TO BE DONE! Anyway, J is not going to be here this morning but my caseworker, MM will be here around 1030 or so unless I hear differently otherwise. From what I was told yesterday when MM picked me up for my ”foot” appointment with Dr. A, she told me that J will be off for the next couple of days. I do remember J not feeling too well last Friday that another IDS worker took me to grocery shopping at Wal-Mart instead. Anyway, it is Tuesday morning and today is going to be my cleaning day shortly. I am okay with that even though I am not in the mood to really clean today. I guess I let the cleaning go so far into a mess that makes it more difficult for me to want to take care of it. Anyway, I cleaned my computer desk off some so that is less cluttered and messy. At this time, no thanks to KM, she has made me feel a little more down than usual by telling me that my place is a messy, I have too much furniture and I should get rid of some of it. What a royal pain in my butt she has become. Am I falling into a bout of depression? I HOPE NOT! KM is still a BITCH in my eyes!!!! At this time, my opinion otherwise, our friendship is dissolved/gone and I will just be civil to her. Yes, memories of her in the past two weeks or so are still on my mind. That is why I call KM a BITCH right now. Let her go control other people. I am worn out with KM now.
Not Sure What to Think – About CKR/CSE
To further explain further about CKR changing her name to CSE has been on my mind for several weeks when she told me that she was going to do it and have it changed legally. I am not for it because of the fact that she has decided to have her name changed due to her past being what it was. To me that is running away from your past and not attacking it head on with gusto and getting rid of your demons through the help of God and his angels. Yes, I do not agree with her changing her name and I wish she had not done so but again, in my eyes and observing CSE the past several weeks, my opinion does not matter to her at all. I would not have changed my name because of a rough past. I would not have changed my sex orientation if I felt I was a man instead of a woman. What CSE did was not wrong or Biblically incorrect but I believe she is running away from her past and not attacking it head on to find solace in her present and future with the name was she was given when she was born. Yes, from knowing her as long as I have, her past was rocky. Her mother died, her father committed suicide, she lost contact with some family but in the past few years she has found family again and have been in contact, and she lived with her grandmother who made her feel dumb, stupid, and treated her like a slave. CSE is visually impaired and partially deaf but she gets along wonderfully and able to do what a visual seeing person can do extremely well. Yes, I do believe that her grandmother, now gone of course, was mean to her and CSEE went from one school to another growing up because her grandmother did not want her around but to yell at her, call her useless, dumb, stupid, and not love her, but CSE changing her name because of her past, to me was not how I would have handled the situation. CSE did change her name legally and did go to court to speak to a judge yesterday morning, and it is official as of March 7, 2011, and that is what she wanted to do and I do disagree about it wholeheartedly. Like I always tell my JSL, ”you have to do what you have to do” and I believe CSE had to do what she had to do as well. I do not have to agree with everything my friends say or do but I should be there for them when they need me. As of March 7, 2011, yesterday I have to get used to calling CKR her new name CSE. CKR was Cheryl and now CSE is now Carolyn or Carrie. I told her that it will take time for me to get used to the name change so please be patient with me.
Oh… that brings me to another point about the name change when I saw CSE coming home. I called her by her “old” name CKR and our “mom” said that her name is now CSE officially. To me… “mom” said it in a way that was snotty and unkind. CSE still responded to me knowing that it will take time for me to get used to the new name. I wanted so badly to tell “mom” to shut up right there and not be so snotty about things. I am not in communication with “mom” much anymore because of what happened the last time her niece LS was here and was fired from the manager position here and LS was so hurt that I did not sign a petition to see if her job could be kept. I did not sign it because I did not want her here, but I have not signed the petition for legality purposes as well as the fact that petitions have gone around this building more than once and we were all threatened that we would be evicted if anymore petitions were put out. I was not going to get into the legalities of signing a petition or lose my place because I signed a petition either. At the time this petition was put out, I did not know that I would not have lost my place because we had new property management who knew what was really happening and LS was let go from her position for reasons that can not be discussed. Anyway, LS and NMS “mom” have hung it over my head all this time and NMS has chosen to have less communication with me in the first place. I believe, seriously, no one calls me so I will not call them. In other words I will not go out of my way to call anyone who does not call me. I rarely hear from my friends JW, JB, RB, or ZN because they do not call me much anymore but I do get an occasional text from them and will respond back to them or not depending what the text is. I do not care for the text chains so I do not pass them along to others too often.
