I know I have been complaining a lot or saying what has been on my mind for a long time but I do have to admit that sleep has been difficult to find the past couple of days because I have had a lot on my mind. Some of the tenants here in the building are only neighbors and tenants now except for one I can trust at this time. I rarely talk to NMS anymore because our lives are not meshed as one any longer. I have not spoken to CSE for a while either. I remember doing a favor for NMS one day and I messaged CSE what NMS wanted or needed, and that is the last time I have taken the time to say anything to CSE. I really wish not to communicate with her because she has hurt me and NMS. CSE may be lonely because she does not have that many friends but there is a reason why she does not have that many friends outside her Civil War group of friends and this gentleman named Col. Ellsworth. When she was CKR, she was a totally different person but now that she has become CSE – name change was made legal – she became a person with secrets and shows signs of mental issues that need to be addressed. I have walked away from CSE to a point for my own mental, emotional, and physical health.
Here I am complaining and venting once again. I have to admit that there is a time for that going on now and then, and the past few days have been nothing but a needed vent. Living at Burbank Plaza and having issues looming in the far reaches of my mind, there is a need to say that I am getting sick and tired of CSE and want her out of my life but God does not want me to walk away from her totally. All I can do is pray for her. What makes it tougher is that NMS always finds an excuse to defend CSE where CSE does not need defending. She has to own up to her own mistakes and wrongdoings, and take care of things appropriately. CSE is struggling with God right now and I wish her not to be lost with the evil and wicked.
