11-4-13 — Entry #1

I have not written in my diary for a day and it feels weird.  I guess that is okay because given that yesterday was Sunday and I went to church – Sunday School and then worship service.  I did have a busy morning and no shower.  I did not want any company and I rarely got on Facebook yesterday as well.  I did get on Facebook on my phone a little bit here and there but otherwise not on my computer at all.  I did play my favorite games on my phone, though.

My world is doing okay.  I am glad to be going to counseling tomorrow.  Tomorrow is going to be one of my busiest days of the week so Wednesday will be a delight when it finally gets here.  I am so looking forward to Wednesday this week and it’s only Monday.  I think I am selling myself short here on my weekly plans already.  Just a few seconds ago, I thought it was Tuesday.  I really dislike these momentary lapses.  Uuuggg!  Oh well.  I will have a well-deserved shower in a half an hour from now.

I wanted to write more in my diary later in the day on the 2nd of November but time just got busy that afternoon and evening here at home.  Bing Crosby the cat had other plans for both of us and he always comes first when it comes to snuggling time.  I got into watching TV programs anyway, lol.

If I have time later after laundry and cleaning or wish to write more, I will be back later.  If I do not come back, I will write again another day when there is time.  Again, I know that tomorrow is my busiest day this week.  I have my shower at 830 am, grocery shopping around 10 am, counseling at 2 pm, and Weight Watchers at 5 pm to 6 pm, then I have the rest of the evening to myself until 1015 am Wednesday morning.  I just do not have a whole lot of time to sit and think about negative things like I used to in the past because I am so busy every day of the week now.  I love it.  Sometimes a negative thing creeps into my week somewhere and certain thoughts get into my head that just want to me cry and be so emotional and find answers to my tears.  I just have to be very careful now-a-days from this day forward.

Speaking of things creeping into my mind, it’s happening right now, and I just want to scream and cry.  I will be attending church this Saturday in Beloit and the idea of seeing NMS and CSE there does not make me too happy right now.  I am so hurt by CSE right now that I cannot talk to her right now.  The last stunt she pulled with finding a place for her cat when I told her that I could not have him here because of the rules the night before and the next night she tries to find a place for him here.  I was not about to break the rules because, according to her, the rules do not apply to her.  She just caused so much emotional tension with management here.  She even lied to the onsite manager’s face on time and probably more than that one time I know of.  I just cannot have CSE in my life anymore.  She has broken my heart many times now.  Now do you see what I contend with when certain thoughts get into my head and I just want to scream and cry?  It is that bad when this happens!

I know that CSE is struggling emotionally, mentally, and physically but I do believe that walking away from her is a good idea for the good of my health.  I have shed many tears and have dealt with my own emotional upsets along the way.  I have to walk away from people who send negative vibes in my direction – temporarily or permanently – because I have to take care of me.  I can handle so much and do so much for people today.  I have to, again say this, take care of me.  At this time I can only pray for CSE and NMS.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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