September not that terribly far away yet but October 1st is FINALLY here. YAY! I thought I would start out fresh since it is a new month. I am so glad, after having a couple of days or so of not being able to get on Dear Diary at all, I am able to come back and journal once more. I love it here and the idea of not being to journal here would have broken my heart and I would have had to go elsewhere feeling unhappy and yet confused. I did think, seriously, that someone turned me in and my journal was gone forever but here I am. That is another reason, a new month, I would take and start out fresh.
To start out fresh, I thought I would introduce myself once more to those who do not know me yet, and for those who do already know me, I would love to say hello and wish all a good day!
My name is Kristi. I am known as Smiley, Ksmiley, and KK in my world. It depends on who I hang around with. I am also known as Kris by my closest friends and family like my dad and his wife, lol. I live in the state of Wisconsin. I am a kidney transplant recipient of 24 1/2 years now and the kidney transplanted into my body was my mother’s left kidney. It is still working well after all these years! I went to see my doctor in Madison, Wisconsin on September 19th and everything was doing well. I also have an anxiety and panic disorder where I take medications to keep things level where I can handle and live my life from day to day. I am a Christian who attends every weekend and whenever she can, and I love reading and studying the Bible, and working on quarterlies and my sermon notes every day and chance I get. Even though I am a Christian, I make mistakes and I will own up to my mistakes. I am one person who will always own up to her part of all situations but I will not lie for others or allow someone to use me or walk all over me. I have been burned and hurt so much by friends who turned out not to be friends after all and I have walked away from those I thought were my friends. A true friend does not get information about something so she or he can report it to someone else. That is what was beginning to happen with one of my friends last month after her father was let go of his job as property manager – my opinion only. Things were coming to a head for me with this one friend and I had to let her go and move on in my life. That is why I thought, when I could not get into Dear Diary to write, someone had reported me and I lost my diary forever. This one person, in my opinion, seems to do things until she gets her way. Not this time did she get her way with me, though. She lost what was best for her and now I won’t talk to her parents at this time and I really loved this person very much, too. We were sisters and supposed to be best friends forever, too, but now things have changed. I saw her true colors come out after her father was let go from his position as property manager at the end of August, and I feel I have been lied to and used by his daughter that lead me to stop my friendship with her so abruptly. No, I could not tell her I needed a break from her when she bombarded me with other people getting involved in our little spat because that just pushed me away.
As a woman who suffers from anxiety and panic on an occasional basis now, I can tell you that I lived with anxiety and panic everyday of my life for years. I am not sure what causes my anxiety and panic disorder to come and haunt me, I do have less episodes now. I can think more clearly and have less problems with anxiety and panic. I know my symptoms of when things start going awry and I go from there. I can live day to day one way or the other now. I do not even know when I had depression. The last breakdown or meltdown my counselor SW would say was in March. I am a work in progress along with my Christian attitude and act. I have to take it day by day outside my already planned days out of a seven day week.
I go to church every weekend or every chance I get depending on what is going on and the weather. I enjoy going to church and being with other members in fellowship. Reading and studying the Bible is one thing I do everyday no matter what my schedule any particular day. I am a growing Christian in progress. I consider Jesus my personal Savior and Lord. I will not lie or lie for someone else. I will speak the truth and not be stuck in a situation without consulting my Bible and praying to God before I do anything rash. I know I abruptly ended my relationship with a couple of friends last month but things were coming to a head for a long time when it came to our relationship. I felt, the way I was treated, I was not accepted for who I was entirely because of my anxiety and panic disorder when it came to repeating things when things got real bad for me. True friends put up with your quirks but this one person did not unfortunately. So losing two friends is nothing as long as I have God in my life where he belongs.
I will tell it like it is – my side of it – and will move on. The idea of walking away from my two friends – a husband and wife team – is still very fresh and just happened last month so please forgive me for being a broken record. That is why I am here and have no plans of leaving here unless Dear Diary ends up leaving itself.
This a part of me and throughout the days and weeks ahead Dear Diary readers and friends alike will get to know me through words going across the screen. Please take my quirks and enjoy being here.
God bless and have a good evening…