Realization

To be very honest here, I have come to the realization that I do not allow myself time to write in my diary and that is definitely my fault on this one.  I NEED to find time in my day, hours, week, and month to write in my diary on a more regular or daily basis or my world is going to go into pieces and shambles and that  can not happen anymore.  I have been having dreams that have been working my subconscious mind big time lately and that is because my brain destressing from what goes on in my world around me or even with me.  I know I am not a boring person or anything but I surely do have to admit that soime days are more boring than others because I do not allow myself to have a whole lot of fun.  The problem about that is I do not trust just anyone anymoore and I do have my best friends and I do have issues with some of the people I see in my world from time to time so I keep my distance from people often enough.

Today is one day out of my busy week that starts a little later than usual than the rest of my week that starts by 8 or 9 am every morning otherwise.  I love having one day out of the entire week where I do not have to worry about getting up early and  stay in my bedroom until I have my shower gal here and I am in the shower for a while.  I enjoy the quietness of my place with Bing Crosby the cat nearby or snuggling up next to me during my Wednesday late start day.  No matter if I am ready or not, my world evolves around me no matter what.  That can be perceived in two ways … scary or pleasant.  I find it scary sometimes but most of the time I find very pleasant indeed.

When it comes to those dreams I have been having, those can be scary more so than pleasant when my brain is destressing and my subconscious is working big time.  Dreams, which we want to do, are suppoosed to help us, but sometimes I wonder if they actually hinder.  I remember having dreams of noises, such as tigers and bears, spiders, and snakes, that could not be seen but heard, and I would run away from those noises finding me later on trapped and caught, and frightened.  I found that those deams were telling me not to run away from things in my real world, combat them, and get past certain fears.  I still have certain fears that have hit my reality big time but I have yet to figure those out through counseling, prayer, and delving into the Bible and studying the Bible with all my heart and mind.  Just recently I have come to the full understanding of certain peoplei in my immediate family and I am accepting it slowly but surely.  I have shed many tears and vented to other family members about things and believe me, I am not alone in this but I am wearing out my family members now.  I do have a hard time leting go of some things but that is nothing new in my world.  Change is a tough one for me but I am accepting it more in some areas of my life more quickly than others.  Some days, although I am not wishing to or wanting to air my problems on national television, I would like to see if Dr. Phil could help somewhere.  This would not make a few of my immediate family members too happy so I am keeping things locked up and silent in my world for the time being.

I have come to the realization of a lot of things in my world these days.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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